Reach the Other Side

 

 

"It is not trespassing

when you cross

your own boundaries."

 

Author Unknown 

 

 

Over the years, I have been blessed not only to read between the lines, but to experience visualizations.  These magical moments have inspired me, released me, and changed me.   My challenge has always been within illusions of worthlessness, separation, and the greatest of all, fear. 

 

A decade ago, I was working with a special soul as she tried to break through her limitations.  She shared her fears, we had reading assignments, entered into guided meditation, and did a lot of praying.  One day as I was preparing for her visit, I found a simple sketch in a book that seemed to reflect everything we were discussing.  There was a line drawing of a person standing on the very edge of a cliff, with one leg sticking out into nothingness.  Somehow this clicked.

 

In our session, I shared this image and immediately it seemed to turn on all kinds of understanding within her heart and mind.  She finally felt everything stored in her head.  She got it!  She understood that one must step through the illusion to reach the other side.  She knew in her heart that her faith and her trust would safely lead her beyond her own imposed boundaries.

 

She was radiant, remarking of how she felt cleansed and as though all misunderstanding had been washed down the drain.  She felt courage filling in the vacated internal spaces with a shift towards a loving attitude preparing her to stretch into a new horizon.

 

Simply put, it is not what we know, but what we do with the information we have.  It is searching through our clutter, taking time to cleanse away excess, and then utilize what remains.  We can realize our first step through illusion is not taken alone.  If we prepare ourselves with requested guidance, we will successfully reach the other side.

A Good Day After All

“The most incredible architecture
Is the architecture of Self,

which is ever changing, evolving, revolving and has unlimited beauty

and light inside which radiates outwards for everyone to see and feel.

With every in breathe
you are adding to your life
and every out breathe you are releasing what is not contributing to your life.
Every breathe is a re-birth.”

Allan Rufus

The Master's Sacred Knowledge

The sky is an ugly gray.  It is cold out. There is no prediction for sunshine.  It is too late to go back to bed and too early for a nap.  I am completely unmotivated.  I decide to ignore the growing stack of laundry and allow the dust to gather yet another day. 

After running through a self-assessment, I know in my heart  I will accomplish nothing today.  So I decide to create a sacred space to do nothing in.  I start a fire in the fireplace, gather candles, and my favorite old quilt.  I fill a basket with books ... Rumi, Hafiz, Gibran; old dream journals;  Kubler-Ross, Moody, Weiss; Tolle, Braden, Nepo, Cohen;  and my current journal with a new purple ink pen.  I complete this space by adding  bottled water, a fresh carafe of coffee and a stash of snacks.

Once settled, I extend a prayerful invitation for others to come and join me in my newly created sacred space.  I request energy, love, and light accompanied by wisdom and insight.  My heart then opens wider to allow my self to change, evolve, and grow. 

I feel purposeful and content to experience my created day.  I realize we some times need to just stop and carve out a place for our sacred self to be nurtured, revitalized, and safely grow.  My heart is warmed by the gathering in front of  my fireplace ... kindred spirits, angels, and some  I don't know.  I find my self excited as it turns out to be a good day after all.

Remember to use Tools

Tell me, and I'll forget.

Show me, and I may not remember.

Involve me, and I'll understand.

Native American Saying

There are so many tools in life.  As we grow up we learn acceptable behavior and unfortunately, we are not taught how to handle the emotions that we stuff down inside of our selves.  Rules of the Road, tools of the trade, Robert's Rules of Order, and life skills, but seldom do we learn how to navigate through our emotional landscapes.

In some ways, life itself teaches us how to cope and we also meet mentors along the way.  Perhaps through reading or creative expression or spiritual practice we also learn how to process our experiences.

As life draws on, we have gathered several tools to help us in daily living and in challenge or crisis.  The trick, however, is to remember to call forth our tools.  We need to be conscious of the necessity to apply what we know rather than collapse into old behaviors that no longer serve us.

We are not responsible for other people's behaviors.  If someone chooses to scream and yell at us, it is his or her choice to react in such a manner.  We do not have to condone inappropriate behavior.

If we have erred in our work or responsibilities, we have made a mistake not become a failure.  Apologize and sincerely respond with intention for correction.  When the intensity of the moment has passed, we must use our voice by calmly stating we expect to be treated professionally.

When loved ones have had a bad day they are entitled to feel whatever they feel, but are not entitled to come home and take it out on us.  Making healthy statements can help both individuals involved, such as: "I can see that you are very upset.  Why don't you take a few minutes to sort your feelings out, and then we can talk when you are not so upset." 

Encourage the person to journal, take a walk or run, wash the day off in the shower or take some alone time in the garden or listen to favorite music.  If you can objectively listen to your loved one without being pulled into the drama, then it is fine to be a sounding board.  If, however, you find your self cowering with hurt feelings, better boundaries need to be created.

People who respond to us poorly are usually doing so based on situations that have nothing to do with us.  Sometimes just kindly acknowledging the frustration can clear the air.  For example, if we are in a restaurant and the wait staff is acting like it is our fault they have to be working, a comment can be made ... "Sounds like you are really having a bad day!"  If said with sincerity, the person will usually respond with an apology and shift into a more appropriate mode of service.  If we call some one and he or she answers very gruffly, common sense tells us to politely offer, "You sound like you are really busy.  Why don't I call back later?"  Often times, this brings attention to the rude exchange and the person becomes willing to help right there and then.

It serves no purpose to respond in a negative way, as this just adds to the building energy.  Respond in kindness but do not become the 'dumping ground' for some one else's anger.  Listening to a friend is different, but some times even with a friend we must use the tools we know.  "Sounds like you really have a problem.  Let me know how it comes out."

Being a sounding board is quite different from being some one's punching bag.  We must create strong boundaries while having compassion.  If we don't respect our selves, why should any one else?

We are all capable of being rude or inappropriate given the right or wrong circumstances.  As soon as we realize we have acted poorly, it is very important for all involved to apologize as soon as you can.  Send a quick e-mail, text, card or phone call.  We don't have to grovel, but if we don't make the gesture of kindness, a space begins to grow between the involved parties. 

If we cannot return to the situation for whatever reason, we can remember what we are capable of and endeavor to not do so again.  If we remember our own behaviors, it is helpful in understanding the actions of others.  People are frequently reflections of our selves.

Mother's Day ...

Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters

of Life's longing for itself.

They come through you,

but not from you,

And though they are with you yet

they belong not to you.

You may give them your love,

but not your thoughts,

for they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies,

but not their souls,

for their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,

which you cannot visit,

not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them,

but seek not to make them like you.

Kahlil Gibran

 On Children 
                                                                         

As a child when asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, my answer was always the same.  I wanted to be a 'mom'.  I wanted to be a really good mom.  When I graduated from college, I still wanted to be a 'mom' and not an ordinary one either.

I chose to bring four children into this world.  At the time, I had no idea what challenges these babies would bring nor how many decisions I would have to be make, but I certainly did not anticipate the extent their lives would have upon mine. 

I once read an article quoting an adoptive father upon receiving his first child.  The quote was, "I can hardly wait to watch this child unfold, to discover the magnificence of this life."  It was refreshing to read about a parent who was not designing the path of the child. 

My three boys were nothing alike and yet there were so many similarities.  What I learned with my first son certainly didn't help me with my second or third son.  Each child needed differing rules, individual guidance, and unique experiences.  Then my fourth child was a girl surprising us all.  We each gave her a part of our self which she blended into her

own creative spirit.

I raised my children to be independent, desiring to nurture strengths and strengthen weaknesses.  It was vitally important

to me that they established and maintained a sense of belonging to each other no matter what life brought forth on any given day.

As my children evolved into their own individual spirits, they taught me trust, faith, and the deepest sense of love I had ever experienced.  They certainly became aware of my short comings, personal challenges, and determination to become more fully 'me'.  There were difficult times for all of us, and the consequences shaped us into who we are today.

Being a mother has been the most important role I have had in my life time.  I know in my heart I did my best and acknowledge that often my best was not enough.  Motherhood grew me emotionally and spiritually, the teacher becoming the student.  I will always be grateful for having the privilege of bringing these four special souls into the physical and I honor the individual paths they have followed.

May the blessings be ...

Socks on the Line

To heal our relationships,

we have to move closer to people

we do not like,

learn to work with them

without friction.

When we do this,

we are remaking the images

in our minds ~

which means we are literally

remaking the world

in which we live.

Eknath Easwaran

Words to Live By

 

Relationship is one of the best teachers in life.  As human beings, we often find disharmony with family, friends, or business acquaintances.  Our general reaction may be to ignore or distance our selves when conflict occurs.  This, of course, is not the ideal way to handle the situation. 

What we frequently fail to recognize is that we project certain images upon others and when they do not act according to our imposed image, we react negatively.  We do not see the person as they truly are, we see them as we think they are.

To be clear, I will state that no one has any obligation to tolerate violence or abuse of any kind.  I am not addressing extreme issues that require absolute avoidance.  I am speaking to every day occurances that are a part of life in general.

When we feel discomfort with another person, instead of stepping away, stay present and observe the other person.  Really listen to what he or she is saying and try to put the conflicting viewpoint into a non-judgmental context.  Open your heart to feel what is being said from some one else's heart, rather than your own.

We do not always need to approve or condone the opinions of others, but if we can stretch our selves to understand differing viewpoints we can remain side by side without friction.  We can agree to disagree.  We want others to respect and honor our unique approach to life, and so we must do the same in return. 

It is really like socks hanging on a line.  Some are quite different while others are similar, but they all have a place to be.  We all have the right to wear our own socks, but perhaps we need to stand in other people's shoes. 

We are a diverse population and we are all entitled to have our own space to authentically exist.  Tolerance will help us create a world in which we can all live.

When Family Gathers ...

 

Love does not dominate;

it cultivates.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Gathering dear friends through the front door, I glanced down to discover the clematis I planted last year.  It had several deep purple blossoms fully opened graciously greeting our guests.  It had already began its climb up the trellis with plenty of new buds.

Everyone had brought food to share and delicious aromas filled the air.  Monkey Bread, Egg Casserole, Cheesy Potatoes, Fresh Fruit Salad, Spinach Salad, Biltmore's Famous Bacon/Cheese/Onion Dip with lots of veggies, Ham, and a Summer Delight Strawberry Dessert.  There were plenty of Mimosas and Sangrias passed around as these wonderful human beings formed a community of love around the dining room table.

Funny stories were once again told and updates of other friends were shared.  The conversation was relaxed, fun, and nurturing as we counted our blessings and shared thoughts about our families of origin spread across the United States.

Ignoring the dirty dishes, we spilled outside to the patio table and chairs where the hours leisurely slipped by.  A few folks continued on to other commitments, but the original core remained in the beautiful outdoors soaking up the sunshine and passing our new little Juniper Rose around, now nearly three months old.

There is nothing like sitting in a circle of friends where dreams, disappointments and fears can be safely shared.  I find myself amazed at the lengthy journeys already made by some people who are only thirty.  It pleases my heart to hear them report how they navigated through their challenges and in spite of the odds became wiser for the wear and tear.  Several times I felt my spirit lift in celebration of the resilience of the storyteller.  It isn't always the case to find a wiser soul at the end of a story.  When the challenge has not been mastered a bitter and unhappy person stands before you ... still struggling  ... still waiting to be rescued ... and all one can do is extend love, light, and energy. 

As evening drew near, we retreated into the house and snuggled into the family room where the conversation shifted to still another level.  We began to focus on things unseen and the world at large.  Our minds began to embrace new and different ideas accompanied by personal revelations. 

Ah, the safety of friends deemed 'family'.  I looked into the faces of those surrounding me and I felt inspired, loved, and hopeful.  I was inspired by individual stories that could only be told in safe boundaries.  I felt loved by the acceptance and compassion received from those who listened.  I was extremely hopeful that more and more people were reaching inside and configuring new dreams based upon their now recognizable strengths.  And laughter, the great healing agent when family gathers!

Three Chairs for Therapeutic Insight

We may define therapy

as a search

for value.

Abraham Maslow

While attending a class for learning therapeutic tools, I was introduced to the Three Chairs.  Each chair represented a particular behavior and a person could sit in one chair or move around in all three chairs.  During the presentation, it was easily understood how a person could spend minutes, hours, or a lifetime in any one chair or randomly using all chairs.  

The Child's Chair: seats us when we are being demanding, expecting immediate gratification, acting unreasonable or emotionally out of control.

The Survivor's Chair:  seats us when we are in 'fight or flight' mode, rigid or considering just two options like right or wrong accompanied by an adrenaline rush with the desire to run. 

The Adult Chair:  seats us when we decide to 'sit' with our issue and discover the many options that may be at hand.  Both sides of an issue are explored and resolution is paramount, but appropriate time is allowed for all to unfold. 

In the front of the class room three chairs were labeled: the Child's Chair, the Survivor's Chair, and the Adult Chair.  Each student took a turn in front of the class, sitting in the chair that best represented the part of the issue being shared. As the story progressed, the storyteller moved from one chair to the next helping to identify how thoughts were being processed.  Chairs were not used in any particular order and students progressed or regressed back and forth. 

When we are faced with a complexity of life and find our self reacting instead of responding, we can use the image of the three chairs:  Child's Chair ~  I was spoiled or the youngest child or I only received attention through childish fits of behavior;  Survivor's Chair ~ Life required me to protect myself, to be strong and prepared to run for safety;  Adult's Chair ~ I am perfectly capable of addressing my needs in the present moment without acting in childish ways or being defensive. 

Which chair am I sitting in?  This simple question triggers immediate insight.  The goal, obviously, is to move into the adult chair for healthy processing. 

I find the Three Chairs technique to be user friendly.  It is easily applied and the results are amazing!  When used, it brings a higher awareness of when we are reacting instead of thoughtfully responding.  Give it a try!

Multiple Choices

No one else can ever make your choices for you.

Your choices are yours alone.

They are as much a part of you

as every breath your will take,

every moment of your life.

 CHOICES

"100 Most Important Life Choices"

Dr. Shad Helmstetter

Life is constant change and with each change choice is made.  It is imperative that we make our choices and not allow some one else to do so.  Well meaning family or friends or bosses have important and valid input, but we get to make the choice, not them.  Remember there is lesson in every choice as this is how we learn.

We may think we have no choice in the matter which translates into we cannot make a different choice ... we are pressured or frightened or not yet prepared to take the educated risk.  If we make a personal choice, perhaps we will be cut out of the family will ... is that the lesson, to do without dependence on someone else's fortune?  The family may say when we follow our desire, we will be disowned ... is this a lesson in love?  A lover may tell you that no one else will ever love you as much as they do, but the little voice inside of you is screaming to leave ... is this about allowing people to have power over us?

There are so many parts to making a choice.  We educate ourselves by listening to others or observing life or taking note of history, but ultimately, the truth of a decision resides within. What other choices people make are simply alternatives to be considered.  It is frequently the build up to the moment of decision that stresses us out. The actual choice can feel liberating, right or wrong after the agony of deciding.  

Some choices are very easily made, while others are so much more challenging.  If the right choice is not obvious, then take more time to sort through what would be best for you.  When my children were younger, they used to rush in and interrupt whatever I was doing, wanting an immediate answer to their request.  Here is what I learned to say:

      

     "If you need an answer right now, it is no.

       If you give me some time to think, it still may be no,

       but there is a better chance for it to be yes."

In careers we are frequently backed into a wall where we feel like there really isn't much choice at all, but there is always choice.  The choices might not be the ones we want, but they are there.  Some choices are made simply to please others. Eventually we realize by saying yes, we may be making the other person's life easier, but ours much more difficult.  Once we start having better boundaries and making better decisions, we feel better and more capable.

Choices can be very impulsive and fun.  Others may be heart wrenching and nearly impossible.  Still others may be accidental.  Throughout the day, we make endless decisions ... when to get up, what to wear, what to eat, which road to take, who to call, how to prioritize or organize, and when to stop or go. The choices are endless.

Multiple choices, however, are all exercises in using your voice, empowering your spirit, and aligning your mind, body, and spirit.  Take a few moments and review your life and you will see the impact of your choices or lack thereof.  

Parts of My Hermit Self ...

Which is worth more,

a crowd of thousands

or your own genuine solitude?

Freedom, or power over an entire nation?

A little while alone in your room

will prove more valuable than

anything else that could ever

be given to you.

The Essential RUMI

Translation by Coleman Barks

with John Moyne

More and more I discover new parts of my hermit self.  Little by little, I withdraw into the solitude of life rather than the chaotic motions.  My home and surroundings are important to me, as this is where I spend the majority of my time.

The word  power frequently carries a physical and masculine tone to it which I have never been endeared.  I much prefer the word empowerment which is the power over oneself.  This is the freedom I enjoy.

Even when I travel, I enjoy settling in and enjoying the common activities of the given culture.  I am not interested in the large resorts or hotels or fancy restaurants that somehow lose the ambiance of the culture.  I like to wander to neighborhood eateries, bakeries, and delicatessens where the locals trade.  The elders sipping coffee are always willing to tell the community history in very meaningful ways.

Sitting in my room, I can feel compassion and appreciation for all that has been given to me.  The greatest gift of all has been love ... priceless!

Live Each Day

It's only when we truly know and understand

that we have a limited time on earth ~ 

and that we have no way of knowing

when our time is up ~

that we will begin to live each day

to the fullest,

as if it was the only one we had.

***Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

  

I unexpectedly viewed Kevin Costner (actor) delivering an eulogy to Whitney Houston (singer and actress) at her funeral.  I listened to his words about this talented and beautiful woman who led a life riddled with insecurities.  His words haunted me as they were words that I have heard so many disclose ... doubts about our own personal worth.

It is so sad to me that there is such a strong disconnect between our authentic beauty and our presence in daily living.  We can all bring to mind someone we admire who repeatedly criticizes and underestimates himself or herself.  We are amazed that someone so gifted could have so many doubts.

Life itself is filled with challenges we have come to master, but did we bring such desecration of our inner self from the start?  What washed away our communion with the Divine?  Who separated our body, mind, and spirit leaving us so fragmented?

My belief system allows me to feel a personal loss when someone dies, but it also creates a curiosity about the transition death and dying triggers.  I confidently believe that in death we simply cross over into another realm or another dimension of living.  It is my conception that while the physical body dies, our spiritual self lives on eternally.

So the sadness I felt today was not about Whitney Houston's death, but rather about her inability to embrace her self while on this earth.  What impacts me even more deeply is the fact that many of us experience the same desperation seeking release in a variety of obsessions.  The emotional isolation that goes undetected in those we love so dearly, concerns me greatly.  To be left helplessly watching someone spiral out of control is even worse.  

The best thing we can do, perhaps, is to live each day as meaningful as we can, embracing others with sincere compassion while maintaining a balance between spiritual and material existence.  Try to begin each day with gratitude for all of our blessings and keep seeking for the Divine connection within.

***Elisabeth Kubler-Ross wrote a wonderful book about death and dying that opened my youthful eyes and broadened my earlier adult concepts about life.  Later, she wrote a book on death and dying of children which was one of the most difficult, yet inspiring books I have yet to read.

Integrity Intertwined with Inner Courage

Sometimes a glance,
a few casual words,
fragments of a melody floating 
through the quiet air of a summer evening,
a book accidentally comes into our hands,
a poem or a memory-laden fragrance,
may bring about the impulse 
which changes and determines
our whole life.


Llama Gouinda

A simple impulse can change our lives, but we need courage to step through any fear or hesitation.  It is courage that allows us to feel, to act, or to be still.  Inner courage, however, is equally important.  

In his book, FINDING INNER COURAGE, author Mark Nepo states: "The word courage means to stand by one's core."  He also shares:"By inner courage, I mean the ground of quiet braveries from which the more visible braveries sprout."  

This is the layer of courage we need to recognize within ourselves.  It is what allows us to say, "No, I will not agree to a divorce," or "Yes, I feel qualified for this position," or "I no longer desire to hold this belief for my self."  It is the same courage allowing us to remain still when we are tempted by judgment or depriving someone else of their time in the light.  Decisions made throughout our day requires this inner courage.  The more we honor this courage inside, the stronger our spirit grows and we become more courageous on the outside as well.

The word integrity, to me, has always meant who you are when no one is looking. So it would seem that integrity is intertwined with inner courage.   It takes this inner strength to over ride human weakness and temptations that others never see.  It is at the core of our being.

It is definitely a challenge to stand by core beliefs, but it is what we are called to do with an open mind and forgiving heart.  We must not expect others to view life exactly as we do, but we can expect others to honor us as we honor them.

  

Begin a New Day

We embark upon the creation of a peaceful lifestyle by recognizing the need, daily, to cleanse our minds just as we cleanse our bodies. Through morning prayers and meditation, we embark upon the day spiritually prepared.  Without this preparation, we enter the day with yesterday's anxieties  ~  our own and those of millions of others.  

---Marianne Williamson

Each day is a gift, an opportunity to begin anew, and a creation of personal experience.  Our attitude sets the tone for our inner rhythms and for the cadence of those around us.  

We organize household duties, designate responsibilities to others, and keep a running master list of all we have to do.  Even with the very best organizational skills, we frequently omit a beginning ritual.  

Every morning as we open our eyes, we can figuratively open our hearts to another day of compassion and encouragement  for ourselves and others.  We can repeat affirmations or words of thanksgiving for all that we have.  With a grateful heart, we then can begin a new day.

Balance must be consciously planned or time for nurturing and nourishing slips away.  The material world for whatever reason takes precedence over our spiritual awareness and our stress, anxiety, and worries multiply.  

Celebrate the gift of life every morning allowing a sense of excitement for the unfolding of the day.  Embrace the day with wholeness (the blending of spiritual with material) and expect wonderful things! 

Shame, Guilt, and Loneliness ...

Of all needs (there are none imaginary) a lonely child has the one that must be satisfied, if there is going to be hope and a hope of wholeness, is the unshaken need for an unshakable God.

~ Maya Angelou

This morning you lovingly caressed my face and gently stroked my hair.  These simple gestures stirred an ancient longing in me to feel loved and to feel emotionally safe.  These senses rekindled the memories of the unmet needs of my childhood. 

I remembered feeling shameful for having wants or desires as I was taught that children did not have valid needs.  It was selfish to want something for myself. All of these thoughts were interlaced with religious overtones creating guilt as well.  

Right from the beginning I felt disapproval from the grandpa man in long billowing robes with the long gray hair sitting in the clouds of the church's stained glass window.  "God" expected perfection I was told and in my heart I truly knew that I had lost before I had even started.  

My parents, as told in Sunday School, were representatives of God.  They were my caretakers on earth working for God.  When I did not feel love or acceptance by them, what chance would I have with a Supreme Being ...

Children of emotional or physical neglect withdraw into a private world still hoping that some one will recognize their loneliness.  Hoping some one will wrap them into warm and loving arms.  There is always an abundance of 'saving' going on in a church, but children rarely have a sense of that and even if they do, they feel fraudulent inside. 

Touch is such a simple and normal gesture, and yet it is frequently with held.  The term "failure to thrive" was given to new born infants who had not been nurtured physically nor emotionally thus lacking the desire to live.

So when the child of a family is neglected, the child hopes love and affection will be received from a being outside of the self that is all powerful and can do amazing things.  Then this magical being that reportedly can do anything, does not meet the worldly needs any better than the family ever did.  Hope is lost.  Loneliness is the companion of the withdrawn child.  

The unfortunate assumption of the child is that he or she is unlovable and unacceptable by not only his or her parents, but by an all loving God.  Shame and guilt join loneliness weighing

the spirit down into despair. 

Simple touch can speak a thousand words.  It is a gesture that is free and desired by all ages.  Observe children in play.  They are always reaching for each other.  Notice elders walking arm in arm or watch their faces while embracing a child or holding a baby.  Their entire world lights up!

So this morning when your gentle fingers skimmed the side of my face, asking for nothing in return, I felt my heart sigh.  Finally, I felt emotionally safe and not alone.

Erasing Decisions

Memories, all those little experiences make up the fabric of our lives.  I wouldn't want to erase any of them, tempting though it may be. 


~Ben Affleck


"THE GIFTED MAN" is a television show I happened to be watching last week.  I listened to a conversation between a medical doctor (neurosurgeon) and his deceased wife, also a medical doctor (head physician at a free clinic).  Apparently, they had had a less than perfect marriage and the wife who is a ghost, asks of her husband, "Would you want to erase all of those years together?" 

There are many times in our lives we may wish to have an eraser to delicately erase a situation in our lives or perhaps roughly smudge it out.  If we look beyond the moment, however, I believe it would be in our best interest to let life unfold on its own without our censorship.

Repressing experiences or thoughts is not healthy for anyone, so I am not suggesting to do this.  I am suggesting to explore the difficult situations, extract the lessons, and earmark what good accompanied the situation. 

When I examine what erasures I would be tempted to make, divorce almost always rears its head; but where would I start erasing ... before the marriage, during, or after?  If I erase the entire marriage, I would also be eliminating my children.  If I erased the location of that part of my life, I would also be erasing a few close friends that have remained 'sisters of my heart'.  So if I would just erase the dysfunctional elements of the marriage, would I still have learned the lessons within that made me who I am today?

One time, I purchased a bottle of Roundup to kill some weeds invading my driveway.  I thought this to be a perfect solution as I was not one to extract weeds at leisure.  This would give me a permanent solution and it would be so much faster.   Then I read the instructions and cautions.  Slowly questions began to form in my mind like wily weeds creeping into my yard.  What if this poison killed my grass or thriving flowers?  What if future plants could not grow in the tainted soil?  Would there be chemical damage to mother earth herself?  My mind wouldn't stop.  End result was I didn't want to have this kind of power, to use a fast solution that really might have unforseen permanent results.

If havoc is running rapid through our lives, it is tempting to erase it; but only in the moment.  As we look with hindsight, we see with different eyes.  Yes, we would do things differently if we had the chance, but if not those particular lessons, surely new ones would replace the old.

"If you don't have time to do it right, when will you have the time to do it over,"  asks John Wooden. It does seem to me when we miss a lesson, life is more than willing to run it past us one more time, only a little bit more challenging to secure our attention.

It is the same when viewing the lives of others.  No matter how inviting some one else's life may look, I don't want it.  I never know what challenges they face and I would really rather just deal with my own personal set.  I figure I am learning what I need to know coming from the Divine.  Spirit uses a much wider lens and creates greater intention!

One Step At A Time

“Look around you. Everything changes. Everything on this earth is in a continuous state of evolving, refining, improving, adapting, enhancing…changing. You were not put on this earth to remain stagnant.” 

~Steve Maraboli

Life, the Truth, and Being Free

Even though we are tempted to rush up the stairs, taking several steps in one big stretch or to simply sit on the bottom step fearful of moving, we evolve more fluently by going slowly ... one step at a time.

Our subconscious minds or soul if you wish, tends to know a plan prior to our physical and mental realization.  Perhaps it starts with a longing or a discontent even though we have no thoughts of change.  We may tell ourselves we should be content with what we have and it might be selfish to look for more.

There is a visualization of a person having one foot firmly placed on the ground with the other foot sticking straight out without any substance under it.  We often times find ourselves not wanting to leave and not knowing where it is we want to go.  We can become agitated by conflict and fear.

Self-definition evolves through out our lives or else we become stagnant.  While exploring new options, we do not have to sever old relationships.  Friends and family ties may have to be arranged just a little bit differently, but not given up entirely.  Just as we do not obliterate older parts of ourselves, we adjust, redefine, and integrate the old with the new.  

There is so much to be learned that if we run up all of the steps at once, we miss important layering that will keep our foundation strong.  The journey, after all, is to be enjoyed one step at a time.  

This process at times may feel selfish, but really it is a way of protecting our selves while climbing the stairs.  If we repeatedly step to the side to let others by, allowing their passage to be priority over our own, then who is really the selfish one?  Why is someone else's wishes less selfish than your own?

To trust in ourselves, we must know ourselves ... intentions, motivations, guidance.  We must be patient while conflict unravels as we continue to step through our fears.  

Come to the edge, he said.

They said:  We are afraid.

Come to the edge, he said.

They came.

He pushed them ... and they flew.

Guillaume Apollinaire

Street Light Sarcasm

sarcasm: 

a form of wit that is marked by the use of sarcastic language and is intended to make its victim the butt of contempt or ridicule.   
                         American Heritage Dictionary

When I was in the seventh grade attending a Roman Catholic grade school, a woman was attacked just outside the church door.  She struggled with the man and fortunately broke away from his grip.  She had been waiting outside of the church for a student meeting to be dismissed.  Although it was only 6 p.m. darkness had already fallen in the city.

Being inside of the building, the news of the attack spread quickly.  We were instructed to leave the grounds immediately and to go directly home.  The police had not been called as the woman refused to report the incident and the man had already fled down the street.  

The thought of the man still being in the neighborhood frightened me.  To get home, I would be walking eight city blocks alone.  I walked to and from school every day, but usually I would meet friends along the way and it was never dark.

I went to the office phone and asked permission to call home.  I was very relieved when my father answered. Quickly, I told him what had happened at the school and how frightened I was to walk home by myself in the dark.  

"Dad, could you please come and pick me up?"

My father laughed and replied, "You have nothing to be afraid of.  If someone grabs you, he'll drop you and run as soon as he gets you under the first street light!"

This was my father's sarcasm.  It was a permanent part of his language.  Growing up, I found him to be highly amusing, not really understanding that his humor was covering his criticism and prejudice.  As an adult reviewing my past, I quickly realized how condescending he was to others.  I always kept my eyes glued to my father's handsome face watching him smile and hearing him laugh, but never thought to glance at the reaction on the face of my father's target.

Just a few years ago, I was talking with a very dear friend.  As usual, I was laughing and told her the story about the street light.  I was using it as an example of how funny my father was to me.  She looked me in the eye and gently asked, "But, how did that make you feel?"  I was stunned.  No one had ever asked me that before. The remark seemed irrelevant until the answer slowly took form.

My friend's question triggered all kinds of imprinted memories of being an ugly and incompetent child. Stemming from my father's sarcasm, his "sense of humor" fostered my lack of self-worth.  When I expanded my memory of how he used his sarcasm on my mother, humiliation seeped into my awareness.  I recalled laughing hysterically at things my father would say to my mother never understanding how the condescending  words must have hurt her.  

Let there be no mistake, my father was a gregarious fun loving man who drew friends to him.  He was the kind of man everyone would want to be with hunting, fishing, golfing, or just having a good time.  Certainly we all suffered from his quick tongue, as his sarcasm had no limits or boundaries.  He used his cutting words of disguised criticism on politics, religions, ethnic groups, the lesser female, and the ignorant child.  

Ironically, the strong bias of my father turned me in the opposite direction.  I did not care about politics, but I sought out religious and ethnic diversity which was easy to do in the city.  It took years for me to shed the role of the lesser female, but when I did, I became a  spiritual warrior for women.  And the ignorant child?  She still needs to be calmed, encouraged, and nurtured, but she will never be made to feel 'small' again.