Three Chairs for Therapeutic Insight

We may define therapy

as a search

for value.

Abraham Maslow

While attending a class for learning therapeutic tools, I was introduced to the Three Chairs.  Each chair represented a particular behavior and a person could sit in one chair or move around in all three chairs.  During the presentation, it was easily understood how a person could spend minutes, hours, or a lifetime in any one chair or randomly using all chairs.  

The Child's Chair: seats us when we are being demanding, expecting immediate gratification, acting unreasonable or emotionally out of control.

The Survivor's Chair:  seats us when we are in 'fight or flight' mode, rigid or considering just two options like right or wrong accompanied by an adrenaline rush with the desire to run. 

The Adult Chair:  seats us when we decide to 'sit' with our issue and discover the many options that may be at hand.  Both sides of an issue are explored and resolution is paramount, but appropriate time is allowed for all to unfold. 

In the front of the class room three chairs were labeled: the Child's Chair, the Survivor's Chair, and the Adult Chair.  Each student took a turn in front of the class, sitting in the chair that best represented the part of the issue being shared. As the story progressed, the storyteller moved from one chair to the next helping to identify how thoughts were being processed.  Chairs were not used in any particular order and students progressed or regressed back and forth. 

When we are faced with a complexity of life and find our self reacting instead of responding, we can use the image of the three chairs:  Child's Chair ~  I was spoiled or the youngest child or I only received attention through childish fits of behavior;  Survivor's Chair ~ Life required me to protect myself, to be strong and prepared to run for safety;  Adult's Chair ~ I am perfectly capable of addressing my needs in the present moment without acting in childish ways or being defensive. 

Which chair am I sitting in?  This simple question triggers immediate insight.  The goal, obviously, is to move into the adult chair for healthy processing. 

I find the Three Chairs technique to be user friendly.  It is easily applied and the results are amazing!  When used, it brings a higher awareness of when we are reacting instead of thoughtfully responding.  Give it a try!