ON FOOT I HAD TO WALK THROUGH THE SOLAR SYSTEMS by Edith Sodergran

ON FOOT I HAD TO WALK

THROUGH THE SOLAR SYSTEMS

Edith Sodergran

On foot

I had to walk through the solar systems,

before I found the first thread of my red dress.

Already, I sense myself.

Somewhere in space hangs my heart,

sparks fly from it, shaking the air,

to other reckless hearts.

~Translated by Stina Katchadourian

Surely every female has had a red dress.  There is something about a red dress that radiates confidence and a strong sense of self.  Then throw in a pair of killer heels and the right jewelry and "WHAM"! It is a night to remember.

My red chiffon dress was purchased for a military ball when I was a senior in high school.  My friend came over and applied make up to my face for the first time ever. (I don't think my parents were home to censor the extreme make over!) She brought a pair of her dressy heels for me to wear which weren't quite the right size, but they looked great.  

My date was prompt in picking me up and we safely arrived at the scene of the ball.  We walked up several flights of stairs to store our coats, and then each couple lined back down the stair case, waiting for their names to be announced while eager adults looked on.  

The couple in front of us seemed very nice.  As the young man's date turned back to say something to me, she lost her footing.  I leaned forward to steady her, as she pulled me forward ... I fell.  It wasn't pretty.

In the process of falling, my shoe fell off and my twisted ankle promptly doubled in size.  There was no way I could put the shoe back on.  I started to cry and being inexperienced with the make up world, smeared mascara and powder all over my face.  Everyone was staring at me and my poor date (who never talked to me or asked me out again) was totally humiliated.  He helped me limp down the stairs and dumped me in the first chair he could find. I didn't see him again until the dance was nearly over.  

And as this poem reflects I have had to journey a long way before I grasped the thread of my red dress and gathered a sense of me.  Ditching the fancy clothes and removing my mask as well, I felt my heart hanging free in space, sparking where other hearts didn't dare.  In the end, it was okay to be just me.