Awkward Behind the Mask

"Awkward interests me, he said.  At least when 

you are feeling awkward you are always thinking. "

Elizabeth Brundage 

Originally, I believed hiding the lower part of my face behind a mask would be a good thing!  This, however, is not the case for me.  I miss smiling at others or briefly exchanging a few words.  Masks also make me aware of how much I depend upon lip reading as my hearing begins to fade.

Sheltered in place, there are few places I go, but my mask is securely in place.  Whenever it begins to annoy me, I think of hospital workers, office staff, firemen or police who must bare the annoyance of his or her  mouth being covered for long stretches of time. I dare not complain about my minor inconvenience.

I have grown to see being awkward as a healthy tool to keep me awake and aware of who I am and how I want to be.  If I were too comfortable, perhaps I would become unaccountable or inattentive.  If I were to become complacent, words of wisdom and gestures of kindness might slip from view.  Perceptions might cloud over.  I'd rather deal with this sense of feeling awkward than lose the scenes  in life that lovingly connect me to others.