Undoing a Compulsion

 

 

 

 

 

 

"When you feel angry towards someone and want to say something unkind,

that is all the more reason to speak kindly. If someone provokes you and

you respond with... anger, you are reinforcing anger as a part of your personality.

 

"So returning kindness for unkindness is not simply being kind to that particular person. 

You're being kinder to yourself, because you are undoing a compulsion, taking one more

step towards being free. You are turning wrath away from yourself, as well as being kind

to the other person."

 

- Eknath Easwaran,

"Words to Live By"

 

 

When someone acts out unkindly, we are often tempted to respond in the same way.  This allows the person to pull us off our center, to unbalance us, or trigger us to behave in a way that would not be our norm.  By doing this, we give our power away.

 

Whether it is a clerk in the store, a co-worker, or stranger on the street, we can always respond with a smile which reflects a more positive action.  In doing this, frequently, the other person will shake off their own mood and return a smile. 

 

Some times, we are caught in a mood and remain unaware that it is being projected out to others.  We don't realize the impact we make.  When a person around us speaks kindly to us, the contrast of our own foul mood awakens us to a better place.  So in a way, giving out smiles or small phrases of encouragement is an easy act of serving others. 

 

When we are faced with some one's anger and refrain from judgment, we not only serve a person, but also honor and respect ourselves.  Any positive interaction can elevate our own frame of mind.

 

We have all heard numerous stories of someone on a wait staff being abrupt, rude, or uncaring.  When the patron of the restaurant calmly responds, the waiter or waitress will soften and sometimes even apologize.  If we are patient, they may even respond by mentioning their bad day.  From that point forward, the service of the wait staff improves.  Both individuals involved feel better.

 

My friend Cherrie mentioned a phrase about our ego.  When we are wronged, we can apologize which does not necessarily mean we are accepting responsibility for any action.  When we apologize, we are showing that the relationship is more important than ego.