Chaos Giving Way to Birth

 

 

"You must have chaos within you

to give birth to a dancing star."

 

Friedrich Nietzsche

 

 

 

As a child, I watched a television program initially entitled, OUR GANG.  Later it was known at THE LITTLE RASCALS.  Although I cannot recall any particular themes from this show, I was impacted, in an odd way, by the character named Farina.  She wore her hair in numerous little braids that stuck out all over her head.  As I am a very visual person, I transformed this unique pattern of Farina's hair into the images of the frequencies in my brain.  Spending much of my life in what I term "confusion" I would frequently say, "My brain is in 'farinas.'"  To this very day, I will use the same verbiage.

 

Friedrich Nietzsche's quote, "You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star," holds great comfort for me.  It seems to validate my lengthy stages of  confusion as having a positive outcome.  My definition of confusion would include:  inconsistency; judgement; weakness; absence rather than presence; shame; and misdirection.  Each one of these words caused my brain to contort into 'farinas'.   Unfortunately, many of these words were often linked together which extended my 'farinas' into great projections.

 

In years of development,  living in my smaller self, withdrawing and minimizing personal power, I was not able to identify with biblical standards, society's goals, parental expectations or even neighborhood playmates.  It never occurred to me that eventually I would be able to gather the shards of the broken mirror and find a healthy reflection. 

 

Perhaps these are just some of the reasons I would find peace lying on my back mentally reaching for the stars.  Stars were so incredibly bright and mesmerizing.  They all twinkled out of sequence which seemed to inspire me.  They were all different sizes and even when it was cloudy, one clearly felt the presence of the stars.

 

To visually embrace the stars calmed my brain allowing thoughts to become untangled.  Star frequencies would regulate into a rhythm that lulled my own frequencies.  The cadence of the shining stars brought me peace and a sense of safety, creating a space to birth my perfect star.