Messed Up

                                     



“Life is painful and messed up. It gets complicated at the worst of times, and sometimes you have no idea where to go or what to do. Lots of times people just let themselves get lost, dropping into a wide open, huge abyss. But that's why we have to keep trying. We have to push through all that hurts us, work past all our memories that are haunting us. Sometimes the things that hurt us are the things that make us strongest. A life without experience, in my opinion, is no life at all. And that's why I tell everyone that, even when it hurts, never stop yourself from living.”

Alysha Speer

At times, life can be very painful and messed up when we are in the midst of a challenge.  When we are resistant and struggle against the lesson rather than learn from it, life can get pretty complicated.  We can become lost if we forget all we truly know as truth.  If we do not use our tools of faith, trust, and hope, we can wander quite a ways from our true destination. 

After awhile, we grow so tired of wallowing in the void, we begin to try once again.  We may need a mentor or therapist to help us untangle what is at the root of our problem.   The process of identifying our barriers and removing limitations is not easy by any means.  It requires consistent and heart searing work work through our issues.  The results are well worth the effort.  We survive feeling stronger and closer to our life's purpose.

It is good to remember we are not the only ones fighting a great battle.  Every one here on earth faces challenges whether they appear to be or not.  We are not all at the same stage of process.  This is why sometimes we are on top of the world smiling, noticing someone else struggling or people around us are smiling and we are the ones struggling.  We are not alone in life experience.

It is important to remain constant in our awareness, retain compassion for our selves and others, and strengthen our connection with Spirit.  To have a strong relation with the Divine does not excuse us from life's lessons.  No one is excused.  Our lessons, however, can be less painful if we respond to them immediately, honestly, and seek a new way.  We can remember: to believe in our personal abilities to move through problems; our personal relationship with God; and the joy in achieving accomplishment.

Paddling As Fast As We Can

   "paddling as fast as we can ..."

A friend of mine had been dealing with several stresses in her life, and I was concerned about her.  We agreed to meet for coffee and as I expected, my dear friend looked exhausted. 

I quietly listened as she shared her challenges with me and my respect for her grew greatly.  She had taken on measures above and beyond what had been called for making only one response, " I am so glad that I am in a position to help!"

I praised her efforts and supported her the best I could, but I also cautioned her about taking care of her self, finding balance so she wouldn't come undone.  She laughed and shared a conversation she had with her husband about how she looked like a duck calmly gliding across the water when in reality her feet were paddling 90 miles per hour.  It was such a great visual, we both found our selves laughing heartily.  Laughter is good for the soul!

This image of a calm gliding duck with bionic feet stayed with me throughout the day.  So many times when crisis hits, we go into some kind of automatic drive, taking charge, surging to the rescue as everyone else sighs in relief that control has been taken.  Unknown to them, under the surface, we are paddling  as fast as we can!  I believe it is referred to as an adrenaline rush.

It is admirable to help others, but not at the risk of our own health.  There is a fine line between helping and enabling.  It is not helpful to be invasive nor is it good to allow others to take advantage.  If we feel used, we need to step back and use our voice.  If we need to restore, we need to invite others to assist in our absence.  We must be able to recognize what is best for our selves, not just the people we help.

I was very impressed to learn that my most thoughtful friend had arrived on the scene, determined what she was willing to do and where she would draw the line.  Her intentions were clear, and she is now tending to her own needs.  I am proud of her!  Her little duck feet are on solid ground in slow motion.  In time her resilience will return! We do not always have the strength to keep healthy boundaries nor recognize our own limitations.

Reach Out to Others!

I am feeling heartbroken for the people in Connecticut.  I'm turning off the TV and turning toward my family, faith and deeper prayer. 

        Lord, help me send love and light to those in pain.  Let me stay calm and openhearted while I manage my own fear and anger.  Help me to remember that news coverage is traumatizing for me, not healing, and that my children need safety and information, not more fear.

Brene Brown Ph.D

www.ordinarycourage.com

(Brene Brown is an excellent author, presenter, and professor.  She has contributed excellent information regarding the subject of shame and imperfection,  based on her research.  Please experience her on u tube, purchase one of her books, or explore her website.)

This holiday season has been greatly impacted by the passing of innocent lives, uncompleted lives, and one very disturbed life.  I encourage each of you to allow this horrible situation to be processed and not repressed.  Confide in friends, family, neighbors, ministers, therapists, in the privacy of your journal or creatively expressed through art.  Release your emotions through prayer, good deeds towards others, contemplation or communing with nature.  Accept your emotions as they are, but then release them.  Let your sadness or anger pass through you embracing loving thoughts of your loved ones.

Over the years, tragedy has touched your life in one way or another.  When something horrific occurs to someone else, your old memories will resurface.  Acknowledge how you feel, but then get busy.  Stay active, but get plenty of sleep.  Find a few activities to brighten your mood ... a movie, massage, coffee with a friend.  Join other families when you are invited or welcome other friends without family to join you. 

Do a lot of snuggling whether it is with your mate, girlfriends, children, grandchildren or favorite pet.  You cannot help how you feel but you can choose your behaviors.  So don't get stuck.  It is a difficult time, a time to reach out to others!