Feeling Messy

 

 

"Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart.
...live in the question.”

 

Rainer Maria Rilke

LETTERS TO A YOUNG POET

There are cycles to our emotions.  We first discover it as young women going into, during, and coming out of our menses.  Like  the release of air from a leaking balloon, our self-esteem starts to seep away.  This is then followed by discouraging thoughts or minor depression.  After a few days, our spirits begin to soar.  We feel unbeatable and ready to accomplish great creative achievement ...  'I am woman, hear me roar!'

It doesn't seem to matter to our bodies whether we are pre-menstrual, menstruating, or post-menstrual.  Our bodies seem to follow a graduating cycle regardless of our age, building to a peak and then crashing down to begin once again. 

I have learned to be patient in these peaks and valleys.  I have seen first hand the beauty that follows chaos.  I have felt the range of motions cycling in and out, while I try to hold my self in the light remembering that all things come to pass.  To live in the question seems to be the best way.

My emotions are bleeding all over, not contained within a cycle, but permeating every nook  and crannie.  I am feeling a disturbance from all places of the beating heart, as our world, community, and families face their plight.  It is not a matter of feeling hopeless as I do believe we are all just 'recalabrating' our energies.  Surely these changes in frequencies are being felt by all.

The point is, I am feeling messy.  I am not neatly contained, but cluttered with overwhelming thoughts.  I am out of sync, while the music beats on.  Nothing is scheduled as my routine has been aborted, leaving me to feel unstructured and uncertain in most every way. 

Perhaps this struggle is simply labor.  I can only hope to be birthing something wonderful, returning joy to my heavy heart.  Maybe in time, even passion shall return with pen to page writing uplifting insights rather than worries from an old sage!