The Pictures We Paint

Because one believes in oneself, one doesn't try to convince others.  Because one is content with oneself, one doesn't need others' approval.  Because one accepts oneself, the whole world accepts him or her.   ~  Lao Tzu

Isn't it amazing how we can experience the exact same situation twice, responding in two totally different ways depending upon our mood?  A person can tease us about something, and if we are in a really good mood, we can laugh and shrug it off.  On the other hand, if we are not in a good mood, the teasing can hurt our feelings and leave us brooding ... for hours ... for days ... any maybe even longer.

The other day I came across an old picture of myself.  I instantly remembered this place in time, and the exact same feelings I had felt in that moment spread through my present day body.  I felt fat, ugly, and alone facing a professional dinner where I would know no one.  I knew I would be miserable and dreaded going. 

Holding the picture in my hand, I recalled that the evening introduced me to several new friends as well as professional connections.  Looking into the picture I saw a woman dressed very professionally in a business suit, freshly applied makeup, thick shoulder length glossy hair and a terrific smile.  In short, I would have given anything to look this good again!  I had no idea my waist had been so small! 

So why had I painted this terrible picture of myself those twenty years ago?  Then the dawning ... this picture was taken not long after my divorce.  My self-esteem was shot, I was returning to a career that had been dormant for far too many years, and I was a single mom of four.   I was embarrassed about being divorced and was struggling with shame and guilt for what I termed a "failed" marriage.  

My personal assessment did not paint a very good picture.  Sadly, I was focusing on all of the negative things and my internal critic was running wild.  I had been very frightened of all of the responsibilities facing me.

Looking back at this photo, I saw an entirely different image.  I saw a successful business woman, a dedicated mother, loyal friend, and intensely creative human being.  I did not see these things at the time as I looked through the lens of fear. 

We need to paint better pictures of ourselves.  Throw on the paint using brilliant colors and use a small brush to better define details.  Instead of focusing on shadows, highlight all of the good qualities.  We need to see ourselves in a larger picture with all of our strengths and desires aligned.