Socks on the Line

To heal our relationships,

we have to move closer to people

we do not like,

learn to work with them

without friction.

When we do this,

we are remaking the images

in our minds ~

which means we are literally

remaking the world

in which we live.

Eknath Easwaran

Words to Live By

 

Relationship is one of the best teachers in life.  As human beings, we often find disharmony with family, friends, or business acquaintances.  Our general reaction may be to ignore or distance our selves when conflict occurs.  This, of course, is not the ideal way to handle the situation. 

What we frequently fail to recognize is that we project certain images upon others and when they do not act according to our imposed image, we react negatively.  We do not see the person as they truly are, we see them as we think they are.

To be clear, I will state that no one has any obligation to tolerate violence or abuse of any kind.  I am not addressing extreme issues that require absolute avoidance.  I am speaking to every day occurances that are a part of life in general.

When we feel discomfort with another person, instead of stepping away, stay present and observe the other person.  Really listen to what he or she is saying and try to put the conflicting viewpoint into a non-judgmental context.  Open your heart to feel what is being said from some one else's heart, rather than your own.

We do not always need to approve or condone the opinions of others, but if we can stretch our selves to understand differing viewpoints we can remain side by side without friction.  We can agree to disagree.  We want others to respect and honor our unique approach to life, and so we must do the same in return. 

It is really like socks hanging on a line.  Some are quite different while others are similar, but they all have a place to be.  We all have the right to wear our own socks, but perhaps we need to stand in other people's shoes. 

We are a diverse population and we are all entitled to have our own space to authentically exist.  Tolerance will help us create a world in which we can all live.

Finding Equal Happiness

How passionately we love everything

that cannot last:

the dazzling crystallory of winter,

the spring in bloom,

the fragile flight of the butterflies,

crimson sunsets,

a kiss,

and life.

Dean Koontz

Brother Odd

Yesterday was an euphoric entry into the magical rhythms of spring ... sunshine bursting, flowers radiant, green grass begging for bare feet, sweet fragrances floating in the air ... and all was well in my world.

People in the community were holding their hearts open in celebration of spring.  Everyone seemed to be a bit more kinder and polite towards each other by holding doors, offering smiles and seemingly happy to be alive!

In search for a few new pieces to spruce up my spring wardrobe, I encountered, much to my surprise, a professional friend I had not seen for twenty years.  She looked wonderful as she shared her accomplishments and excitedly embraced my career reporting.  I felt connected to my successful past which brought joy into my present.

When I returned to my car and settled into the driver's seat, I noticed something on my windshield.  "Oh no," I thought,  "not a ticket to ruin this perfect day!"  I climbed back out and ripped the paper from behind the windshield wiper.  What could this be?  Upon closer examination I discovered the lovely handwriting of a neglected friend.  Oh how I wish I had seen her!  Her quickly written message made me miss her all the more.

Upon arriving back at the house, I bustled in vibrating with all of the energies from this lovely spring day.  Writing in my journal,  I leisurely expressed my thoughts about the unfolding of this spring day.  I sadly realized that this foray into spring bliss, as other things I surely love, couldn't sustain these feelings much longer.  

The sun would once again sink into the horizon, and the graceful appearance of the moon would glide across the star lit sky.  Begrudgingly, I would leave the porch swing and find my way to bed.  I would place my fantasy spun memories to rest in hopes of finding equal happiness tomorrow.

Are You Sure ... Thich Nhat Hanh

YOUR TRUE HOME by Thich Nhat Hanh


Are You Sure:

All of us are only human, and we have wrong perceptions every day.  Our spouse or partner is also subject to wrong perceptions, so we must help each other to see more clearly and more deeply.  We should not trust our perceptions too much -  that is something the Buddha taught.  "Are you sure of your perceptions?" he asked us.  I urge you to write this phrase down on a card and put it up on the wall of your room:  "Are you sure of your perceptions?"

There is a river of perceptions in you.  You should sit down on the bank of this river and contemplate your perceptions.  Most of our perceptions, the Buddha said, are false.  Are you sure of your perceptions?  This question is addressed to you.  It is a bell of mindfulness.

...................

Daily, we make assumptions about people, places and things.  We interpret  our thoughts as though they were 100% truth.  What we think impacts our behaviors and interactions with others.  


Quite honestly, there are times when we would be better off just saying, "I don't know."  Although it may sound rigidly religious, we can be more mindful about letting judgment remain in the realm of divinity.  I don't want to judge others primarily because I don't want others to judge me.  I would rather face judgment of the heavenly who can see the entire picture or know the entire story.


We never really know the entire truth, so rather than stressing over who to believe, let it go and devote your time to praying in what ever form that takes for the people involved.  This helps everyone from a higher level instead of passing personal judgment.


Years ago, a college friend called from out of town to tell me he had just purchased a rather large business where I was then living.  He was very excited.  When he arrived in town, we met for a drink bringing our college year books and catching up on activities of our friends over the past years.  This man was very handsome and personable.  He had an infectious laugh and a very kind heart.  I knew him to be fair and trustworthy.  He was still single and I was already contemplating the available women he might find interesting. 


During the following month, news articles, billboards and advertisements reflected his purchase of this local business.  As word began to circulate in the small community, I was happy to tell others about him.  As the weeks passed, I began to hear some very negative remarks about my friend.  I heard that he was dishonest, untrustworthy and he would not be welcome in our town.


I was able to track down where the rumor had started.  His largest competitor admitted he took it upon himself to be quite creative about my friend's work history.  By twisting the facts with a negative spin the competition was dead before it even had time to take root.  The accuracy of the town talk didn't matter and everyone easily believed what was not true.  My friend was doomed prior to arrival.


Perceptions.  We all have perceptions, but we do not always have all of the facts.  In certain situations, no matter what we think or who we research, it will be impossible to know the absolute truth.  Before our perceptions slide into judgment, slip into prayer for all peoples involved as they all will be suffering.  If we truly are operating with an open heart, we offer forgiveness, compassion, and a willingness to reserve all judgment.


The end of the story:  My friend indeed did come to town aware of the vicious rumors being spread by his competitor.  He conducted business with his high standards and soon his business grew.  People got to know him and like him, but they never 'let him in'.  He was always just on the edge as the old perceptions were still lodged   in the minds of others.  The community never really embraced him completely.  His competitor of course continued the slander.  Eventually, my friend married for the first time and decided to begin his family in a new location where they could truly call it home.  


Perceptions.  We really need to ask ourselves, "Is this true, absolutely proof positive true?"  And even if it is true, we have no need to judge, or enter into an arena where we have no business being.  Even if we have a personal interest, we need not be self appointed juries.  I am not encouraging any one  to accept or embrace negative behaviors, but rather to use your emotions in a positive way hoping to bring healing
to all involved.