To Be Fully Alive

"Where you used to be,

there is a hole in the world,

which I find myself

constantly walking around

in the daytime,

and falling in at night.

I miss you like hell."

Edna St. Vincent Millay  

To be alone, may not bother us as much as feeling lonely.  We can be lonely, even when we are surrounded by people.  Although I seek exchanges with kindred spirits, I truly appreciate my alone time.  There are those times, however, when I grow restless, and nothing seems to meet my needs.  I may choose to do odd tasks or attempt projects, but there resides a loneliness within me.  I feel saturated by boredom, but cannot find a satisfying antidote.   The need to feel productive only increases my anxiety.  I find my self standing so close to this feeling of loneliness, I cannot detect what I am missing.

Eventually, I finally give up.  I quit searching for this unlabeled desire, and settle my self down to write.  It is then, at that very moment, the extreme sense of loneliness lifts.  The surge of inspiration as I write fills me with passion for my yet unwritten word.  There is an invisible cord connecting me to all things unseen and my heart feels unequaled joy.    I am lonely no more.

We are all different.   For some the remedy of passion may be found in gardening, antiquing, running, or singing.  All we have to do is discover and acknowledge what action lights our fire.  This doesn't mean we have to be masters of our work, not at all.  It simply means we find something that allows us to be fully alive connecting body, mind, and soul.

Spit the Words Out!

We should write because humans are spiritual beings and writing is a powerful form of prayer and meditation, connecting us both to our own insights and to a higher and deeper level of inner guidance as well.

Julia Cameron

THE RIGHT TO WRITE

As a child, I kept many diaries.  I loved to write about as much as I loved to read.  Then I learned how to type on a typewriter similar to the antique one above.  I could type faster than I could write so it was a favorite thing for me to do.  Of course I did not learn correct hand positions until high school, but 'hunt and peck' with two fingers really worked well!

When writing by hand, thoughts  can evolve a little deeper.  There is something magical about pen in hand and pen to paper.  I have numerous notebooks to journal in ... dreams, quotes, spiritual subjects ... and I love to randomly sketch on the pages.  When it comes to serious writing for me, I much prefer to use the computer.  Once an idea begins to unfold in my head, my fingers have to be faster than my thoughts.  As information begins to flow through me, typing on the computer is the only way to keep up.

Writing is good for the soul.  When I ask people if they journal or write, so many reply with excuses that don't really matter.  For instance, grammar.  No one is going to comb through a journal with a red pen!  Who cares if words are accidentally misspelled?  No one would be reading private entries anyway.  If using a computer, there is spell check.  A journal might be filled with cryptic phrases or recorded poems or sketches.  My father kept a journal for many years, each night logging in the weather.  It probably meant nothing to anyone else, but to him it was a ritual in his later years.

The importance of writing is the act of expression.  We all need to express our selves.  It is amazing to turn back a few pages in a journal to re-read what was written in our own words.  We really do have wisdom just waiting to be placed on a page.  We may surprise our selves with what we come up with or the thread of meaning running through numerous entries.  Writing is like anything else, it takes practice.

As an adult, my morning pages would be filled with (and I quote) comments such as:  I don't know what to write, I have nothing to say; but eventually I broke through the barrier and relaxed into the task which became a love.  In difficult times, my gratitude journal had evening entries such as:  I am grateful the day is over or I am grateful I can end this day.  Not very inspiring, but later was proof of my strength and endurance.

There is no formal agenda to be followed in a Journal.  Just spit the words out ... lonely, angry  grateful, memories, sad, scared, in love, in the flow, seeking connection, etc ... The topics are endless and uniquely our own. 

(Elizabeth Berg wrote a book several years ago entitled, "The Pull of the Moon."  It remains one of my favorites.  A woman impulsively buys a blank journal which leads her on an adventure to her authenic self.)