"You Gotta' Wanna'!"

www.gratefulness.org

More and more evidence indicates that lack of love not only leads to loneliness, despair, and resentment, but also contributes to the deterioration of physical health.

Eknath Easwaran

Loneliness can lead to destructive behavior or a withdrawal into ourselves, both distancing us from the input we truly need.  This sense of being alone can occur in the midst of a large family or in a hollow existence.  If we have the strength to rectify the situation, we frequently look outside of ourselves to fill the empty space.  In truth, the first step needs to be into our self, connecting to what would bring joy into our lives. 

Passion is not just about love making.  Passion is the fire in the belly, the catalyst projecting us farther into the realms of being alive which attracts kindred spirits.  Instead of using our energy to seek out people, we can use that energy to discover small bits of kindling to light our fire.  When the flames soar up into the sky, they will attract others to gather near us. 

When we are feeling unloved or unworthy, we close into our selves which inevitably begins to impact our health.  Poor eating habits, no exercise, no stimulating conversations, tend to take a toll on our health.  On the other hand, when we pull ourselves out of the victim role and set upon a journey to discover our hearts desires, we empower our body with more strength and energy.  We open up rather than shut down.

The effect of disrespect for our selves trickles down into our soul.  We experience anxiety, loss of sleep, lack of drive and a lethargic view towards life.  We may find it difficult to reach inside to unearth what would truly bring us joy.  It takes effort and determination as nothing comes easily.  Once, however, we are on that road to discovery, life seems a little bit more hopeful.  No one can do this for us.  What is that saying, "You gotta' wanna!"

Undoing a Compulsion

 

 

 

 

 

 

"When you feel angry towards someone and want to say something unkind,

that is all the more reason to speak kindly. If someone provokes you and

you respond with... anger, you are reinforcing anger as a part of your personality.

 

"So returning kindness for unkindness is not simply being kind to that particular person. 

You're being kinder to yourself, because you are undoing a compulsion, taking one more

step towards being free. You are turning wrath away from yourself, as well as being kind

to the other person."

 

- Eknath Easwaran,

"Words to Live By"

 

 

When someone acts out unkindly, we are often tempted to respond in the same way.  This allows the person to pull us off our center, to unbalance us, or trigger us to behave in a way that would not be our norm.  By doing this, we give our power away.

 

Whether it is a clerk in the store, a co-worker, or stranger on the street, we can always respond with a smile which reflects a more positive action.  In doing this, frequently, the other person will shake off their own mood and return a smile. 

 

Some times, we are caught in a mood and remain unaware that it is being projected out to others.  We don't realize the impact we make.  When a person around us speaks kindly to us, the contrast of our own foul mood awakens us to a better place.  So in a way, giving out smiles or small phrases of encouragement is an easy act of serving others. 

 

When we are faced with some one's anger and refrain from judgment, we not only serve a person, but also honor and respect ourselves.  Any positive interaction can elevate our own frame of mind.

 

We have all heard numerous stories of someone on a wait staff being abrupt, rude, or uncaring.  When the patron of the restaurant calmly responds, the waiter or waitress will soften and sometimes even apologize.  If we are patient, they may even respond by mentioning their bad day.  From that point forward, the service of the wait staff improves.  Both individuals involved feel better.

 

My friend Cherrie mentioned a phrase about our ego.  When we are wronged, we can apologize which does not necessarily mean we are accepting responsibility for any action.  When we apologize, we are showing that the relationship is more important than ego.

 

 



 

 



 

 

Which Chair?

 

 

 

 

 

The very attitude of resisting

                                in the face of a wrong desire                                

  is the beginning of

good health, vitality, and love.

 

Eknath Easwaran

Thought for the Day

 

 

Although I forget what it is called, there is a technique in therapy using three chairs.  The first chair is the child's chair (tantrum), the second is the teenager's chair (fight or flight) and the last is the adult chair (options).  When experiencing resistance, it is good to equate our feelings with the three chairs.  Identify which chair we are sitting in ... pitching a fit; thinking in black or white without middle ground; or exploring numerous options to resolve the issue.

 

Personally, I really don't spend much time in the child's chair, but over the last few years I have been reminding myself to 'scoot over' into the adult chair to broaden my scope.  While facing resistance, I often used the either or approach.  Ego seems to prefer this narrow margins of two choices only to insure control.  Ego wants it wants and by narrowing the margins of selection, ego masterminds decisions.

 

 

Any scenario can look like this ...

 

Child chair:  I refuse to do it.  If I have to go then you have to give me _____ in return.

                       It's never what I want to do.  I never get my way! Lots of whining.

                       Emotional attempt to win.

 

Teenager chair:  Are you in or are you out?  My way or the highway.  No discussion.

                             Limited choice with strong control.   No compromise. Argumentative

                             Win or lose situation.

 

Adult chair:  I need to explore the options, even if they are not very good.  I realize I have

                       choice and can perhaps adjust behaviors/attitudes to honor both my self

                       and those around me.  Creating a compromise that is in every ones

                       best interest, and being comfortable with my part.  Cooperation.

 

 

This technique may seem elementary, but it really comes in quite handy.  In any situation that makes us feel uncomfortable or challenged, just make a quick note as to where we are sitting.  By doing this, life becomes easier by sliding from chair to chair.  Better decisions are made and the incidents of impulsive action are reduced greatly.  Utilizing better choices also increases and strengthens how we regard ourselves.



 

 

 

 

 

Creative Fuel for Personal Fire



"All of us carry a cleansing fire hidden inside. It may be banked with ashes, cold to the touch, but a spark of the divine is there nonetheless, ready to leap into life. It is nothing less than love of God. Latent in every one of us, it wants only encouragement before it flares to vibrant life, burning up everything selfish and impure. Once ignited and coaxed with the fuel of love for others, it sheds light and warmth all around."

Eknath Easwaran
Thought for the Day
Blue Mountain Center


As a youngster,  praying to God was acceptable, but if there was any real work to be done, we had to use an emissary such as a priest or minister or patron saint or angel to intercede on our behalf.  In 1983, Shirley MacLaine authored a book entitled, OUT ON A LIMB.  In this writing, one of numerous books, she stated that God was inside each of us and we could communicate directly with the Divine.  Many people labeled this concept as blasphemous.  They were not willing to eliminate the middleman, and claim their personal power.

Currently, it is hard to imagine not communicating directly to God, no matter what image of the Divine one uses.  There is much comfort in maintaining a personal relationship with the Divine.  We are much more apt to maintain awareness throughout our day if we both begin and end our day with Divine conversation.  Even throughout the day, as situations arise, one can automatically ask for Divine guidance. 

There is a great difference going from the status of ' infant born with original sin" like we are doomed before we even crawl or sit up to a spark of the Divine.  It is uplifting to believe we are a host carrying a bit of the Divine within us.  It gives us a sense of responsibility, to strive to honor that which lies within.  It can erase the phrase of denial, "I can't change," to "With God I can do all things!" 

Whatever we want to change we can, but involves a lot of hard work and repetition of lessons.  We will need to discard old patterns in order to prepare for the new.  As in all things, change takes time ... trial and error.  We must extend compassion to our selves and be patient.  Choose healthy ways to support efforts.  Use a journal to express frustration.  Engage in a friendship that encourages and celebrates the journey.  Keep adding kindling to the inner fire!

As we discover how difficult, but possible, it is to change, we may have less judgement and more respect for others.  We may realize we all have our struggles and we all strive to do better. Understand we are loved just as we are, but this is no reason to not try to be better.  So add some creative fuel to our personal fire as we create a better life for our selves, community, and world.

Following Our Passion

                                             

The whole secret of spiritual transformation is turning selfish desire into selfless desire, transforming personal passions into the overwhelming desire to attain life’s highest goal. This is not repression; it is transformation.   Eknath Easwaran


Life calls us to blend our gifts and talents with service and humility to the world.  Unfortunately, this very thought brings images of charities, monks,  and philanthropies fighting poverty, and healing the sick.  Where do I exactly fit in with this scenario?  We are not all social workers, missionaries, or therapists.  How will mathematicians or scientists serve the greater scale?  As usual, everything falls into place when we allow our self to spiritually transform.

It seems that our culture prompts us to visualize helping large masses in foreign countries which indeed is a worthy cause, but how about our own country, our own community, and our own homes. Our thinking gets even more convoluted by trying to imagine ways of how to afford taking on more than what is already before us.  Much of this thinking only clutters our mind, distracts us from purpose, and leads us towards decline.

In my opinion, the answer to spiritual transformation is allowing our hearts and minds to be open to what Spirit brings before us.  Spirit has been planting seeds within us for years and our responsibility is to start growing the garden in our own fertile hearts.  If our perception can be unrestricted, we very well may come across the path that is waiting.  It may be a road less traveled, but if it is the road Divine Spirit places before us, it is the one to follow.

Let us go back to the mathematician.  It is in our closed mindedness we are challenged to envision a mathematician on a Spiritual Path.  Why is that?  A person whose strength is in math can be highly beneficial to the church struggling with finances.  The mathematician may be able to study the book keeping and suggest new procedures are better ways of handling the distribution of the monies.  A mathematician may be able to offer the choir director a reasonable budget for the choir to take an experiential trip to a large city parish. 

My point is that we don't have to rearrange our face to serve.  We use what we know and what we love for the betterment of all peoples rather than personal glory.  If we love the arts, donate what we don't use to local schools or after school programs ... paint, yarn, paper, pens, pencils, etc...  If we have music flowing through our blood, volunteer at a retirement or nursing home or a school for the blind.  Do what we love to do, except spread the wealth of what we do. 

It doesn't require a family trust fund to give to our community.  It doesn't take a miracle worker to perform magic for others.  Just contemplate what we truly love to do, and then ask God to show a way it can be blended for all instead of for one! 



A Great Art



Stick it out: not by becoming a doormat, not by blindly obeying whatever command the other person gives you, but by resolutely refusing to hurt anyone no matter how much you have been hurt. It is a great art. Compassion comes with insight into the heart of life, as we see more clearly the unseen forces that drive a person into action. Ultimately, compassion extends to every creature.

Eknath Easwaran
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY


There just some days we leave our homes feeling the entire world is beautiful and we are happy in our body, mind and soul.  We are fully prepared to embrace our day as we feel abundantly alive and filled with love.  Then we run into a friend or a rude sales clerk and the love is knocked right out of us, leaving us with the sensation of being deflated.  Our impulsive response is usually to strike back, but we are move evolved than that aren't we?  We do not have to condone a person's inappropriate behavior, but we don't have to take it on either.

In these situations, I believe we are called just to stay in the moment.  To be a witness in this person's life as a force of compassion can be the best thing we can do.  If we call upon our intuition we can perhaps catch a glimpse of how miserable this other individual is just by observing her energy or sense of emotion.  We don't need to do that, but it helps us remain in place just for a few minutes.  It is a matter of extending the good parts of our selves, our energy, to this person in obvious need.

When we are cut off in traffic by a dangerous move from another driver, if is easy to yell, "Idiot!"
Then we can quickly realize our error and say, "Oh, sorry."  Then think of why the person was in such a hurry.  Send them good thoughts, "Please be more careful."  It is not good for our mental health to take everything so personally. 

While standing in the midst of a group of people I knew, I felt myself fading.  I didn't need to draw attention to my lovely self, but I at least would have liked to be a part of the conversation.  I offered a nugget of information, but someone talked right over me and I could feel my self shrinking.  I was beginning in minimize my presence, turning invisible when some how I remembered to just be present and to do what I know how to do.  I stood near those who had gathered and simply sent them good thoughts, "Have a really good day.  Really enjoy the spirits of each other.  Open the heart and embrace one and other."  Tons of wonderful thoughts dashed out of my mind and into the presence of others.  I felt purposeful and good, standing in my own power.

A Simple Concept



Loving someone does not mean automatically acquiescing to their every whim.

Sometimes love shows itself in saying no to an attitude or desire that is harmful. But your opposing must be done tenderly, without anger or condescension. This is a difficult art.

 Eknath Easwaran's
Thought for the Day

In my early thirties, I read a concept changing my out look for the rest of my life.  The concept was simple and I was amazed I had never considered it before.  The simple concept was this: 

Yes and No are of equal value.

Yes is not greater than No.

Both reflect a choice.

Both are to be equally respected.

I am not certain where I had learned or more pointedly been taught that 'yes' was always the right answer, while 'no' was deviating from being a 'good' girl.  It was obvious to me that by replying yes, it made others happy, but saying no attracted the evil eye.  I felt badly when I said no, like I was disappointing someone.  When I was somewhat forced to say yes, I was disappointing my self which apparently didn't matter.  I felt guilty and sometimes ashamed for saying no.  The word yes seemed to be laced with being polite, socially appropriate, and more acceptable in relationships. Needless to say, this contributed to having unhealthy boundaries and limitations on my free will.

I cannot remember exactly when the word no was eradicated from my vocabulary, but I believe it was around the time I started screaming resistance in my mind.  Like a trick pony, I learned how to behave and was so successful I was led out into the performance ring to be paraded around.  Even the applause could not deaden the screaming inside of me. 

Once I digested the concept of yes and no being equal, I began to respect my own boundaries.  Observing the shocked reaction of others to my virgin replies of no, I felt the rewards of finally speaking my truth.  The fears of rejection, punishment, and abandonment were no longer greater than the sense of losing my self.  At the age of thirty, I began peeling back layers of falsehoods defining who I supposedly was to the outside world.  I began the long process of becoming who I had been all along on the inside. 

Yes and no can be very powerful words.

Both no and yes can be spoken quite courteously.

Honoring the self creates healthy boundaries.

Being in alignment with heart's desires charts our course.

Touching Each Other

Let us remember that our lives

set an example for others.

No one can say his life doesn't matter,

her words don't matter.

 Eknath Easwaran

Thoughts for the Day

Words to Live By

We all have experienced an exchange with someone who claims, "I will never forget what you said to me," or "I will never forget what you did that one time!"  We frantically search for the time being referenced and nothing comes up.  We smile our humble smile, perhaps nod our head, but for the life of us, we cannot even begin to imagine what this person is talking about. 

It doesn't matter when we extend:

There are times when Divine Spirit speaks through us without our awareness.  A person may desperately need encouragement or validation and even though we personally are not tuned into this particular need, we are vessels of good will.  We may extend a small gesture to someone and never remember it, but to that person it may be life changing.  I we are listening, we will be prompted by Divine Spirit, nudged in a random direction for a reason we may never know.

It matters when we receive:

There are times when we may feel overwhelmed or isolated and miraculously we have an exchange with a total stranger that brings us back to balance.  Once I attended a gathering when I was not in a very good emotional place.  I entered the room and faced complete strangers who all seemed to know each other.  I felt great anxiety with the impulsive idea of making a quick exit when someone said to me, "Come.  Sit here by me.  There is an extra seat."  I was so thankful and yet this person did not seem to have any awareness of how this kindness enabled me to find comfort then and the courage to return again, and again.  In the following months, I saw this person numerous times, and even though we never connected again, I will always remember the kind gesture.  The extended gesture helped me not only in the moment, but in future awkward moments as well.  It has also helped me to be mindful towards others, passing the gesture on.

If we are our very best even when we think we are invisible to others, Divine Spirit may be using us to reflect something to another.  Just our present energy, if powerfully bright and joyful, can allow someone else to tap in and feel recharged.   Visualize that toddler in the grocery store who brightens up our day with a toothless grin.  He or she may never remember us, but we might carry their image within us, brightening our perspective all day long.  We never really know when we are touching each other inside of the invisible grid of life binding us together.

Socks on the Line

To heal our relationships,

we have to move closer to people

we do not like,

learn to work with them

without friction.

When we do this,

we are remaking the images

in our minds ~

which means we are literally

remaking the world

in which we live.

Eknath Easwaran

Words to Live By

 

Relationship is one of the best teachers in life.  As human beings, we often find disharmony with family, friends, or business acquaintances.  Our general reaction may be to ignore or distance our selves when conflict occurs.  This, of course, is not the ideal way to handle the situation. 

What we frequently fail to recognize is that we project certain images upon others and when they do not act according to our imposed image, we react negatively.  We do not see the person as they truly are, we see them as we think they are.

To be clear, I will state that no one has any obligation to tolerate violence or abuse of any kind.  I am not addressing extreme issues that require absolute avoidance.  I am speaking to every day occurances that are a part of life in general.

When we feel discomfort with another person, instead of stepping away, stay present and observe the other person.  Really listen to what he or she is saying and try to put the conflicting viewpoint into a non-judgmental context.  Open your heart to feel what is being said from some one else's heart, rather than your own.

We do not always need to approve or condone the opinions of others, but if we can stretch our selves to understand differing viewpoints we can remain side by side without friction.  We can agree to disagree.  We want others to respect and honor our unique approach to life, and so we must do the same in return. 

It is really like socks hanging on a line.  Some are quite different while others are similar, but they all have a place to be.  We all have the right to wear our own socks, but perhaps we need to stand in other people's shoes. 

We are a diverse population and we are all entitled to have our own space to authentically exist.  Tolerance will help us create a world in which we can all live.

To Make a Difference

I want an earth that is healthy,

a world at peace,

and a heart filled with love.

I want my life to count.

Eknath Easwaran

Words to Live By

It is easy to be defined by the varying roles we play in life whether it is parent, career person, community icon, or lover.  Eventually, however, all of these labels fall short of the identity we long to have. 

It is ironic that we spend so many years of our life adding layers to our personality, only to spend our later years discarding all of the unnecessary debris.  We long to uncover our authentic essence and be truly who we were originally meant to be. 

It is exhausting to project an image of someone we are not and it takes courage to become who we were meant to be all along.  We need to nurture both our bodies and our earth to achieve an ideal state of health.  When we create peace within, we personally begin to initiate peace on earth.   It is only when we love our inner selves that we can extend true love to others.  We want our lives to count, to make a difference.

For me personally, I have chosen three qualities to lead me to authenticity:  unconditional love, integrity, and courage.  If I can successfully embrace these three things, surely my life can make a difference!

Shards of a Broken Spirit

 There are three kinds of violence: one, through our deeds; two, through our words; and three, through our thoughts.  Most of what we call violence is in the form of action, and it is with our actions that nonviolence naturally begins.  But as long as our minds harbor violent thoughts, that incipient violence will find its way somehow into our speech and behavior.  The root of all violence is in the world of thoughts, and that is why training the mind is so important.

Eknath Easwaran

Many years ago, I served on a Regional Commission for Domestic Violence Prevention.  Doctors, lawyers, ministers, and many other professionals attended.  The determined fore runner was Mick Addison Lamb.  Through educating the public and private sectors, he paved the way for attitudes to be changed, county police procedures to be updated, and eventually laws to be put into effect.  As an in home counselor for social services, I knew first hand how devastating violence could be individually as well as collectively to a family and community.

As I read the above passage, now years later, I was once again reminded of the link that thoughts needed to be trained or else they can explode into words, not just behavior.  I started to recall the terrible things I had heard people say, threatening things that crippled others mentally, yet avoiding the physical.  It is easy to show physical evidence like a broken bone, but it is next to impossible to display the shards of a broken spirit.

The shards of a broken spirit can go undetected indefinitely and it is most difficult to fit all of the pieces back together again.  It is a mental and physical process in addition to the spiritual healing.  

We all have harsh thougths from time to time.  Strong words may cross our minds and we may wonder, "where did those come from?"  Or in a moment of disagreement, insults might fly out of our mouths reflecting feelings we didn't even know we had. 

It is important for us to remember that we are all capable of some degree of violence.  If we are aware of our thoughts and sift through them rather than burying them deep inside, we are much more apt to use nonviolent behavior and no harmful words. 

We can choose our words carefully and strive to bathe others in loving kindness.  If we have any inkling that we are in danger or are a danger to others, it is imperative to seek immediate help.  There are ministers, therapists, abuse counselors, and many other members of society willing to listen and assist in finding a road to healthy thinking.

Let's not point the finger at others, let's focus on our inner selves.  Be as good as we were intended to be!

Crisp Clarity

In order to be full

you have to empty yourself

completely of yourself.

Eknath Easwaran

Thoughts for the Day

This morning I eagerly took my coffee onto the back patio to sit in my white wicker rocker and to enjoy the beauty of the morn.  The sun was out and the singing of the birds floated on the currents of the spring breeze. 

I, of course, was not alone.  I was accompanied by the inspirational writings of Mark Nepo, Alan Cohen, and a large collection of poems.  I feel open to breathe in the beauty of the morning and willing to experience new thought.  I was prepared.

Eknath Easwaran in the Thought for the Day, speaks of how we must empty our inner self in order to have room for fullness.  For me, this is not new news.  I find my self doing an internal 'spring cleaning' pretty much every day.  I endeavor to discard all that no longer supports me and everything that is nothing more than emotional baggage.  And yet, as I read these words this morning, I can only sigh in acknowledgement of having too much still attached within me.

I stretch my awareness in hopes of recognizing the criticisms and negative attitudes lurking in my mind.  I long for crisp clarity which will allow me to hear the slightest spiritual motion bringing me into the true sense of the presence of now. 

I realize spiritual moments are fleeting and it is impossible to live endlessly in bliss while navigating through this physical experience we call life.  It is unrealistic to expect to be in splendor all day long, so I seek it of the morning.  I wait for it in the early hours as my day begins.  If by chance I can glimpse a magical moment with insight or wisdom, I can face my day with calm and kindness.

And what if I cannot capture this experience during my morning coffee?  Well, of course the perfect answer might be to remain present in my white wicker rocker well into a meditation with lunch!  Maybe only rain will drive me back in without the support I need.  When asked what I have done today, "Spring cleaning," always seems to keep further questions at bay.