When we are caught in the trance of unworthiness, we do not clearly recognize what is happening inside us, nor do we feel kind. Our view of who we are is contorted and narrowed and our heart feels hardened against life.
Tara Brach
Radical Acceptance
Just a few days ago, I was into the holiday spirit and excited about how good life can be. Yesterday, I noticed a loose string of emotions and I began to pull on it. I was worried about my friend and her MRI, concerned about a surgery my grandson will face, and how difficult the holidays will be for my friends who have faced the death of their loved ones. Today, the string has not only become loose, it is well on its way to unraveling my neatly woven security.
My perception of life has altered considerably as it is based on what is happening inside of me. My healthy attitude towards my self has slipped and instead of seeing technicolor, my world has turned to gray. In place of feeling like a force of nature, fear has left me feeling like a puddle from the rain.
Whenever fear muddles my thoughts, leaving me fragmented and afraid, my perception of my life, my surroundings, and my friends and family shifts. In defense, I throw up emotional blocks, rigid boundaries, and withdraw. Isolation allows me to feel safe.
The problem with isolation, however, is that it creates such darkness I cannot see the beauty in anything, and I cannot receive the support I need. This distorted view is created by my own thoughts of unworthiness, not by reality.
Looking back over the last few days, I realize I have not eaten correctly, have not had enough sleep, and have not made the time for writing and reading affirmations. I let my self down by ignoring my own support system.
The best way for me to pull my self out of the role of 'victim' is to look at my options. What steps can I take to stitch my life back together? Then I must follow through with action, one step at a time until my view has been stretched back unto the brilliant canvas of life.
Just a few days ago, I was into the holiday spirit and excited about how good life can be. Yesterday, I noticed a loose string of emotions and I began to pull on it. I was worried about my friend and her MRI, concerned about a surgery my grandson will face, and how difficult the holidays will be for my friends who have faced the death of their loved ones. Today, the string has not only become loose, it is well on its way to unraveling my neatly woven security.
My perception of life has altered considerably as it is based on what is happening inside of me. My healthy attitude towards my self has slipped and instead of seeing technicolor, my world has turned to gray. In place of feeling like a force of nature, fear has left me feeling like a puddle from the rain.
Whenever fear muddles my thoughts, leaving me fragmented and afraid, my perception of my life, my surroundings, and my friends and family shifts. In defense, I throw up emotional blocks, rigid boundaries, and withdraw. Isolation allows me to feel safe.
The problem with isolation, however, is that it creates such darkness I cannot see the beauty in anything, and I cannot receive the support I need. This distorted view is created by my own thoughts of unworthiness, not by reality.
Looking back over the last few days, I realize I have not eaten correctly, have not had enough sleep, and have not made the time for writing and reading affirmations. I let my self down by ignoring my own support system.
The best way for me to pull my self out of the role of 'victim' is to look at my options. What steps can I take to stitch my life back together? Then I must follow through with action, one step at a time until my view has been stretched back unto the brilliant canvas of life.
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