Looking Beyond the Title

Each has his past shut in him

like the leaves of a book,

known to him by heart

and his friends can only read the title.

Virginia Woolf

People see only what we allow them to see.  Our childhood reprimands and well intentioned parental directives are safely recorded within.  Shame and guilt establish origin in these very early years.  Parts of our selves get tucked away before they have had time to begin.

Generally speaking, men seem to have the 'buck up' or 'it is what it is' attitude pushing themselves forward, burying emotion and challenge deep within.  Women have the tendency to repress such memories, but like well wrapped china.  They are stored carefully and unwrapped with delicate hands on occasion to be wept over and then returned safely again.

In either case, both men and women repress emotions not realizing how these unresolved feelings drive our behaviors.  If asked about therapy to address the past, men usually respond with something like, "Why would I want to dredge all of that up?  I want to just leave it alone! It is over."  Perhaps women have a higher awareness and are more apt to experience the cracking of the emotional foundation where things can no longer be stored. 

A woman is more apt to drudge through her history as though she were rooting through family heirlooms stacked against a basement wall.  She is willing to sort through water damaged boxes discarding tarnished or shattered pieces that no longer hold any value.  The task may take weeks or months, but when she has extracted what she no longer wants to save, she has fresh new spaces to maneuver through more easily. 

Male or female, we may not be able to sort through our hidden chapters.  We may require the help of a trusted friend or a qualified therapist.  There are a variety of tools to help us such as:   keeping a journal, dream recording, prayer, meditation, contemplation and energy work to name only a few.  Nature is a wonderful container to sit in when we don't want to explore alone or a quiet retreat center or chapel.

Either way, it is human nature to want to use our voice, to be listened to, and to be understood.  Deep inside we long for others to accept us, but if we do not allow trusted others to look beyond our title, to read our pages and in between the lines, we will feel fraudulent.  It is when we open our selves to experience compassion from others that we feel unburdened.  With self-forgiveness love empowers us and our life story becomes a manuscript!