Closure Precedes Spring

“Life moves on and so should we”

---Spencer Johnson

WHO MOVED MY CHEESE

I chose a book from my shelf to share some time with my favorite author.  When I opened the book, an envelope fell out.  I recognized it immediately from years ago.  While attending a spring ritual for a group of women, we all wrote down 'seeds' we wanted to plant in spring, hoping to see them blossom in the summer and reap rewards in the fall.  We took the small slips of paper with our intentions written down and safely sealed them in envelopes.  Our outcomes would be shared during the forthcoming winter ritual.  Apparently, we never remained focused nor experienced closure.

Gently I opened the yellowed envelope, wondering what 'seeds' I would find.  The slips of paper were still folded and dropped into my lap.  One by one I read them all.  With pleasure, I made a small pile of 'seeds' I definitely had sowed and harvested much to my pleasure.  There was one strip of paper that didn't resonate with me at all.  I could not imagine what my abbreviated words were supposed to mean.  The last piece of paper I lingered over the longest.  It was an intention I definitely did not complete, even though I know I remember working very hard at it.  It was personal in nature and held great meaning for me at that time, but now  a few years had passed and I realized it was not realistic for me at all.

The successful goals were completed as they had something specifically to do with me.  They were successful due to my creative drive and spirit.  The goal left incomplete even though effort was made, was dependent upon another person's actions.  Clearly, we are more successful when we are focused on changing our selves and not dependent upon changing another.

I then realized all of my excitement about spring coming had over shadowed closure needed for those made last spring.  We must finish before we renew.  We must let go before we begin.  We must let die so we can be reborn.  We must clean up the left over clutter before it becomes a weight in our unconscious minds.

I sat in my chair being very mindful of what  'seeds' I needed to remove from my garden.  I needed to not only weed out the weeds, but to remove aspirations that would never grow.  Sad as that seems, we must face that some things just aren't meant to be.  We must place our love and energy into what we know we can grow.  Closure  precedes spring.

down the rabbit hole...

 Not all those who wander are lost.

J.R.R. Tolkien

The Fellowship of the Ring

           

We should not  be surprised when Divine Spirit alters our immaculately prepared human agenda.  We have already felt the winds shift and the ground slant, but heedlessly we shuffle our feet in one direction and then the next, grasping for a deeper understanding of all that is.

For five days now, I have been thrashing in bed.  The diagnosis of a sinus infection is better than pneumonia, but either way, it has robbed me of my holidays.   I cannot eat as everything tastes decidedly disgusting. I cannot sleep as this racking cough rattles me to my core.  The fever spikes igniting colorful flames raging in my head leaving me disheveled and sweaty in my bed.  Then my skin turns to ice as my weary bones vibrate to the cadence of a violent rap.

Day blends into night and night into day.  I wait for the darkness to fade and cling to each  present moment.  I confuse my schedule for my meds and stumble from bath to bed.  I am in such a weakened state, my feet slip and I feel myself sliding down the rabbit hole.

I become a traveler to random times and places.   I gently slide into a variety of existences as though I have been present for years.  I understand the diversity between these cultures, and most importantly experience the deep kindness in the hearts of all people.  In and out I go as easily as changing channels on the television.   Although I experience both male and female genders and different ages, it is the heart of me remaining the same. 

When I grow stronger, I will joyfully write more of these experiences.  I realize  all of this has happened for great reason.  I have discovered  how to link my perceptions, insights, experiences and wisdom, closing the gaps in my faith, and completing what I have longed to understand.  I may have lost half of the holidays, but I have gained validation of eternity.