In Search of Friendship

“There is within each one of us a potential for goodness beyond our imagining; for giving which seeks no reward; for listening without judgment; for loving unconditionally.”
Elisabeth Kubler~Ross



While creating friendships, we would be seeking qualities and characteristics reflecting loyalty; ability to embrace diversity while maintaining authenticity;  truthfulness with respect; and an eagerness to encourage  or support.    We would be drawn to a person based on their integrity and not by layers of accumulated masks.  We would hope for a sense of connection  or potential for discovery of a kindred spirit.

What we frequently seek in friendship is what Divine Spirit has always extended or provided to us.  Divine Spirit loves all of us unconditionally without judgment and offering us nothing but goodness.  It is difficult to embrace what we cannot see, but the spiritual rewards are overwhelming. 

When we experience a friendship with deep meaning or personal value, we are experiencing the mutual goodness of each other.  It is not always at the same time as we take turns helping one and other.   The friendship grows and it is as though Divine Spirit works through each of us bringing joy, happiness, and compassion for each other. 

In any friendships balance is necessary for healthy growth.  We yearn for goodness to be extended, to be able to use our voice without feeling judged and to feel unconditionally accepted;  but we must offer these things in return as well. 

There is an old saying  "If you want to have a good friend, you must be a good friend."  Offer to others what we most want for our selves and share authentic gifts.  What strength we have may be an area the other wishes to learn.  Sharing is very important while listening is vital. 

When we open our hearts to each other, Divine Spirit flows through us.  There is great unexpected reward when we exercise our potential for goodness.  Not all friendships are sustained, but it is a blessing to know we have offered our very best. 

It Takes Input

The ocean was the best place, of course. That was what she loved most.

  It was a feeling of freedom like no other, and yet a feeling of communion

with all the other places and creatures the water touched.”    

  

~ Ann Brashares



Every day I hear the ocean and it calms me.  As the waves roll in, I feel as though I am being cleansed, over and over again.  The sun shines brightly upon my face and there is only joy, not sorrow.  As I wander back to our rented Key West home, I soak up the beauty of the beautiful trees and vibrant flowers snapping pictures all of the way. 

Once settled on the covered porch, I can laze on the glider listening to the gurgle of the small pool just a short glance away.  I watch small hawks flying overhead and wait for my favorite butterfly so delicate and graceful and yet so swift. 

For several years now, I have been meeting weekly with a small circle of women for contemplation, wisdom, and insight into various topics.  The sharing and learning between us has created a very strong bond of love.  This is where I feel accepted, not necessarily approved;and honored and respected in spite of frailties and wounds. Even though I carry these "sisters" in my heart, I miss their physical presence.

The same can be said for my writers group.  A few years back, I attended this gathering of diverse women and have returned weekly ever since.  Together we have laughed, cried, and taught each other through our shared writings and stories.  It is with these lovely ladies I have experienced tender hearted criticism, encouragement and validation.  I am keenly aware of my absence from these spirited sisters, and look forward to being with them once I return.

I also have weekly visits with a mentor and a close friend and by being absent, I realize how very much they help me to understand my self.  They say it takes a village to raise a child.  For me, it takes input from trusted and diverse souls to remain grounded and nurtured on my chosen path.  My destination will not be met if I travel completely alone, void of assistance from others.

When we were on the ferry last night, I was watching a buoy in the water bobbing around in the ocean waves.  This is how I feel at times, bobbing around in the deep waters of life.   I am upright and strong until a wave washes me over.  I resist and flounder until I allow my self to be upright again.  When I just trust the flow of the water and go with the ups and downs, life runs more smoothly.

Silent Forces

Knowing how to call upon the powers of heaven will dramatically change your life.  Imagine that you have a whole crew of angels around you to assist you with whatever request you make of them.  The only criterion is that your requests cannot be hurtful to another.  Angels and other beings of light will only assist and orchestrate on our behalf when we are choosing things of the light.

Carol Tuttle
Remembering Wholeness


Many years ago, I was told by someone that angels are always surrounding us, but are helpless until we request their assistance.  We are born with free will and so angels cannot interfere without our permission.  As an energy worker, I feel the same about sending light to others as I do not want to unknowingly alter their lessons or interrupt karma.  So we can be responsible by requesting angels, light, prayer, etc... by stating it is for their highest good.

In my circle of women, we begin each time by calling in the light (angels, God, Spirit Guides, prayer, love) asking that we may receive guidance, wisdom, and insight for better understanding of our challenges, life, and loved ones.  We also request light for our family, loved ones, co-workers, or any others we may encounter. At the end of the circle, we send light (angels, God, Spirit Guides, prayer, love) out into our surroundings, our community, our state, and across the world.  We especially ask for additional light to be sent to those who are in pain, hunger, homeless, or in the midst of war. 

I see this as being no different from prayer requests or prayer chains or vigils held for a variety of reasons.  The importance of it, is that we take the time to use resources available to everyone of us for the sake of those who are carrying a heavy load. It brings us into action to send assistance to those we cannot personally help ... soldiers in war, abandoned children, ... or simply sending blankets of calm of and peace wherever there is discord.

The point is, we are all capable of doing 'something' in whatever manner feels comfortable, and we do not have to be in church or temple, or in a certain posture to request this kind of assistance for others.  We can make it a part of our daily routine.  Maybe while we are brushing our teeth, or waiting for the coffee pot to stop dripping.  We can use the time deliberately while we climb stairs or wait for a bus.  It can be our first action as we awaken or our last before we fall asleep.

Be a member of the silent forces offering assistance, one by one, for the world's needed change.  Do not underestimate personal spiritual power when coupled with the Divine!

A Place of Women

How might your life have been different if there had been a place for you?  A place for you to go, a place of women, to help you learn the ways of woman . . . a place where you were nurtured from an ancient flow sustaining you and steadying you as you sought to become yourself.  A place of women to help you find and trust the ancient flow already there within yourself . . .  waiting to be released . . . 

A place of women . . .

How might your life be different?

Circle of  Stones by Judith Duerk

Quite honestly, I do not wish my life were different, but I do wonder how different it might have been had I had positive, supportive, and caring women in my life.  If there had been a circle of women encouraging me and nurturing me as a child, I wonder if I would have still been as fear based as I am. 

If there had been those who celebrated my differences rather than shaming me, would I even look different?  Would I carry my self differently, physically?  Could my mind be more creative and my spirit more kindly? 

I cannot change my past, but thankfully my awareness grew through the diversity of women who did come into my life in later years.  Exposure to women who were excellent role models by being whatever their true nature called them to be, taught me a sense of value and self-worth. 

After bringing three wonderful boys into this world, I was gifted with a daughter.   With intense gratitude, I have been able to acquaint all four of them  with the strengths, gifts, and talents that all people bring into the world.  My boys learned how to recognize and respect diversity in  women while my daughter learned the importance of her own voice to be used with both male and female.

We are intended to be nurtured by those surrounding us.  It pleases me, therefore, to be aware of the diverse characteristics of women currently being displayed and developed in women across the globe.  We are entitled to be our inner self to the fullest which often times is made easier if we have a place of women.

I Miss You Like Hell ...

Where you used to be,

there is a hole in the world,

which I find myself constantly

walking around in the daytime,

and falling in at night.

I miss you like hell.

Edna St. Vincent Millay



It has been a few days now since death claimed the life of my friend's daughter.  I continue to fumble with appropriate words and refuse to utter time worn phrases that at the moment sound shallow and small.  The truth that I hold is no mother should ever out live her child.  I cannot imagine anything more painful.

The services will only be another comma in a very long drawn out sentence.  The sentence may run on for years until the time comes when  a new sentence can be structured offering a new beginning.  There will be opportunities for healing and forgiveness for this senseless accident, but there will never be a time when the mother stops holding her child in her heart. 

My friend is a very vibrant woman, and very out spoken.  She has magnificent blue eyes begging us not to forget her daughter.  She yearns to hear stories of how people knew her daughter, what their experiences were, and how they will remember her .... forever.

Her circle of friends will remain steadfast by her side.  She will have support from many paths as she plays many roles in the lives of others ... wife, mother, teacher, community participant, student, writer, and dancer.  In time, her best ally will be her very own self.

I will continue to keep this family in a bubble of love, energy and light, hoping they will pull together instead of a part.  I pray this family will move towards the light, healing each other in their own special way, never forgetting daughter, sister, loved one and friend. 

Light Around You

Give light and people will find the way.

Ella Baker

A few days ago, I got stuck in an old emotional pattern.   Just one small negative thought crossed my mind, and instead of letting it slide right on through, it lodged itself in a web hanging in darkness.  The one small thought gathered other negative thoughts into the sticky web, growing in size.  One small thought became a wad of worry, concern, and fear.

I sent a quick e-mail to my women's circle, asking for them to place me in the circle of light at their gathering as I would be absent.  Almost immediately, I received uplifting responses.  The best was: "Just put that light around you now!  We will miss you!"

My friend's kind suggestion to use light, empowered me to take immediate action for myself.  Her simple words lifted my spirits, "We will miss you!"  I felt so much better.

The Circle of Women I meet with weekly always offers light to our loved ones, to those needing support, to those surrounding us in life, to the community, to the state, to the world.  We send light to those who may be homeless, hungry, ill or isolated.  For this brief time in our circle, we feel strongly connected with all people, tied by our compassionate hearts, universal love and oneness.

We truly need to remember to use our voices, to reach out and ask for help.  We must also be mindful that sending light or prayer can be very sporadic and brief, not time consuming.  When we are prompted to check on someone, to call or e-mail, I believe it is DIVINE SPIRIT working through us to assist someone else.  We need to respect these 'nudges' and follow through.

Holding my light, rekindled by the light of others, surely I will find my way!

May Day 2012

May flowers always line your path and sunshine line your day.
May songbirds serenade you every step along the way.
May a rainbow run beside you in a sky that's always blue.
And May happiness fill your heart each day your whole life through.

Irish Blessing



When I was in elementary school, we learned how to make May baskets out of paper.  They were quite small, but a few wild flowers could be tucked inside.  I imagine they were especially sweet for a child to give away, but maybe only a granny or mother would appreciate the childish handiwork upon the first day of May.

The idea of May Day baskets stayed with me.  Not every year, but some years I was able to throw a few flowers together in a small basket and leave it on a special friend's front porch, ringing the doorbell and then running away.

Then I had more time so I could actually arrange some flowers into duplicated baskets and adventure out to all of my friend's homes to leave a May Day surprise.  They were not always artistic, but I believe my friends felt the love behind my gesture.

One day a sister of my heart gave me one Pansy in a tiny little bottle with a leaf for greenery.   In the moment, it meant more to me than a vase filled with roses.  It made such an impression upon me, I began collecting little vases or bottles ... chipped, ugly, china or colored glass ... and planted cutting flowers in the yard.

I am now able to snip a few flowers and choose a random vase to bring with me when invited to a friend's home or get my hair cut or want to leave a surprise.  I no longer wait for May Day nor do I feel limited to just one day.  I do this all year.   It is so much fun! 

Happy May Day

Everyone!

Linger in my Heart

If there comes a day

when we can't be together,

keep me in your heart,

I'll stay there forever.

A. A. Milne

Winnie the Pooh

The most valuable gifts in my life have been friendships.  I have always been a person to be surrounded by people, but few did I ever really let in.  The ones I allowed to enter, still linger in my heart.

For me, friendship is best compared to a large old white house with a front porch and a pretty fenced in yard.  There are passers-by I would be happy to hang over the fence and chat with, but I would not want to open my gate.  There are others who I welcomed into my yard, but very few were invited onto my porch.  To make it to my porch swing where stories were shared was quite an accomplishment.  Then there were the small handful who actually made it in through the front door.  They were my forever friends.

It is interesting to look back over my life and recall the women who significantly impacted me.  None are necessarily alike in appearance or life choices, but they all are heart connected. 

Once firmly on my spiritual path, I began to gather a Circle of Women as I needed heart felt exchange, support, and insight.  Since then I have led several circles and learned deeply from them all. 

Then there were the women who somehow grew to be more than friends.  They became Sisters of my Heart and we shared a bond that went beyond words and time. 

I have always been attracted to a diverse population of women.  I have such a thirst to discover all fabrics, to examine all weaves, and to create a rich and colorful tapestry in my life.  Some strands have snagged, some threads have faded, but all of these loved ones continue to be the pattern warming my soul.

I can only hope that I have meant something to them as well, these Circles of Women and Sisters of my Heart.  I linger in their hearts, still.

  

  

Southern Wise Women

For most of history

'anonymous' was a woman.

Virginia Woolf

Upon moving to Nashville, Tennessee, I attended a spiritual discussion group at Scarett~Barrett in hopes of meeting new friends.  The woman I randomly sat next to just happened to have been born in Peoria, Illinois, within an hours drive from where I used to live.  This synchronicity brought surprise, laughter, and the beginnings of friendship.  When Judy learned of my interest in writing, she graciously invited me to attend a writing group at the senior center, Fifty Forward.

From the very first writing group, I felt warmly welcomed by true "Southern Hospitality."  All of these women were seniors to me and they have grown to be the elders I have never had.  Those in attendance, week after week, seemed to be unaware of the wisdom they held.  They are bearers of history, reflectors of family development, and conquerors of life's many challenges.

Each author takes a turn to read a piece of her memoir, poem, or creative writing.  With each testimony, the stories wrap themselves around my heart.  These women share personal insights into lives that I have previously never experienced.  There is no extended family in my life, and these women unknowingly have become respected and admired grandmothers, aunts, and sisters, blessing my life.

Wanda's fingers are always knitting as she listens at the table.  Her words are so descriptive I feel as though I have sat in her son's home up in the mountains appreciating nature's panoramic view.  Carolyn, with all of her southern sweetness shares her next detailed account of family history with names and dates written in exacting penmanship.  After the reading, she neatly folds the letter into a stamped envelope to be mailed to grandchildren and great grandchildren.  Betty's writings bring back my own memories of childhood times spent in Wisconsin.  We have chatted about places of interest we have both visited.  Janie at times seems to be unconcomfortable to have everyone's attention, but she is a natural storyteller of her younger years.  Sharing her early thyroid treatments, her words remain crystal clear.  Sybil is the eldest of the group, I believe in her mid-nineties.  She has a spry and spunky spirit that has experienced a life of adventure with her own sense of style.  Lou is our leader.  I sense that she has held many responsible positions throughout her life, mastering them all.  She appears somewhat stern upon first meeting her, but I have learned that she has a heart filled with gold.  Sitting next to her every week, I have sensed she would extend a loving hand to help anyone if a need should ever arise.  She may have accomplished more serious writing than all of us put together, but it is not her style to show it.  Alice appears as though she has placed her life in God's hands so she can experience life innocently and simply.  Her faith is portrayed between her written words, giving testimony to the presence of God in the midst of her life.  Although there are other remarkable women in this group, I will lastly mention Ann.  She reads from her memoirs and frequently speaks of her grandsons, Harry and Jack, especially Jack.  It is only with the passing of time that I have recognized my self while looking into the heart of this woman.  There is an uncanny parallel between our lives, and I find her to be a kindred spirit!

At this time and place, my ten months in Nashville, Tennessee, are drawing to a close.  I am eternally grateful for the synchronicity in meeting Judy.  Her kind heartedness introduced me to to people, places, and events, but most importantly her heart and home.  I have started the transition back into a full life waiting for me in Illinois.  I will return to Nashville for ample visits with my daughter and perhaps we shall all gather again.

Thank you, thank you, and thank you.

May Divine Spirit always surround you.

Hidden Silences

One of the tasks of true friendship

is to listen compassionately and 

creatively to the hidden silences. 

Often secrets are not revealed in words, 

they lie concealed in the silence 

between the words 

or in the depth of what is 

unsayable between two people. 

A BOOK OF CELTIC WISDOM 

~John O'Donohue 

Anam Cara 

No matter how diverse a circle of women, an unseen bond secures the circle. Over time, each woman in the group experiences the opportunity to articulate the silence dwelling within her heart. Even when fear holds words captive, the women offer understanding and encouragement embracing any unspoken declaration.

When we are separated from our friends, time passes, and life moves on. Then we find ourselves joyfully visiting one or all of our friends and the conversation seems to pick up right where it left off.

There is something endearing about looking into the eyes of a 'sister of the heart' and experiencing a special knowing that silently passes between you. A voiceless communication transpires securing the bond of the relationship.

In a circle of women or in the presence of a dear friend, one does not always find appropriate words. Women capable of listening with compassion to what is not being said is a greater gift than being 'silver tongued'. Even if the women do not totally understand each other, their simple presence brings comfort.

Having a place to sit with our hidden silences is priceless. When we feel totally accepted there is a restoration of spirit. We have newly found courage to move forward once again.

A Place For You ...

How might your life have been different if there had

been a place for you, a place for you to go to be with your mother, with your sisters and the aunts, with your grandmothers, and the great- and great-great-grandmothers, a place of women to go, to be, to return to, as woman?

How might your life be different?

CIRCLE OF STONES

Judith Duerk

Our society is very mobile with loved ones located all over the world.  Young children may not have life time relationships with their grandparents or extended family.  The sense of community once found in incidental small towns is on a reduced scale.  The family structure itself has been and is being altered in it self. 

CIRCLE OF STONES, Woman's Journey To Herself,  by Judith Duerk, is a wonderful book for all ages.  It prompts the reader to look within to discover a personal feminine voice while viewing ancient culture and ritual.  The ability to create wholeness, which was once guided by the gathering of female family members, is now the responsibility of each of us.  Without the storytelling of ancient wisdom, the process towards developing our feminine nature can be lengthy and daunting.

It is for this reason that relationships need to be as real and truthful as they possibly can.  We must be the mothers, sisters and aunts, grandmothers, and great grandmothers and great-great-grandmothers to one and other.  We are called to fill relationships with integrity and openness, with our truth for the enhancement of all involved.

"Friends are the family

we meet along the way."

Circle of Women

A circle of women can provide a container for emergence in a way that a woman alone or even a one-to-one relationship cannot.  Intimate relationships and even friendships can break or at least be greatly strained by life changes.  But from the combined wisdom and energy of a small group of women who are committed to "hearing each other into speech," continuity and trust can develop that can be relied on over the long term.  And, witnessing each person's direct knowing of her truth can be empowered to live our own. 

                                                Excerpt:  FEMININE FACE OF GOD

                                by Sherry Ruth Anderson and Patricia Hopkins

We do not evolve on our own.  We stretch and grow through relationship with each other.  As we sit together, we are like mirrors reflecting ourselves back to each other.  What one woman learns in the presence of others is on some level experienced by all.  What applies to one, is applicable to the other. 

A circle of sisters gathered together offers unconditional love, encouragement, and truthful insight.  When absent from the circle, one knows that in spirit a place is being held ... no matter how long away.

I am so deeply grateful for the women who I have been honored to accompany in a circle whether it has been in prayer, Reiki gathering, spiritual unfoldment or experiencing passages in life.  The women who have been present in my life have made endless and unforgettable contributions that have helped me face the challenges placed upon my path.

My heart is eternally thankful for these 'sisters of my heart' who traveled with me, especially when there was a bend in the road or an impassable barrier.  There have been a few women in particular who 'carried' me when I didn't have the strength to walk on my own. 

"We women must listen to ourselves and to each other as the individual voice of each of us is born.  We must learn ... to simply listen and be present to one another."  

*** CIRCLE OF STONES by Judith Duerk