Making Connections

"For most women, the language of conversation is primarily a language of rapport:  a way of establishing connections and negotiating relationships.

Deborah Tannen


The most important conversation we will ever need to have is with our selves.  If it is honest communication, we will make the important connections in our lives avoiding limitations, barriers, and diversions.  This conversation can be made through contemplation, meditation, and most importantly through the writing of our own hand.

There is something to be said for putting pencil to paper, ignoring grammar, and just allowing words to flow.  We can be amazed at the information we receive that would be otherwise hidden or buried beneath years of experiences. 

In Julia Cameron's book, THE RIGHT TO WRITE she discusses working with a man for four years.  She found him to be distant and unapproachable.  She felt it must have been his up bringing and left it at that.  Then one day in particular, she was tired  of the lack of connection between them as it stunted her creative expression.  She went home and immediately started dumping out all of her feelings onto paper.  As she expressed her feelings, she was surprised when she wrote down this man reminded her of her snow white Arabian horse.  As she drew comparisons between the attitude of the horse and the attitude of her co-worker, she realized they both played a game of control.  "The inevitable dynamic here," Julia wrote, "is about power ~~~
power manifested and maintained through withholding."  She realized that she would never be creative in an atmosphere of hide and seek with power, so she quit her job.

The important thing here is through writing, Julia Cameron was able to make a connection she might not have made otherwise.  It is through our written word we become intimately connected with our hurt feelings, wounds, and pain.  We find the triggers that set us off and make the connection of why it happens.  We find our selves connecting our present with buried incidents in our past.  Understanding our selves does not always mean taking action such as resigning from a position.  It does allow a direct connection to what is happening between our body, mind, and spirit.  Writing allows us to keep our experiences private, to recall unhappy occasions without having to experience personal shame in front of others, and to be able to control just how long we want to spend on the subject.  When we feel we have reached an understanding, we can tear the paper up or burn it, never to be shared if so chosen.

There are some of us who do not have confidants or people we feel safe exploring our personal lives.  Sometimes we just need to hear our selves think without causing consequences.  Writing is a perfect tool to connect self with self.  We can sincerely listen to what we say and then read what is written.  There are times when what we have written does not match what we were thinking.  In exploring our inner thoughts through the safe practice of writing, we can feel our selves shifting.  Either we are moving closer to a decision or we are understanding the underlying problem. 

Here is a challenge for making connections.  Just for this week, keep a journal randomly writing down whatever comes to mind.  Be consistent and honest.  At the end of the week, find a quiet space and read each page of the  journal from beginning to end.  Notice what we have left out or what we included not knowing it had been bothering us.  As we read through the pages, we can discover a theme displayed in different scenarios.  There is so much to learn from our very selves if we just by making connections!

  

The Finish Line

"No one has a problem with the first mile of the journey.

Even an infant could do fine for a while.

But it isn't the start that matters.

It's the finish line."

Julien Smith

THE FLINCH

 

 

If I need to be inspired, reading Julia Cameron's book THE RIGHT TO WRITE rekindles all of the excitement I experience when I choose to write.  This was not so true when I was younger.  I would choose to write from my dark side and my words were angry, harsh and abrasive.  There was also  a time I wished I could write while I was happy.  I did not notice being happy was a choice.  It was something I waited for ... and waited for.  Now, when I am feeling unsettled, I can write and feel balance creeping back in carrying calm and connection.

Julia Cameron comments that writers say, "I just string words together."  She believes that writers choose words like jewelers choose beads.  Words are fingered like beads, selecting and joining them until we feel as though something has been completed.  We pay attention to cadence and harmony, arranging and then re-arranging as something different catches one or more of our five senses.

Very seldom will I leave a writing incomplete.  If I do not finish in one attempt, rarely do I continue when I come back to it.  Some how I have lost the flow, the intention, or where I was headed.  I find this to be true in my life as well.

Gary Zukov in his latest book, SPIRITUAL PARTNERSHIP, discusses how we express ourselves in various roles we play in life.  He suggests we may be playing dual roles simultaneously and they may switch completely from time to time or within minutes.  He cautions that the danger is becoming all too familiar with a role and forgetting who we truly are as the role becomes our singular identity.  Living authentically calls for us to navigate in and out of roles learning our lessons as we go. 

So as I move from child to mother, mother to grandmother, I am adapting and learning through each role.   As a Universal Human, my primary role is life itself with all else becoming sub roles.  Perhaps this is the so called shift so many are experiencing currently.  As we learn to move in and out of roles, discovering our authentic self, there might be some discomfort in not actively playing a role.  When we are simply 'being' and experiencing just life itself without acting, we may find the sensation to be calming, but strange.  This is where the culture of productivity comes in.  When we are simply being in the moment, we may feel uncomfortable not being able to account for our time.  It may even seem selfish to just be when so much waits for us in the side wings.

The key is to keep moving forward without attachments.  Finish what we can doing the best we can, but having the ability to start anew when we are directed into a different means of experiencing life.  If we happen to become stuck along the way, we are distracted from finding the end wherever it may be waiting.  No matter what it is or when it is, the finish line is wherever Divine Spirit hopefully says, "Job well done."

Under Construction

Today, I salute myself as a work in progress,

recognizing both the long road traveled

and the road still ahead.

Julia Cameron

TRANSITIONS 

Life can be so conflicted, moving in and out of positive and negative cycles.  One day we may feel indestructible and all knowing.   Within days or even over night we may feel as though we have been depleted with nothing to offer anyone.   On one occasion we may feel beautiful and radiant followed by several occasions where we feel fat and ugly.  The under current of life can churn our emotions into thick and heavy thoughts distorting our view or it can float us merrily down a stream.  Our life suits, indeed, must be designed accordingly. 

Planning ahead does not support us in life as much as our ability to be in the moment, to be present to others, and to be able to go where we are called.  We can have the best intentions, but life often times pulls us into opposite directions, onto other paths, and into unexpected arenas.  If we can truly accept our gifts and talents and remain in physical and spiritual alignment, we can gracefully face any day or any situation. 

There was a summer I went on a sabbatical.  I sat on my front porch reading, napping, and writing.  One night I sat in the porch swing and watched the full moon travel across the star filled sky.  Yes, it took hours.  I felt a total sense of completion and contentment. 

The next day I had lunch with friends.  They intentionally questioned me about what I was doing and what I had accomplished.  As they drilled me with questions, I anxiously realized I could not account for my time.  There was nothing I could produce or label as proof that I had  kept myself profitably busy.    My self-esteem quickly liquidated and slid away.  I truly felt unworthy having nothing physical to show for my time well spent.

When I returned home, I settled into the front porch swing.  I pulled out my journal and not only read but listened with my heart to my words.  I felt myself filling back up with peace and calm.  I was expanding in ways that could not be expressed in dollars and cents nor degrees and certificates.  I was mentally following a spiritual path, leading me to self-discovery and to my authentic self.

From that point forward, whenever someone asked me what I had been doing, I simply told them, "I am under construction!"  I wouldn't necessarily bother to try to explain, as I felt confident with my reply.  I was proud of my new additions and deep inside knew rejuvenating my inner dwelling was going to take quite some time.

Fruitless Race

Today, I resolve not to change myself,

but to accept myself.

Today, I seek not to repress my nature,

but express it.

Julia Cameron

TRANSITIONS



We spend years trying to be like others, wearing the right clothes, landing the right job or joining the right organization.  All of this energy could be better invested in discovering our own authenticity.   Our fingerprints are unique just as our personality traits are  individually blended.  We are original and we must strive to fully become who we were meant to be.

Some where along the growth and development process, we finally give up the fruitless race of trying to be some one else.  We begin to focus on our own strengths and explore how they can be used to serve others in making the world a better place.

Even when we become successful in our own endeavors, we still do not  necessarily celebrate our unique abilities.  At the grocery store the other day, a woman caught her cart in a large produce wagon.  I noticed her struggling, so I walked over and said, "Here, let me help."  She immediately began apologizing for being so stupid, for not being more careful ... the tirade went on.   When the cart was finally dislodged, she gave me a huge smile and exclaimed, "You are the kindest person."  I immediately replied, "Not any kinder than you." She then immediately fell back into her tirade of berating herself.  Such a pity she was so uncomfortable with any compliment or any positive reflection of her very  lovely self.  I spoke with her a few more minutes.  I watched her almost cower as she talked and appeared to almost cringe with any kind word.  She avoided eye contact and seemed extremely awkward.  I could not help but wonder what part of life had beaten her so down. 

Some of us do not need enemies as we mentally badger our selves in spite of our goodness.  We minimize our accomplishments and become excruciatingly harsh if we miss just a step or two.  Our ego can be mean and cruel inside of our heads, leaving us devastated and depleted. 

When we become aware of the critic demeaning us, we need to turn the 'voice' off.  It is vitally important for us to be gentle and respectful with our selves.  If we do not treat our selves well, then why should any one else?  We must set an example of honoring our skills and respecting our unique place in this very large world.  There is a place of honor for everyone; really, there is plenty of room. 

 

The Setting Sun

Today, I choose to cherish myself like a beloved child.  I treat myself gently with compassion.  Practicing alert attention, I find delight in the treasures of the day.  I allow meaningful moments to assume enhanced perspective.  Counting these blessings, I enrich my impoverished heart.    Julia Cameron

These days have been difficult for me.  My body, mind and spirit seem to be laced with apathy.  I can barely find myself in my own thoughts.  It is easy to be in the present moment when there is nothing there. 

My dedication and discipline to my writing has been absent, hopefully for just a short holiday.  Whatever I choose to read, I have read before.  I have no desire to see anyone nor do I wish to go anywhere.  I feel suspended between what was, what is, and what will yet to be.

The crystal blue beauty in the eyes of my younger friend should have inspired me.  Pulled into her heart,  I allowed my light to shine upon her gifts, strengths, and challenges.  Such a beautiful soul she is and yet I was not ignited into realms of reflection.

Listening to another friend's heart breaking, I wanted to be present to instill hope with the promise of good things yet to come.  Her spirit needs to be replenished or she will not help anyone at all.  So much giving on her part, asking for nothing in return.   Miraculously angel feathers float into her view! 

Although I do not yet understand this loftiness I am in, I am at peace.  I feel calm.  There is no anxiety, pain, sorrow or loss.   I patiently wait for the setting sun, signaling another day soon to be done.

The House All Humans Live In

A friend

may well be reckoned

the masterpiece of Nature.

Ralph Waldo Emerson



Thinking of our world as the house all humans live in, we are called to extend our kindness, respect, and honor into a larger arena.  As we broaden our definition of friend, we begin to treat all people in a friendlier manner.   As strangers become friendly, our concept of the world shifts from a largely foreign place to a community of friends.  When we begin to experience our life as being in a friendly environment, our environment begins to change.  Perception once changed can color our surroundings from black and white to vibrant colors with complimentary hues.

When we enhance the  attitude we offer  to our world, we begin to receive an improved response.  The improved response lifts our spirits and encourages to pass forward more happiness and joy.  We are more apt to extend a hand of kindness to neighbors, old friends, and to appreciate the beauty in nature more and more.  We will have a stronger sense of being connected rather than experiencing loneliness in an isolated world.

***This post was inspired by a writing in TRANSITIONS.  Julia Cameron is a well known writer and author of numerous best selling books.  She has written poetry and essays; has credits in television, films, and theater; and is an award winning journalist.  In her book entitled, TRANSITIONS, Prayers and Declarations for a Changing Life, Julia Cameron offers ways to face challenges while developing creativity.