Equal Time

Let me tell you this:  if you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it's not because they enjoy solitude.  It's because they have tried to blend into the world before, and people continue to disappoint them.

Jodi Picoult

My Sister's Keeper



Jodi Picoult is an interesting author.  She has excellent character development and deals with difficult life issues.  Sometimes, however, she takes the reader through emotional drama and then ends the story without comforting resolve. 

Her most recent book, SING YOU HOME, is filled with challenge and heart rendering situations.  I agreed to read it only because my daughter promised it had a good ending.  I was thoroughly engaged in the book, as all of the characters were real to life facing difficulties that many face in our culture today.  My heart was tugged in diverse directions.

Once finished, I recalled another excellent book of Jodi Picoult's, MY SISTER'S KEEPER.  It is where the above quote was found.   This author scripts words which make me think just a little harder.

I have perceived myself as a loner throughout my life and yes, I have had my share of disappointments from others.  As much as I enjoy relationships, I most generally require equal time in solitude.  I do not believe I hide or that I am bitter.  I just enjoy quiet, time alone, or just being.  

We all need to determine the blend or mix for what we need and then build strong boundaries to make certain our needs are met and protected.  I guess it doesn't matter what other people assume determines our behavior as long as we are happy with it!

Solitude or Isolation

Each of us carries the tendency to separate ourselves from others.  There is such a thing as splendid solitude, but isolation is not it.   ~ Marianne Williamson 


For several months now, I have withdrawn into my life.  I have taken a sabbatical from old routines and discovered freedom to unfold in my own time.  I explore inner landscapes that have been ignored for decades and in dire need for excavation.  My journal is filling with words from my silence, articulating truths for so long not told.  I am deciphering my dreams with greater intensity to help break out of my too narrow vision.

For me, all of these actions are healthy and necessary for my personal and spiritual growth, but I now discover that I have eliminated too many resources.  For me, the weather has been too extremely hot, so my daily walks have been postponed indefinitely.  I have missed the inspiration provided by nature and its flock.  My writers group will not begin again for a few more weeks, so my dedication to writing has fallen more to my self-discipline rather than fresh ideas triggered by our weekly meetings.  I have chosen far more fiction books than I normally read, so I have lost the balance I usually keep with non-fiction.

So except for my women's circle, I have taken very little time to nurture friendships, both old and new.  I have kept up with a few friends grabbing coffee from time to time, but not at all like I used to do.  So has my intention for solitude led me to isolation?  I think this may be true.

The trouble with isolation is that we are so far removed from the actual scene, our perceptions are easily distorted.  Not hearing the voices of others we love and respect, our ego gladly steps forward to put its convoluted spin on things.  These negative shifts in perception pave the way to greater isolation.

We need to discover the balance between time spent with our loved ones and time spent with loving our selves.  Our body needs hugs and kindness from others just as much as we need time for contemplation or reflection or prayer. 

If not careful, time with friends or career can turn into a 24 hour rat race.  If not careful, solitude can turn into isolation.