In Spite of Limitations

        

        

The purpose of life is for the individual

to become greater than

the definitions he has inherited.

James Baldwin

When one of my sons was around four years old, I asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up.  His face exploded with excitement and without any hesitation blurted out, "A fire truck!" My first thought was to correct him and say, "Oh, you mean a fire man," but I could tell he very well meant truck.  I begged him to expand and he reflected both amazement and longing to be such a shining red flash of fast.  He mentioned the really huge ladders, long hoses, the screaming siren and flashing lights.   Friends got to climb on in their suits  and even sometimes there was a spotted dog when in a parade.  Indeed, he wanted to be a fire truck.

Over the years whether during parenting or professionally in social services, I have had the opportunity to be confided in with the segue, "You know what I would really like to do?"  My experience with my youngest son had taught me to be an enthusiastic listener and not to blow holes in someone else's dreams. 

There are doctors, lawyers, teachers or other professionals who share  being in their particular profession was their father's dream.  Many talented musicians and artists have been discouraged from their original gifts by well meaning family or elders.  As a small child, if our dreams and desires are squelched we will easily acquiesce as adults as well.  For those who were more rebellious, they may have been used to ignoring the input of others and persevered in spite of lacking support. 

We of course would not bolster a person's desires if they were unhealthy for themselves or harmful to others,, but young children rarely need condescending remarks about their dreams. Their aspirations change along with their development.  If they are constantly critiqued, confidence will never grow.  They will hesitate before sharing out loud, then they will deliberately  repress, and in many cases this results in rage and anger.

There was a young girl who loved to color and had a huge box of crayons.  She equally liked to draw and had a giant box of colored pencils.  Her parents admired her imagination, but knew one day she would be a teacher.  The young girl's aspirations to use her talents outside of a classroom continued throughout her childhood.  Around the age of 12, the young girl was struck with polio leaving her paralyzed on one side.  The parents were extremely discouraged about her future.  The girl regained her confidence and continued her attraction to sketching and colors.  In spite of her parents concern, she entered college as an art major specializing in design.  The last I heard, she was a successful clothing designer in a major city. 

As mentors, parents, or role models, we would do the next generation a greater service if we displayed the courage to step through our fears.  If we can teach others to accent their strengths, and to follow their desires in spite of limitations from false illusions, we will have a better world community.