"For most women, the language of conversation is primarily a language of rapport: a way of establishing connections and negotiating relationships.
Deborah Tannen
The most important conversation we will ever need to have is with our selves. If it is honest communication, we will make the important connections in our lives avoiding limitations, barriers, and diversions. This conversation can be made through contemplation, meditation, and most importantly through the writing of our own hand.
There is something to be said for putting pencil to paper, ignoring grammar, and just allowing words to flow. We can be amazed at the information we receive that would be otherwise hidden or buried beneath years of experiences.
In Julia Cameron's book, THE RIGHT TO WRITE she discusses working with a man for four years. She found him to be distant and unapproachable. She felt it must have been his up bringing and left it at that. Then one day in particular, she was tired of the lack of connection between them as it stunted her creative expression. She went home and immediately started dumping out all of her feelings onto paper. As she expressed her feelings, she was surprised when she wrote down this man reminded her of her snow white Arabian horse. As she drew comparisons between the attitude of the horse and the attitude of her co-worker, she realized they both played a game of control. "The inevitable dynamic here," Julia wrote, "is about power ~~~
power manifested and maintained through withholding." She realized that she would never be creative in an atmosphere of hide and seek with power, so she quit her job.
The important thing here is through writing, Julia Cameron was able to make a connection she might not have made otherwise. It is through our written word we become intimately connected with our hurt feelings, wounds, and pain. We find the triggers that set us off and make the connection of why it happens. We find our selves connecting our present with buried incidents in our past. Understanding our selves does not always mean taking action such as resigning from a position. It does allow a direct connection to what is happening between our body, mind, and spirit. Writing allows us to keep our experiences private, to recall unhappy occasions without having to experience personal shame in front of others, and to be able to control just how long we want to spend on the subject. When we feel we have reached an understanding, we can tear the paper up or burn it, never to be shared if so chosen.
There are some of us who do not have confidants or people we feel safe exploring our personal lives. Sometimes we just need to hear our selves think without causing consequences. Writing is a perfect tool to connect self with self. We can sincerely listen to what we say and then read what is written. There are times when what we have written does not match what we were thinking. In exploring our inner thoughts through the safe practice of writing, we can feel our selves shifting. Either we are moving closer to a decision or we are understanding the underlying problem.
Here is a challenge for making connections. Just for this week, keep a journal randomly writing down whatever comes to mind. Be consistent and honest. At the end of the week, find a quiet space and read each page of the journal from beginning to end. Notice what we have left out or what we included not knowing it had been bothering us. As we read through the pages, we can discover a theme displayed in different scenarios. There is so much to learn from our very selves if we just by making connections!
