Street Light Sarcasm

sarcasm: 

a form of wit that is marked by the use of sarcastic language and is intended to make its victim the butt of contempt or ridicule.   
                         American Heritage Dictionary

When I was in the seventh grade attending a Roman Catholic grade school, a woman was attacked just outside the church door.  She struggled with the man and fortunately broke away from his grip.  She had been waiting outside of the church for a student meeting to be dismissed.  Although it was only 6 p.m. darkness had already fallen in the city.

Being inside of the building, the news of the attack spread quickly.  We were instructed to leave the grounds immediately and to go directly home.  The police had not been called as the woman refused to report the incident and the man had already fled down the street.  

The thought of the man still being in the neighborhood frightened me.  To get home, I would be walking eight city blocks alone.  I walked to and from school every day, but usually I would meet friends along the way and it was never dark.

I went to the office phone and asked permission to call home.  I was very relieved when my father answered. Quickly, I told him what had happened at the school and how frightened I was to walk home by myself in the dark.  

"Dad, could you please come and pick me up?"

My father laughed and replied, "You have nothing to be afraid of.  If someone grabs you, he'll drop you and run as soon as he gets you under the first street light!"

This was my father's sarcasm.  It was a permanent part of his language.  Growing up, I found him to be highly amusing, not really understanding that his humor was covering his criticism and prejudice.  As an adult reviewing my past, I quickly realized how condescending he was to others.  I always kept my eyes glued to my father's handsome face watching him smile and hearing him laugh, but never thought to glance at the reaction on the face of my father's target.

Just a few years ago, I was talking with a very dear friend.  As usual, I was laughing and told her the story about the street light.  I was using it as an example of how funny my father was to me.  She looked me in the eye and gently asked, "But, how did that make you feel?"  I was stunned.  No one had ever asked me that before. The remark seemed irrelevant until the answer slowly took form.

My friend's question triggered all kinds of imprinted memories of being an ugly and incompetent child. Stemming from my father's sarcasm, his "sense of humor" fostered my lack of self-worth.  When I expanded my memory of how he used his sarcasm on my mother, humiliation seeped into my awareness.  I recalled laughing hysterically at things my father would say to my mother never understanding how the condescending  words must have hurt her.  

Let there be no mistake, my father was a gregarious fun loving man who drew friends to him.  He was the kind of man everyone would want to be with hunting, fishing, golfing, or just having a good time.  Certainly we all suffered from his quick tongue, as his sarcasm had no limits or boundaries.  He used his cutting words of disguised criticism on politics, religions, ethnic groups, the lesser female, and the ignorant child.  

Ironically, the strong bias of my father turned me in the opposite direction.  I did not care about politics, but I sought out religious and ethnic diversity which was easy to do in the city.  It took years for me to shed the role of the lesser female, but when I did, I became a  spiritual warrior for women.  And the ignorant child?  She still needs to be calmed, encouraged, and nurtured, but she will never be made to feel 'small' again.