Let No One Take It Away

“Living with integrity means: Not settling for less than what you know you deserve in your relationships. Asking for what you want and need from others. Speaking your truth, even though it might create conflict or tension. Behaving in ways that are in harmony with your personal values. Making choices based on what you believe, and not what others believe.”

Barbara De Angelis

                                                                

Surviving a few major relationships, dedicated to a vibrant career, I willingly faced life as a single, but surrounded by solid friendships.  By living alone, I had freedom to do whatever I wanted within reason.  I resided in a condo much like a tree house, having access to the sky, the stars, and the moon.  I gathered various groups whenever it pleased, and entertained with a creative flair that greatly appeased.  I continued to enjoy the fullness in my life, but I desired to  have a companion to finish out my remaining years. 
  

Living by one's self for any length of time creates spontaneity and flexibility without having to account for impulsiveness.  Freedom to readjust schedules on a whim, eat cereal for dinner without a second thought, and stay in pajamas for a full day without a care.  There is pleasure found in shutting the house down at 7 p.m. retreating to bed for long evenings read. This freedom to do as one pleases creates the ability to become rather indulgent in an innocent but selfish way. 

We hold our selves accountable for what we say and meet our personal needs as so inclined.  We speak our truth without fear of embarrassing a mate or causing conflict and tension within the home.  We can run late and eat on the fly, and change course unable to see the bookstore without dropping by.  Each part of our life is orchestrated exacting harmony in our lives.

There came a time , for me at least, where my life indeed was full, but I wanted to bring someone into my fold, to share and be shared as life would unfold.  And in doing so, one needs to change the notes in one's song, adjusting words to a new harmony.   It takes time and experience to find the balance of two dancing instead of one.

So we speak of integrity and it should continue to hold true.  No matter if we are alone or sharing life we must use our voice to speak our truth.  We must come out of our analytical thinking and express our needs in spite of the confusion that may fall.  We must stay true to our self even while sharing this doubled life.  It is too easy to lose our self, relinquishing our right to freedom we deserve to hold. 

It is necessary for each of us to preserve our freedom and to respect the freedom of others.  It is ours to have and to hold each in our own right.  Let no one take it away. 

No Resolutions, Just One Promise

Go ahead, struggle through it.
Pick up the pen already and put it to the page and stop whining. Write.

Pick up the brush and be mean to yourself for a change, paint.

Dancers, put on the loose chemise, tie the ribbons in your hair,
at your waist, or on your ankles and tell the body to take it from there. Dance.

Actress, playwright, poet, musician, or any other.
Generally, just stop talking, Don’t say one more word unless you’re a singer.

Shut yourself in a room with  ceiling or in a clearing under the sky.

Do your art.

Generally, a thing cannot freeze if it is moving.
So move.
Keep moving.

~ Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes

As the end of the year approaches we can not help but recall some of the resolutions we made in previous years, but never followed through.  Some of us will have lists of anticipated mastering while others may only have a few.  Either way, seldom are we truly successful in following through.

Let me suggest not making any resolutions.  Just make one promise to our self, and if we mindfully honor it, all else will fall into place.  If we respectfully keep the promise, we will navigate through the year with numerous accomplishments and a greater sense of self.

And what is this magical promise?  To thine own self be true. 

Think about it!  If we are monitoring our selves and really  feeling deeply within  how situations or people impact our behaviors, we use our sense of self as the measuring stick.

If we pay attention to our thoughts:

I really do not enjoy my work.

Instead of a goal to discover new employment with our crazy economic situation, begin my visualizing the kind of job where you would be challenged, creative, and happy.  Be excited about it and network with others.  Experience how this makes you feel more in control of your life and how hope stimulates how you feel inside.

My living space is unacceptable.

Instead of making a goal, begin to imagine what you may want or need to feel comfortable.  In your mind's eye, see your self happy, safe, and inspired in a new surrounding.  Be aware of how this allows the experience of calm and contentment.  Tell others what you might want to find.  Take random walks or different routines of driving and you may just discover a sign. 

I have out grown my relationships, I need new friends.

It is important to acknowledge how people make you feel.  Do they drain you or excite you?  It seems judgmental to say your friends are no longer meeting your needs, but wanting to expand your circle is not wrong.  We develop new interests or long for deeper friendships.  Just pay attention to those you come in contact with in your daily routine.  Frequently we are simply overlooking someone as we do not take the time to respect or honor those around us.  Attempt to learn more about these people and you may find yourself pleasantly surprised.  Let your feelings be your guide.

Whenever we set goals, they can almost feel burdensome from the get go.   We can make a list, misplace it, or forget about it entirely.  If we simply listen to our selves, we will know what we want and deal with it in the present moment.   It isn't about daily planners, calendars or time management.  If we remain present in the moment aware of our true nature, we will create a richer way of living by appreciating what we beckon into our life moment to moment.

Just one promise:  Be in the moment with your beautiful self!

Moving through Loneliness

 

When I get lonely these days, I think:  So BE lonely, Liz.  Learn your way around loneliness.  Make a map of it.  Sit with it, for once in your life.  Welcome to the human experience.  But never again use another person's body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings.

Elizabeth Gilbert

Eat, Pray, Love

Loneliness impacts all of us from time to time.  It is a part of being human, but it does have a remedy for all levels of experiencing life.   Loneliness is especially present during the Christmas Holidays.

We may originally believe that loneliness comes to those who are physically alone, but this is not accurate at all.  There are many people who are surrounded by others and yet feel totally alone.  There are also those who live totally removed from all others and yet do not experience an over abundance of loneliness.

Let us just accept that loneliness is no stranger to anyone.  It is similar to being angry.  We all experience anger at some level and we have a choice as to what to do with it.  We know there are appropriate ways of releasing anger just as there are inappropriate ways.  The same holds true for loneliness.

Prior to being lonely, it is ideal to make a list of things to do:

1.  Take a leisurely bath with a candle, music, and good book.

2.  Buy yourself flowers.

3.  Invite friends over for a potluck.

4.  Go to a movie, museum, art gallery, library ...

5.  Curl up in your favorite chair and read.

6.  Settle in and meditate or pray.

7.  Journal

8.  Get out in nature.

When we normalize loneliness, we can move on to the remedy.  When we can see it as a state of being, accept it, and remind our selves that it won't stay forever, we already begin to feel encouraged.   It is helpful to be aware of when we most likely will have the sensation of loneliness.  Identify triggers like over working, unbalanced social and private time, not enough sleep, not eating correctly, or a particular time of the year. 

Granted, loneliness is experienced differently for each of us, but we all share in the experience.  If we but dare to embrace it with appropriate actions, we will not find ourselves in desperate situations that will be regretted immediately. 

Resolution resides inside each of us when we connect with Spirit and move past the illusion of separateness.  Spirit is always with us, but Divine wisdom is difficult to hear when we are self-absorbed.  We need to be patient with our  'self' and remember  loneliness shall pass.  It just passes more quickly if we honor and respect ourselves with appropriate behaviors.

Be Loyal to Our Selves

Just because I liked something at one point in time doesn’t mean I’ll always like it, or that I have to go on liking it at all points in time as an unthinking act of loyalty to who I am as a person, based solely on who I was as a person. To be loyal to myself is to allow myself to grow and change, and challenge who I am and what I think. The only thing I am for sure is unsure, and this means I’m growing, and not stagnant or shrinking.

Jarod Kintz

Before we can be loyal to our selves, we must first know who we are inside and out. Secondly, we need to be so closely connected to who we are that we know when we are on the cusp of change or facing challenge.  Once the change or challenge has been completed, we then adjust our behaviors accordingly.

Frequently, we outgrow a favorite sport or activity and yet find our selves parroting to someone how much we love it.  When we really listen or pay attention, we soon realize that we have grown out of something, but as we were not paying attention, we have grown stagnant by not replacing the old with something new.  A new project or a new interest, or a new way of reflecting who we are now.

We out grow apartments or homes.  We out grow office space or personal space within a relationship.  If we experience a spiritual awareness, we may feel uncomfortable with how we spend our social time.  Any time there is change, an adjustment needs to be made, otherwise the imbalance of a certain part is not being supported by the whole.

When we change, it is not always comfortable for us.  It takes energy to physically or emotionally withdraw.  It helps when we give our selves permission to move ahead even when it means we leave others behind.  We are not being selfish nor our we being judgmental when we decide we need something different to support our mind, body, or spirit. 

When give our selves permission to evolve into  new space, we increase our curiosity, trigger adventure, and allow our selves to grow.  If we ignore our yearnings for change or dreams, we are not honoring our creative or authentic self.  We have an obligation to be loyal to friends, but first we must be loyal to our selves.

To some, this may sound selfish.  Being loyal or respectful to our selves does not mean being greedy or harmful to others.  It does mean nurturing our selves so we can stretch into who we truly want to be, just as Divine intended.

Words Upon the Page

And by the way,

everything in life is writable about

if you have the outgoing guts to do it,

and the imagination to improvise.

The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.

                                           Sylvia Plath

Ever since I was a little girl, I have been writing and reading and then writing some more.  There is very little else I enjoy more than writing, unless of course it is reading.  I have  felt freedom and joy placing pen onto paper and allowing my thoughts to take form and flow.  I don't have to think about what to write, there seems to be something just waiting there.  Waiting to take form in the perfect words and then spring forth in perfect words.

Writing is a way to ease things out of me or to sort through random thoughts clamoring for structure and order.  It is also the means of engaging with you, sharing questions and sought after answers.  Carefully placing my words upon paper is an effort for me to make things right, to help set the world in a better way.  The more we can understand each other, the smaller the world will seem and we hopefully can stay out of harm's way. 

My words are no greater than any others, but they are honest and true.  There means to be no implication that my beliefs are exclusively accurate, for all people need to find their own words and express them in their own way.

Words are colors dancing in my thoughts.  Each word has its own rhythm and tone.  Some may be similar, but each meaning is enitrely its own.  Some words bring images and by joining these images, a mini-theater unfolds in my head. 

This process almost works in reverse in that the slower I go, the more details race in.  It is as though the rehersals have already been run, and in this final act no one wants to be cut from the show.  Carefully, I go, making certain the smallest detail is captured to complete the story you will behold.

Thoughts take form in words that are written upon the page.  It is reliving or recalling or manifesting dreams, desires, or pain.  There seems to be great healing once everything is neatly displayed. Thank you for meeting me here, to witness this page.



Don't Underestimate Yourself!

  

 

You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere.  You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.

Siddhartha Gautama

We are all faced with challenges, both big and small.  Sometimes we seem to have the confidence and momentum to just create an outline and bull doze our way right through the task.  If we are not in an emotionally strong place, however, we may feel overwhelmed with no resolutions in sight.

This is something we all face even though it may not appear to be this way on the outside.  Part of the human experience is facing challenges so we can learn, change and grow.  We are called to use our creativity and life experiences to deal with what ever presents it self.  Our initial attitude must be one of confidence whether real or imagined.

The first step is to brainstorm by ourselves.  Explore numerous possibilities even if they do not seem realistic.  If we need to, we can always include family or friends to help us create a positive plan of action.  Just don't procrastinate or additional things can be muddled into the mix.

The worst thing we can do is backslide into an attitude  of self-defeat, personal criticism, and destructive mind games.  The wrong question is "Why me?"  The appropriate question is "What lesson am I to learn from this?"  Once the lesson can be identified, we can breathe a sigh of relief and begin our lesson knowing there will be reward.  When we master a lesson, we become stronger with new information to be carried into the future to help ourselves again, or to help others.

Just remember to believe in our personal abilities and focus on positive resolutions.  Stay grounded or centered until the right course of action becomes clear.  Believe we have the courage, the knowledge, and endurance to see this challenge through.  Remain aware that we are never alone, we are powerful, and we can move through any crisis.

For additional support, call to mind others who have faced excruciating obstacles and surpassed limitations.  Be inspired by other personal victories and believe with a full heart that we are deserving of both love and accomplishment!