To Be Fully Alive

"Where you used to be,

there is a hole in the world,

which I find myself

constantly walking around

in the daytime,

and falling in at night.

I miss you like hell."

Edna St. Vincent Millay  

To be alone, may not bother us as much as feeling lonely.  We can be lonely, even when we are surrounded by people.  Although I seek exchanges with kindred spirits, I truly appreciate my alone time.  There are those times, however, when I grow restless, and nothing seems to meet my needs.  I may choose to do odd tasks or attempt projects, but there resides a loneliness within me.  I feel saturated by boredom, but cannot find a satisfying antidote.   The need to feel productive only increases my anxiety.  I find my self standing so close to this feeling of loneliness, I cannot detect what I am missing.

Eventually, I finally give up.  I quit searching for this unlabeled desire, and settle my self down to write.  It is then, at that very moment, the extreme sense of loneliness lifts.  The surge of inspiration as I write fills me with passion for my yet unwritten word.  There is an invisible cord connecting me to all things unseen and my heart feels unequaled joy.    I am lonely no more.

We are all different.   For some the remedy of passion may be found in gardening, antiquing, running, or singing.  All we have to do is discover and acknowledge what action lights our fire.  This doesn't mean we have to be masters of our work, not at all.  It simply means we find something that allows us to be fully alive connecting body, mind, and soul.