Slip Back Unnoticed

"fit in here, in my palm, in my shadow,

don't be bigger than my idea of you,

don't be more beautiful than i can accept,

don't be more human than i am willing to allow you to be 

and be quiet, you're too loud,

even your un-belonging is loud,

quiet your dreams, your voice, your hair

quiet your displacement

quiet your longing, your color,

quiet your walk, your eyes."

Warsan Shire

sliding down the slippery slope,  my descent is awkward and spiraling into darkness i have known before.  i have been hood winked yet another time, just in a different way.  the result is the same.  loss of power, light, and hope.

options are always present, but they seem to be even smaller than before.  shrinking, one would think i would survive in lesser space.  minimized into nothingness, all without grace.

doubting the climb will be worth the tears, fear, and darkened skies.  so tired of being the fore runner, the strong warrior, and the example of how not to be.  looping around in emotional dysfunction, what point does there seem to be?

just as i reach for the golden ring, the earth shifts.   i am left hanging in the air, suspended,  the wind dries my eyes and the sun returns life to my face.  i gently slip back unnoticed, trying to save face.