Jewish Hasidic Story

There is a lovely story from the Jewish Hasidic tradition. Rabbi Zusya, a pious and revered sage, was lying on this deathbed, weeping. His students stood by him perplexed.

"Rabbi, why do you weep?" one of them ventured to ask. "Surely, if anyone is assured a place in the Kingdom of Heaven, it is you."

The sage turned his head toward his beloved students and began to speak softly: "If, my children, when I stand before the Heavenly court, I am asked, 'Zusya, why are you not a Moses?,' I shall have no hesitation in affirming, 'I was not born a Moses.' If they ask me, 'Why, then, were you not an Elijah?' I shall speak with confidence, 'Neither am I Elijah.' I weep, friends, because there is only one question that I fear to be asked: 'Why were you not a Zusya?'" (The DRAGON DOESN'T LIVE HERE ANYMORE by Alan Cohen)


I came across this story several years ago while visiting New Orleans, LA. It has haunted me ever since. I can honestly say that I have no desire to be anyone else and do not wish to have the life of anyone else. I am content to be me; however, being me is no easy matter. Life for me has been such a spiral, repeatedly revisiting lessons on deepening levels. I likened myself to an onion with layers upon layers being pealed off, always crying in the process. Gathering insight over the years, I started to visualize myself as a lotus flower gently opening petal by petal. This has intensified my discovery without the use of so much pain.

My search has always been to discover parts of myself that had become fragmented or lost in my younger years. I studied poets, authors, and religions, retaining knowledge that seemed to resonate within me. Plentiful experience was obtained through personal and professional relationships while nature always seemed to refine me. Being a seeker extended my sense of self leaving me forever grateful for the many teachers bringing me towards the light.

I no longer think of myself so much as a seeker traveling outside of myself, but more of an observer going within. When all of the outside is silenced and I can be quiet within, there is a "knowing" that nurtures me. I am nothing more than light energy that blends with all things. I am a conduit, pulling energy up from the earth and pulling energy down from the sky. These energies gather in my heart beaming through all physical limitations. This may be why I am alive, to carry light energy into the darkness. To help others extend light so that the darkness will fade.

So when I pass from this earthly experience and stand in front of the heavenly court, I hopefully will not be weeping. I envision my heart as being thankful and grateful for all of life bestowed upon me. I will say sincerely that I tried to be all that Virginia was meant to be.