Holding the Answer

 

 

 

 

"My little mind is conflicted about what to do.

And even after I have decided in peace,

my little mind

now is confused about the outcome."

 

Hugh Prather

SPIRITUAL NOTES to MYSELF     

 

 

 

 

If there were one word to describe my childhood, it would be confused.  Nothing appeared to be consistent and what was my truth definitely was not in alignment with the family.  The family seemed to be able to display an image that did not resonate within in me.  Their were so many conflicting scenarios, I began to doubt my own truth.  I was to honor and obey my parents as they were representing God, so Sunday School proclaimed.  If this were true, how could I not accept their word over mine?  Thus, confused. 

 

A few weeks ago, I was grappling with a very important decision.  This decision would impact me greatly, so it had to be well thought out.  My decision once made, would not necessarily be understood by others and knowing I would be going against the status quo, I felt confused.  I felt those old feelings of second guessing my self, my inner wisdom being questioned, even though I knew it was what I wanted. 

 

Then I remembered my confusion had been caused when I was a child, incapable of discerning family dysfunctions.  I now had choice and could trust my choices.  Being open to other suggestions is beneficial, but in the end, I must choose.  I felt great relief upon making my decision.

 

Believing in my abilities, honoring my inner feelings, I announced my final answer to those directly involved.  I felt a personal freedom and an inner power of mastering my life.  This didn't last for long, as worry set in.  What if I was wrong?  I began to worry my new sense of power down to the nubbins.  Once again I found myself to be confused. 

 

My eyes scanned my bookshelves, searching for a book to escape into, to end this ever repeating pattern of childhood insecurity about truth.  Selecting a favorite old friend, I settled in to read.  Amazed, right before me was a story addressing how people  changed their lives simply by taking action.  Choices awaiting us might not be the best, but they are there waiting to pull us out of victim hood.  Making choice is the required action for change.  Ah, validation.

 

As the hours passed, my courage to support my decision returned.  I tried to be gentle accepting that once again I had looked outside of my lovely self rather than trusting my gut.  I was still seeking approval for what was best for me, when I knowingly held the answer in my heart. 

 

Seeking knowledge from others assists us in making our lives run smoothly.  Additional information assists us in deciphering our intentions. The entire time, however, there is a small voice patiently waiting for us to hear and to believe in our own truths. 

 

It takes hard work to excavate old structures, and one must remain constantly aware that we give up too easily. Deep inside under piles of fear and old debris, our authentic voice is waiting to be uncovered.  We have value no matter what the past holds, and we are worthy no matter what we have left undone.  We need to pick up our shovels and begin to dig discovering the inner beauty of our selves. The answers await in your heart.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



 

 

 

 

 

 





 

 

Messed Up

                                     



“Life is painful and messed up. It gets complicated at the worst of times, and sometimes you have no idea where to go or what to do. Lots of times people just let themselves get lost, dropping into a wide open, huge abyss. But that's why we have to keep trying. We have to push through all that hurts us, work past all our memories that are haunting us. Sometimes the things that hurt us are the things that make us strongest. A life without experience, in my opinion, is no life at all. And that's why I tell everyone that, even when it hurts, never stop yourself from living.”

Alysha Speer

At times, life can be very painful and messed up when we are in the midst of a challenge.  When we are resistant and struggle against the lesson rather than learn from it, life can get pretty complicated.  We can become lost if we forget all we truly know as truth.  If we do not use our tools of faith, trust, and hope, we can wander quite a ways from our true destination. 

After awhile, we grow so tired of wallowing in the void, we begin to try once again.  We may need a mentor or therapist to help us untangle what is at the root of our problem.   The process of identifying our barriers and removing limitations is not easy by any means.  It requires consistent and heart searing work work through our issues.  The results are well worth the effort.  We survive feeling stronger and closer to our life's purpose.

It is good to remember we are not the only ones fighting a great battle.  Every one here on earth faces challenges whether they appear to be or not.  We are not all at the same stage of process.  This is why sometimes we are on top of the world smiling, noticing someone else struggling or people around us are smiling and we are the ones struggling.  We are not alone in life experience.

It is important to remain constant in our awareness, retain compassion for our selves and others, and strengthen our connection with Spirit.  To have a strong relation with the Divine does not excuse us from life's lessons.  No one is excused.  Our lessons, however, can be less painful if we respond to them immediately, honestly, and seek a new way.  We can remember: to believe in our personal abilities to move through problems; our personal relationship with God; and the joy in achieving accomplishment.

Recognizing Worthiness in Each Other

Our stresses, anxieties, pains and problems

arise because we do not see

the world, others, or even ourselves

as worthy of love.

Prem Prakash

Yesterday, our neighbor did a very kind deed for us.  He happened to see something that got overlooked, so he took it upon himself to correct it before we even knew things had gone awry.  He reacted as a good neighbor, knowing we would have done the same if the situation were reversed.

What interested me, however, was the difference between responses to this neighborly gesture.  I immediately was touched by the unnecessary but deeply appreciated action, whereas my 'significant other' politely gave thanks, but focused more on how he should have noticed it himself.  The good deed somehow ended up as a sign of his own neglect.

Throughout the evening, my mind just kept looking at this situation wondering why two people would react so differently.  Why would some one choose to criticize himself rather than be thankful for some one else's actions?

The answer eventually surfaced and I readily recognized it as it was an area I have worked on all of my life ... worthiness.  There were many yesterdays that I resented help from others, thinking I should be able to meet my own needs.  I disliked if someone unasked assisted me as I believed they viewed me as being incapable of completing the task on my own.

As the years passed, I learned a great deal about myself and others.  I started to recognize my strengths and gifts, as well as the strengths and gifts of others.  Life no longer was a competition and the only one I needed to compare myself to, was me.  I began to honor my accomplishments and respect the outcomes of my challenges.  Self-worth eventually surfaced and changed my out look of the world surrounding me.

It is far easier to embrace kind gestures of neighbors, strangers, or cultures when we are comfortable in our own skin.  The immediate reaction is no longer to look within to find fault, but to look out wards at the kindness of another with a thankful heart.  With recognition of the good actions of others, we allow them to feel respected and we grow closer together.

By graciously receiving the help of an other, we begin to feel hope in each other and in the world.  Instead of focusing on weaknesses we can focus on strengths finding a place for every one to live side by side in harmony.

The next time you feel ungrateful or defensive about a person's kind gesture, examine what those feelings are really about.  Look inside and determine what it is about you that is triggering this reaction.