Holding the Answer

 

 

 

 

"My little mind is conflicted about what to do.

And even after I have decided in peace,

my little mind

now is confused about the outcome."

 

Hugh Prather

SPIRITUAL NOTES to MYSELF     

 

 

 

 

If there were one word to describe my childhood, it would be confused.  Nothing appeared to be consistent and what was my truth definitely was not in alignment with the family.  The family seemed to be able to display an image that did not resonate within in me.  Their were so many conflicting scenarios, I began to doubt my own truth.  I was to honor and obey my parents as they were representing God, so Sunday School proclaimed.  If this were true, how could I not accept their word over mine?  Thus, confused. 

 

A few weeks ago, I was grappling with a very important decision.  This decision would impact me greatly, so it had to be well thought out.  My decision once made, would not necessarily be understood by others and knowing I would be going against the status quo, I felt confused.  I felt those old feelings of second guessing my self, my inner wisdom being questioned, even though I knew it was what I wanted. 

 

Then I remembered my confusion had been caused when I was a child, incapable of discerning family dysfunctions.  I now had choice and could trust my choices.  Being open to other suggestions is beneficial, but in the end, I must choose.  I felt great relief upon making my decision.

 

Believing in my abilities, honoring my inner feelings, I announced my final answer to those directly involved.  I felt a personal freedom and an inner power of mastering my life.  This didn't last for long, as worry set in.  What if I was wrong?  I began to worry my new sense of power down to the nubbins.  Once again I found myself to be confused. 

 

My eyes scanned my bookshelves, searching for a book to escape into, to end this ever repeating pattern of childhood insecurity about truth.  Selecting a favorite old friend, I settled in to read.  Amazed, right before me was a story addressing how people  changed their lives simply by taking action.  Choices awaiting us might not be the best, but they are there waiting to pull us out of victim hood.  Making choice is the required action for change.  Ah, validation.

 

As the hours passed, my courage to support my decision returned.  I tried to be gentle accepting that once again I had looked outside of my lovely self rather than trusting my gut.  I was still seeking approval for what was best for me, when I knowingly held the answer in my heart. 

 

Seeking knowledge from others assists us in making our lives run smoothly.  Additional information assists us in deciphering our intentions. The entire time, however, there is a small voice patiently waiting for us to hear and to believe in our own truths. 

 

It takes hard work to excavate old structures, and one must remain constantly aware that we give up too easily. Deep inside under piles of fear and old debris, our authentic voice is waiting to be uncovered.  We have value no matter what the past holds, and we are worthy no matter what we have left undone.  We need to pick up our shovels and begin to dig discovering the inner beauty of our selves. The answers await in your heart.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



 

 

 

 

 

 





 

 

A Reflection of Integrity



"People don't always mean what they want you to think they mean," his grandfather told him.  "If you listen hard enough, your ears will begin to see things.  And one day you will be able to listen to someone and see their real meaning hidden underneath their words.  And sometimes you will even find those meanings sitting right on top of their words, as bold as ever, because a lot of people won't know that your ears can see the truth."

Sidney Poitier

MONATARO CAINE



It is with great pleasure to read THE MEASURE OF A MAN written by Sidney Poitier.  It is a reflection of his life and everything I had sensed about him seems to be playing out.  I respect him and admire him for his journey has been filled with struggles.  If we are a live, we face struggles, but it is in  how we choose to  handle them that becomes of interest to me.

As a young child, Mr. Poitier learned to read body language as many on the small island either spoke very little or  would not speak at all.  To navigate through his young years, he depended upon his own senses to understand the intentions of others.  He grew up with freedom to explore the sparsely populated island of poverty, and was deeply loved by his family.  Never seeing a mirror or even a store window, he had no idea of what he looked like, so he held a strong image of himself dependent upon his ability to handle life.  His very early years were filled with confidence, acceptance of self and others, and integrity.

I will not focus on the struggles of Mr. Poitier's life as he moved to larger islands and communities.   I will place great emphasis on his belief in himself and his determination to retain integrity.  His early years of development were saturated with a strong sense of self and honoring others.

As his life unfolds, he is offered parts to be played reflecting a lesser man.   As attractive as the offer may have been, Mr. Poitier chooses the roles he plays very carefully.  He will not play the role of someone to be presented as a lesser man.  He desires to project images that are positive and not scenes that were offensive to his character.  He wanted his characters to reflect a sense of morals. 

I find this most interesting, as I have always wondered about the suicides or over-doses of seemingly successful artists who play villains or undesirables.  I have read about actors living in the chosen role prior to rehearsals, and never breaking character in between filming, in the attempt to become most like the character being played.  So if we ingratiate these characteristics, over laying our own, dressing and embodying said personality, is one not in some sense really impacting their own persona?

Sidney Poitier is a human being so of course he has a negative side just like everyone else, but it seems that he has done well in embracing and balancing the good with the bad.  His conduct as a man with integrity has led him to a variety of adventures, nominations, awards and diplomatic representation. 

Simply put, I admire this man and always have.  Ever since high school, I have had the sense that at his core, he was a man of integrity.  He has not had an easy journey, but he has followed his instincts and maintained self-respect in spite of the world surrounding him.

Moving Forward

"He could hear human hearts breaking.  Tonight, he could hear soundless screams of a nameless brigade trying to find its way out of a concrete jungle of unrealized dreams."

Sidney Poitier

MONTARO CAINE



When in high school, I viewed the movie, LILIES OF THE FIELD, and I experienced  great admiration for Sidney Poitier.  Somewhere in there was another movie entitled, A PATCH OF BLUE, followed by TO SIR, WITH LOVE; IN THE HEAT OF THE NIGHT;  and GUESS WHO'S COMING TO DINNER.  Sidney Poitier is a well established actor,  film director, author and diplomat.  He is a spiritual man I greatly admire.

I have just read Mr. Poitier's novel, MONTARO CAINE.  The story itself was not what held my attention, but rather the depth of meaning behind the story.  The characters from the beginning moved with a momentum leading to qualities that today's world needs to adhere to.  The quality of his writing had a simple richness to it with the his ability to utilize well chosen words.   

In this time in our world, right now, we are all being called to goodness, to stand up for what is right for all peoples.  We are being nudged to realize we are temporary visitors of our planet and we are being unacceptable guests.  We are individually being called to know our heart, to share in the care of the earth, and to speak our truths.  When we trust and embrace kindness, the Universe provides.

If we truly listen to the nightmares, the doubts, the shaming and guilt residing within, we can experience self-forgiveness and personal healing.  When we throw off the misguided choices of our past, there is new room cleanly created to rekindle our passion and discover new beginnings of hope.

Words of surrender and submission  go against my grain, but I feel ascended by the thought of embracing Divine Spirit surrounding me in all things.  I have faith to step through the fear of darkness and onto the path of light where we can all move forward together.