Messed Up

                                     



“Life is painful and messed up. It gets complicated at the worst of times, and sometimes you have no idea where to go or what to do. Lots of times people just let themselves get lost, dropping into a wide open, huge abyss. But that's why we have to keep trying. We have to push through all that hurts us, work past all our memories that are haunting us. Sometimes the things that hurt us are the things that make us strongest. A life without experience, in my opinion, is no life at all. And that's why I tell everyone that, even when it hurts, never stop yourself from living.”

Alysha Speer

At times, life can be very painful and messed up when we are in the midst of a challenge.  When we are resistant and struggle against the lesson rather than learn from it, life can get pretty complicated.  We can become lost if we forget all we truly know as truth.  If we do not use our tools of faith, trust, and hope, we can wander quite a ways from our true destination. 

After awhile, we grow so tired of wallowing in the void, we begin to try once again.  We may need a mentor or therapist to help us untangle what is at the root of our problem.   The process of identifying our barriers and removing limitations is not easy by any means.  It requires consistent and heart searing work work through our issues.  The results are well worth the effort.  We survive feeling stronger and closer to our life's purpose.

It is good to remember we are not the only ones fighting a great battle.  Every one here on earth faces challenges whether they appear to be or not.  We are not all at the same stage of process.  This is why sometimes we are on top of the world smiling, noticing someone else struggling or people around us are smiling and we are the ones struggling.  We are not alone in life experience.

It is important to remain constant in our awareness, retain compassion for our selves and others, and strengthen our connection with Spirit.  To have a strong relation with the Divine does not excuse us from life's lessons.  No one is excused.  Our lessons, however, can be less painful if we respond to them immediately, honestly, and seek a new way.  We can remember: to believe in our personal abilities to move through problems; our personal relationship with God; and the joy in achieving accomplishment.

Keep it Simple

Saint Francis of Assisi:

Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love;

Where there is injury, pardon;

Where there is doubt, faith;

Where there is despair, hope;

Where there is darkness, light;

Where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek

To be consoled as to console,

To be understood as to understand,

To be loved as to love;

For it is in giving that we receive,

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

It is in dying to self that we are born to eternal life.

Reading ancient transcripts or the writings of current philosophers can get rather overwhelming.  Bit by bit, author by author, we gather information retaining some and dismissing the rest.  Speculation and imagination prompt wanderings into the unknown where we draw to our selves more experiences to peak our curiosity even further.  On and on we go, seeking more and more information to add to our great thinking tanks.   Seminars, vision quests, and time spent in solitude are opportunities for the hopeful to learn even more tools to increase our communication with the Divine.  Much time and thought is given to these richly intertwined spiritual moments.

Quite unexpectedly, we happen to run across a touching prayer such as that of the Italian,  St. Francis (1181/1182 to 1226).  Within his words from centuries ago, we discover requests that if granted,  we would all live as one in a world of peace.

In prayers such as this we are reminded we do not need all of the rhetoric, limitations, and boundaries proposed by organized institutions to discover the heart of the matter.  Displayed in the prayer of  St. Francis of Assisi is a 'To Do List' or daily affirmations.  We do not have to be a theologian or rocket scientist to navigate our way through meaningful life.

I believe it was Jesus the Christ who encouraged us to love one and other.  So very basic and yet so seldom followed.  Release the illusion of separateness that is so dramatic and complex.  Let us just love, and keep it simple!

Remember to use Tools

Tell me, and I'll forget.

Show me, and I may not remember.

Involve me, and I'll understand.

Native American Saying

There are so many tools in life.  As we grow up we learn acceptable behavior and unfortunately, we are not taught how to handle the emotions that we stuff down inside of our selves.  Rules of the Road, tools of the trade, Robert's Rules of Order, and life skills, but seldom do we learn how to navigate through our emotional landscapes.

In some ways, life itself teaches us how to cope and we also meet mentors along the way.  Perhaps through reading or creative expression or spiritual practice we also learn how to process our experiences.

As life draws on, we have gathered several tools to help us in daily living and in challenge or crisis.  The trick, however, is to remember to call forth our tools.  We need to be conscious of the necessity to apply what we know rather than collapse into old behaviors that no longer serve us.

We are not responsible for other people's behaviors.  If someone chooses to scream and yell at us, it is his or her choice to react in such a manner.  We do not have to condone inappropriate behavior.

If we have erred in our work or responsibilities, we have made a mistake not become a failure.  Apologize and sincerely respond with intention for correction.  When the intensity of the moment has passed, we must use our voice by calmly stating we expect to be treated professionally.

When loved ones have had a bad day they are entitled to feel whatever they feel, but are not entitled to come home and take it out on us.  Making healthy statements can help both individuals involved, such as: "I can see that you are very upset.  Why don't you take a few minutes to sort your feelings out, and then we can talk when you are not so upset." 

Encourage the person to journal, take a walk or run, wash the day off in the shower or take some alone time in the garden or listen to favorite music.  If you can objectively listen to your loved one without being pulled into the drama, then it is fine to be a sounding board.  If, however, you find your self cowering with hurt feelings, better boundaries need to be created.

People who respond to us poorly are usually doing so based on situations that have nothing to do with us.  Sometimes just kindly acknowledging the frustration can clear the air.  For example, if we are in a restaurant and the wait staff is acting like it is our fault they have to be working, a comment can be made ... "Sounds like you are really having a bad day!"  If said with sincerity, the person will usually respond with an apology and shift into a more appropriate mode of service.  If we call some one and he or she answers very gruffly, common sense tells us to politely offer, "You sound like you are really busy.  Why don't I call back later?"  Often times, this brings attention to the rude exchange and the person becomes willing to help right there and then.

It serves no purpose to respond in a negative way, as this just adds to the building energy.  Respond in kindness but do not become the 'dumping ground' for some one else's anger.  Listening to a friend is different, but some times even with a friend we must use the tools we know.  "Sounds like you really have a problem.  Let me know how it comes out."

Being a sounding board is quite different from being some one's punching bag.  We must create strong boundaries while having compassion.  If we don't respect our selves, why should any one else?

We are all capable of being rude or inappropriate given the right or wrong circumstances.  As soon as we realize we have acted poorly, it is very important for all involved to apologize as soon as you can.  Send a quick e-mail, text, card or phone call.  We don't have to grovel, but if we don't make the gesture of kindness, a space begins to grow between the involved parties. 

If we cannot return to the situation for whatever reason, we can remember what we are capable of and endeavor to not do so again.  If we remember our own behaviors, it is helpful in understanding the actions of others.  People are frequently reflections of our selves.