Which Chair?

 

 

 

 

 

The very attitude of resisting

                                in the face of a wrong desire                                

  is the beginning of

good health, vitality, and love.

 

Eknath Easwaran

Thought for the Day

 

 

Although I forget what it is called, there is a technique in therapy using three chairs.  The first chair is the child's chair (tantrum), the second is the teenager's chair (fight or flight) and the last is the adult chair (options).  When experiencing resistance, it is good to equate our feelings with the three chairs.  Identify which chair we are sitting in ... pitching a fit; thinking in black or white without middle ground; or exploring numerous options to resolve the issue.

 

Personally, I really don't spend much time in the child's chair, but over the last few years I have been reminding myself to 'scoot over' into the adult chair to broaden my scope.  While facing resistance, I often used the either or approach.  Ego seems to prefer this narrow margins of two choices only to insure control.  Ego wants it wants and by narrowing the margins of selection, ego masterminds decisions.

 

 

Any scenario can look like this ...

 

Child chair:  I refuse to do it.  If I have to go then you have to give me _____ in return.

                       It's never what I want to do.  I never get my way! Lots of whining.

                       Emotional attempt to win.

 

Teenager chair:  Are you in or are you out?  My way or the highway.  No discussion.

                             Limited choice with strong control.   No compromise. Argumentative

                             Win or lose situation.

 

Adult chair:  I need to explore the options, even if they are not very good.  I realize I have

                       choice and can perhaps adjust behaviors/attitudes to honor both my self

                       and those around me.  Creating a compromise that is in every ones

                       best interest, and being comfortable with my part.  Cooperation.

 

 

This technique may seem elementary, but it really comes in quite handy.  In any situation that makes us feel uncomfortable or challenged, just make a quick note as to where we are sitting.  By doing this, life becomes easier by sliding from chair to chair.  Better decisions are made and the incidents of impulsive action are reduced greatly.  Utilizing better choices also increases and strengthens how we regard ourselves.