Best Friend

“I want to love you without clutching,

appreciate you without judging,

join you without invading,

 invite you without demanding,

leave you without guilt,

criticize you without blaming,

and help you without insulting.

If I can have the same from you,

then we can truly meet and enrich each other.”

Virginia Satir 

Relationships are sometimes considered to be the most challenging lessons in life, and also the most rewarding.  We learn through our relationships and all such unions require attention, respect, and honesty.  For whatever reason, we expect partnerships to be easy.  So easy we are tempted to veer from appreciation and gratitude for the gift it brings.

While attending a workshop, the audience was asked to list all of the good qualities a friend needed to have in order to be a favorite.  I remember having no trouble whatsoever with this list.  Qualities and characteristics flew out of my brain and straight out of my pen.  The list grew longer and longer as I wrote just as fast I could.  "Time is up," the instructor announced.  I gazed through my mighty list, proud of my expectations.

The instructor then asked us to neatly fold the paper, and so we did.  Then she told us to hand deliver this masterpiece to our very selves, taking note of our reaction.  I unfolded my paper and immediately thought, "No way," as I pondered the lengthy list.  I was overwhelmed by my righteous expectations.  I then began to consider what I would be willing to give in return.  This too surprised me as my reaction was quite miserly. 

Our matches may have been made in heaven, but I wonder if we were programed with additional resilience, determination, and endless patience.  I would guess not.  No matter how good a relationship may be, there is always room for improvement.  The bottom line, I believe,  is the ability and the degree to which a person can trust. 

Loving a person isn't enough unless we are able to do all of what Virginia Satir suggests.  We will easily become undermined if we love, but do not experience a balance of give and take.  Once resentment grows and we do not use our voice, our feelings are repressed coiling into anger.  If we do not face our anxiety our dreams can turn into nightmares.  Unfortunately, what we repress is not forgotten by the body.  The emotions we hold inside begin to cause our body to be 'dis-eased'.  When we are struggling both mentally and physically, our spirit easily becomes broken.

The most important relationship is the one we have with our very own selves.  So when we read once again the above writing of Virginia Satir and apply it to the relationship we have with our self, how do we fare?  Do we honor our selves as respectfully as we honor others?  Will our personal actions enhance us or harm us?  We must be our own best friend.