Seeing the Difference

"O God, help me to believe the truth

about myself

no matter how beautiful it is!"

Macrina Weiderkher

Benedictine nun

It is amazing how quickly we believe the negative about ourselves, even when we know it is untrue.  It is equally amazing how long it takes us to find it the beauty within our selves and how difficult it is to embrace it. 

We ease into our awareness when we embrace the beauty in others and in all of life.  It is a bit more challenging to perceive everything as a reflection of our selves.  Unfortunately this includes the weaknesses right along with the strengths.  It some how takes our weakness to appreciate our strength.  We tend to take our personal strength as common and not unusual when in reality, we all are uniquely gifted.

In his book, THE SEAT OF THE SOUL, Gary Zukav (a favorite male author other than Mark Nepo and Alan Cohen) references the difference between external power and internal power.  Our culture grooms us for the need to manipulate and control others at the cost of our personal integrity and denial of true nature.  When we bring our focus on cultivating our own strengths in an effort to enhance not only our lives, but the lives of others, we begin to feel internal power. 

We each have a unique gift with the responsibility of sharing it with our community and our world.  As we devolop our skills to enhance our offerings, we are no longer in competition or threatened by others.  When we learn to balance our selves with multiple perspectives, there is no driven need to be right or wrong.  There is just a drive to 'know' and understand. 

When we place our faith and trust in the Divine and activate our internal power, we attract others endeavoring to enhance themselves ... The Universal Law of Attraction.  When we disengage from people not supporting our creative process or not having the highest good as their intention, we feel stronger in facing the challenges before us. 

In time and with practice, we learn to observe the beauty within our own nature.  We begin to see all of the beauty in the world.  As we focus on the positive, we impact our selves and others creating healthier communities ... physical, mental, and spiritual.  Individually and together, we begin to see the difference.



 

Under Construction

Today, I salute myself as a work in progress,

recognizing both the long road traveled

and the road still ahead.

Julia Cameron

TRANSITIONS 

Life can be so conflicted, moving in and out of positive and negative cycles.  One day we may feel indestructible and all knowing.   Within days or even over night we may feel as though we have been depleted with nothing to offer anyone.   On one occasion we may feel beautiful and radiant followed by several occasions where we feel fat and ugly.  The under current of life can churn our emotions into thick and heavy thoughts distorting our view or it can float us merrily down a stream.  Our life suits, indeed, must be designed accordingly. 

Planning ahead does not support us in life as much as our ability to be in the moment, to be present to others, and to be able to go where we are called.  We can have the best intentions, but life often times pulls us into opposite directions, onto other paths, and into unexpected arenas.  If we can truly accept our gifts and talents and remain in physical and spiritual alignment, we can gracefully face any day or any situation. 

There was a summer I went on a sabbatical.  I sat on my front porch reading, napping, and writing.  One night I sat in the porch swing and watched the full moon travel across the star filled sky.  Yes, it took hours.  I felt a total sense of completion and contentment. 

The next day I had lunch with friends.  They intentionally questioned me about what I was doing and what I had accomplished.  As they drilled me with questions, I anxiously realized I could not account for my time.  There was nothing I could produce or label as proof that I had  kept myself profitably busy.    My self-esteem quickly liquidated and slid away.  I truly felt unworthy having nothing physical to show for my time well spent.

When I returned home, I settled into the front porch swing.  I pulled out my journal and not only read but listened with my heart to my words.  I felt myself filling back up with peace and calm.  I was expanding in ways that could not be expressed in dollars and cents nor degrees and certificates.  I was mentally following a spiritual path, leading me to self-discovery and to my authentic self.

From that point forward, whenever someone asked me what I had been doing, I simply told them, "I am under construction!"  I wouldn't necessarily bother to try to explain, as I felt confident with my reply.  I was proud of my new additions and deep inside knew rejuvenating my inner dwelling was going to take quite some time.

In Spite of Limitations

        

        

The purpose of life is for the individual

to become greater than

the definitions he has inherited.

James Baldwin

When one of my sons was around four years old, I asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up.  His face exploded with excitement and without any hesitation blurted out, "A fire truck!" My first thought was to correct him and say, "Oh, you mean a fire man," but I could tell he very well meant truck.  I begged him to expand and he reflected both amazement and longing to be such a shining red flash of fast.  He mentioned the really huge ladders, long hoses, the screaming siren and flashing lights.   Friends got to climb on in their suits  and even sometimes there was a spotted dog when in a parade.  Indeed, he wanted to be a fire truck.

Over the years whether during parenting or professionally in social services, I have had the opportunity to be confided in with the segue, "You know what I would really like to do?"  My experience with my youngest son had taught me to be an enthusiastic listener and not to blow holes in someone else's dreams. 

There are doctors, lawyers, teachers or other professionals who share  being in their particular profession was their father's dream.  Many talented musicians and artists have been discouraged from their original gifts by well meaning family or elders.  As a small child, if our dreams and desires are squelched we will easily acquiesce as adults as well.  For those who were more rebellious, they may have been used to ignoring the input of others and persevered in spite of lacking support. 

We of course would not bolster a person's desires if they were unhealthy for themselves or harmful to others,, but young children rarely need condescending remarks about their dreams. Their aspirations change along with their development.  If they are constantly critiqued, confidence will never grow.  They will hesitate before sharing out loud, then they will deliberately  repress, and in many cases this results in rage and anger.

There was a young girl who loved to color and had a huge box of crayons.  She equally liked to draw and had a giant box of colored pencils.  Her parents admired her imagination, but knew one day she would be a teacher.  The young girl's aspirations to use her talents outside of a classroom continued throughout her childhood.  Around the age of 12, the young girl was struck with polio leaving her paralyzed on one side.  The parents were extremely discouraged about her future.  The girl regained her confidence and continued her attraction to sketching and colors.  In spite of her parents concern, she entered college as an art major specializing in design.  The last I heard, she was a successful clothing designer in a major city. 

As mentors, parents, or role models, we would do the next generation a greater service if we displayed the courage to step through our fears.  If we can teach others to accent their strengths, and to follow their desires in spite of limitations from false illusions, we will have a better world community.

The View



When we are caught in the trance of unworthiness, we do not clearly recognize what is happening inside us, nor do we feel kind. Our view of who we are is contorted and narrowed and our heart feels hardened against life.

Tara Brach

Radical Acceptance


Just a few days ago, I was into the holiday spirit and excited about how good life can be.  Yesterday, I noticed a loose string of emotions and I began to pull on it.  I was worried about my friend and her MRI, concerned about a surgery my grandson will face,  and how difficult the holidays will be for my friends who have faced the death of their loved ones.  Today, the string has not only become loose, it is well on its way to unraveling my neatly woven security.

My perception of life has altered considerably as it is based on what is happening inside of me.  My healthy attitude towards my self has slipped and instead of seeing technicolor, my world has turned to gray.  In place of feeling like a force of nature, fear has left me feeling like a puddle from the rain.

Whenever fear muddles my thoughts, leaving me fragmented and afraid, my perception of my life, my surroundings, and my friends and family shifts.  In defense, I throw up emotional blocks, rigid boundaries, and withdraw.  Isolation allows me to feel safe.

The problem with isolation, however, is that it creates such darkness I cannot see the beauty in anything, and I cannot receive the support I need.  This distorted view is created by my own thoughts of unworthiness, not by reality.

Looking back over the last few days, I realize I have not eaten correctly,  have not had enough sleep, and have not made the time for writing and reading affirmations.  I let my self down by ignoring my own support system.

The best way for me to pull my self out of the role of 'victim' is to look at my options.  What steps can I take to stitch my life back together?  Then I must follow through with action, one step at a time until my view has been stretched back unto the brilliant canvas of  life.