Under Construction

Today, I salute myself as a work in progress,

recognizing both the long road traveled

and the road still ahead.

Julia Cameron

TRANSITIONS 

Life can be so conflicted, moving in and out of positive and negative cycles.  One day we may feel indestructible and all knowing.   Within days or even over night we may feel as though we have been depleted with nothing to offer anyone.   On one occasion we may feel beautiful and radiant followed by several occasions where we feel fat and ugly.  The under current of life can churn our emotions into thick and heavy thoughts distorting our view or it can float us merrily down a stream.  Our life suits, indeed, must be designed accordingly. 

Planning ahead does not support us in life as much as our ability to be in the moment, to be present to others, and to be able to go where we are called.  We can have the best intentions, but life often times pulls us into opposite directions, onto other paths, and into unexpected arenas.  If we can truly accept our gifts and talents and remain in physical and spiritual alignment, we can gracefully face any day or any situation. 

There was a summer I went on a sabbatical.  I sat on my front porch reading, napping, and writing.  One night I sat in the porch swing and watched the full moon travel across the star filled sky.  Yes, it took hours.  I felt a total sense of completion and contentment. 

The next day I had lunch with friends.  They intentionally questioned me about what I was doing and what I had accomplished.  As they drilled me with questions, I anxiously realized I could not account for my time.  There was nothing I could produce or label as proof that I had  kept myself profitably busy.    My self-esteem quickly liquidated and slid away.  I truly felt unworthy having nothing physical to show for my time well spent.

When I returned home, I settled into the front porch swing.  I pulled out my journal and not only read but listened with my heart to my words.  I felt myself filling back up with peace and calm.  I was expanding in ways that could not be expressed in dollars and cents nor degrees and certificates.  I was mentally following a spiritual path, leading me to self-discovery and to my authentic self.

From that point forward, whenever someone asked me what I had been doing, I simply told them, "I am under construction!"  I wouldn't necessarily bother to try to explain, as I felt confident with my reply.  I was proud of my new additions and deep inside knew rejuvenating my inner dwelling was going to take quite some time.

Subtle Change

“It takes courage...to endure the sharp pains of self discovery rather than choose to take the dull pain of unconsciousness that would last the rest of our lives.”

Marianne Williamson, Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of "A Course in Miracles"



In the month of December of 2012 I prepared for the ending of another year.  Parts of my self began to shift and  although observant, I was not feeling as though I knew where this slide was taking me.  The swift journey down the slope dumped me into January of 2013 with subtle changes short of my grasp. 

I had been sick for two weeks, cleansing body, mind and soul, leaving me exhausted and apprehensive of what was waiting in store.  As my mind had been de-cluttered, I was aware of open space waiting for a new level of understanding or reviews of past challenges.  Nothing appeared.  It felt as though I were wearing a cap of nothingness upon my head with no purpose at all.

I am a person who collects and gathers.  I don't get everything in one lump sum, I add a little bit at a time.  Even so, the emptiness in my mind unnerves me.    It is as though I have become barren without sadness, choice or comprehension.  What is this to mean?

Growing more and more private, I pry my heart open ready to receive what is yet to come.  I remain still, anticipating subtle changes.  Love, energy, and light continue to be my domain even though nothing else seems to remain the same.

Mastering the Challenge

May the dreams of your past

be the reality of your future.

Anonymous



In order to create a new outcome, we need to be open to new ways of doing things.   When we are dissatisfied, we need to explore our past and discover where we wandered off our path and how we lost our way.

Change is the catalyst to enable us to achieve our goals.   I believe it was Albert Einstein who said, "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results." 

So we examine our own behaviors to learn where improvement is needed.  I have personally found when giving up the focus on what other people have done incorrectly, I seem to have plenty of time to look at my own indiscretions.

Sometimes the closer we are to a situation, the more difficult it is to be objective and understand the complexities.  We may seek the help of friends, but gaining an audience with a seasoned therapist who really 'gets you' can be most rewarding.

When we love our selves enough to feel safe with embracing personal weaknesses as well as strengths, we can move forward in rekindling hopes and dreams.  When we can release anxiety over what other people may think, and trust the voice of spirit we can gracefully be resilient again.

When we experience any kind of change, minor or major, the importance is in the discovery of the lesson.  It is necessary to ask, "What am I to learn from this?"  Through mastering the challenge, our lives become more authentic and enhanced.

Dreams don't always come true, but if we are faithful servants to the lives we live through honesty, integrity, and kindness, we will find our selves in the midst of joy and happiness.  If we do not find our selves in the midst of a dream, then it is time for change. 

Through self-discovery, I have found my self able and willing to forgive and heal.  By believing in the power of individual change, I am prepared to once again have faith and trust.  The human spirit can experience great things once it is open to the incredible journey of life.  So I return to my dreams in hopes of creating an inspiring future.