Our Unique Story

"Our reality, as I am using this term, has four components:

The Body:  How we look and how our bodies are operating.

Thinking:  How we give meaning to incoming data.

Feelings:  Our emotions.

Behavior:  What we do or don't do.

These four parts of our lives constitute our reality from our perspective."

Pia Mellody

As we experience life, it is only as we know it.  Someone else may experience the same life as our own, but have an entirely different reaction.  Our interpretation of our personal reality adds to our uniqueness. 

We are usually aware of ourselves avoiding a mirror if we have added a few pounds.  We resist buying clothes in the next size deliberately choosing to be miserable in our outgrown attire.  If our face is looking fuller or has formed some blemishes, we will then begin to focus on our hair, not the scarred face in the mirror.  We tell our selves stories about our bodies ... my family is big boned,  exercises will hurt my back, it is too cold or too hot to walk around the block, or no one in my family has ever been athletic. 

As we think these thoughts, we have a tendency to keep them to ourselves, so no one is present to challenge us.  Left on our own, our perspective can easily increase in faulty thinking.  In some extremes, we may feel conscientious in public, thinking others are judging us with their own minds.  Yes, I believe we can become rather paranoid.

As we continue to tamper with our personal reality, our feelings stem out of these judgements.  We may begin to feel 'stupid' for not controlling our weight or we may distance our selves from others for fear their remarks will further damage our feelings of low self-esteem.    Internalizing our thoughts and feelings, we may begin to feel totally overwhelmed.

False thinking about our personal reality impacts our behaviors as well.  We begin to project a different image, hiding our fears behind our newly acquired actions of protection.  We may begin to minimize what we are doing ... oh, just this once;  he didn't really care anyway;  or it is not as though it will harm anyone.  We are reluctant to face the impact we have upon others. 

Our personal reality can become quite complex when we do not keep things honest and simple.  We do not hold our selves accountable for the personal damage we are doing.  We may say "I am not hurting any one," but the person we are hurting is our self. 

It is a good idea to maintain a reality check through journaling or creating confidence with a trusted friend.  Either way, we develop a touchstone, a way to compare or track our thinking, actions, feelings and respect for body.  We need to embrace, accept and hold our selves accountable.  We can ask ourselves, "Is this really true or is this the way I am choosing to view it?"  We have the ability to skew or misinterpret others actions to support our own personal story.  "Could her coldness be a result of my careless thoughts and actions or is she just having a bad day having nothing to do with me?"

We are the authors of our unique life.  Let us endeavor to create an authentic self by remaining aware of who we choose to be.