Indian teacher Sri Nisargadatta writes, "The mind creates the abyss. The heart crosses over it." Sometimes the abyss of fear and isolation is so wide that we hold back, unable to enter the sanctuary of presence, frozen in our pain. At such times, we need a taste of love from somewhere in order to begin the thaw.
Tara Brach
Tara Brach is a Clinical Psychologist, Author, Teacher of Buddhist Mindfulness and regularly posts on a blog for The Huffington Post. In the entry I was reading this morning, Tara Brach was sharing a story about a friend who was faced with illness and not surprisingly scared. This story reflected how we throw up walls around us when we are frightened which prevents us from receiving what we need ... love. She encourages us not to go into isolation but to reach out and asked to be loved. To be loved is our basic need.
I have been a master brick layer all of my life. I can create a solid brick wall within a blink of the eye. My walls can be easily removed once I feel safe, but generally remain in place for lengths of time. I can openly share this now as I have learned to face fear an not hide. I am still tempted to demonstrate my brick laying skills, but I now force my self to stand still in the moment facing fear. Fear is nothing but an illusion. What happens to be waiting for us behind the illusion of fear is not always good, but it is better than the emotional damage hiding behind a wall.
Standing in the present moment requires courage as so does asking to be loved. Some where along life's path I assumed that if you were worth it, people would tell you of their love and one never asked for love. To ask for love would be totally humiliating.
Sometimes in spite of our isolation, a true friend sees through our mask and reaches out to us, to save us from our limiting behaviors. At first we may be shocked a person saw through our thick wall of protection, and then we collapse with relief to be loved after all.
It takes more energy to be a master of disguise obsessed with building an invisible wall, than it does to stand still in the present moment. It takes less energy to face our fears. With great courage, we can extend our hand through fear and discover the warm hand of a friend just waiting for us. We don't have to be alone to face the challenges in our lives.
These things help me:
~ be aware that a wall is being put up
~ notice the isolation
~ understand self-sabotage
~ remember being worthy
~ reach out to a trusted friend
~ request hugs
~ remember this is not unique nor healthy behavior
~ it is a basic human need to be loved
It is important to remember that action is the key. Those surrounding us may or may not be aware of challenges we try to hide. We must reach out. Sometimes that is all we can do, just reach out. Maybe we do not have the courage to disclose the story, but the act of reaching out will be comforting in itself. When we gain the confidence to share our story, we then will have a person to explore some solutions. Through trusted conversations, we can discover healthy
ways to move forward.
Quick fixes are not the answer. Be patient with life and we must be gentle with our self. We can sit in the sun and allow our self to thaw. We can discover a patron saint, a favortie poet, or a daily inspiration to help us on our way. (May I suggest Allan Cohen and Mark Nepo) Brick by brick remove the wall. If this seems impossible, than climb over it ... just get to the other side!
For whatever reason if we do not feel we have any person physically capable of being present to witness our lives, seek out a minister, a mentor, or guidance through meditation. There are numerous energy workers or even a massage can stimulate our body, mind, and soul. In prayer, we are always heard even if we do not receive immediate results. Journal or write letters. We need to make the choice to begin. Reach out!
