When another person makes you suffer, it is because he suffers deeply within himself, and his suffering is spilling over. He does not need punishment; he needs help. That's the message he is sending.”
Thich Nhat Hanh
Last spring, my partner and I attended the Edwards Place Art Show. We like to go early to avoid crowded booths and far away parking. It was a lovely day and so well attended, we had to park in a parking lot a short distance away. Hours later, we were returning to his car, and I was headed for another row back. "Over here," he called to me, so I made an immediate turn to double back. I did not realize, however, there was a man standing quite close to me.
From this man's point of view, I had been approaching his standing area and when I saw him, he assumed I changed directions because of him. This was not true. He simply was never in my in my line of sight. When I abruptly turned, he spoke out loudly to me, "I would not have hurt you!"
Looking back over my shoulder, I saw this man for the first time. He was clean, but poorly dressed. He had some age to him and did not present a physical threat whatsoever, but was decidedly lingering in the parking lot. Had I seen him, I would not have been afraid.
When I was getting into our car, I put together what must have happened. His body language spoke of many humiliations and rejections. Tears came to my eyes as I now understood that my actions triggered his automatic assumptions of being lesser than. I felt horrible as I knew I had just added to his already heavy baggage.
If I had noticed this man, I would not have rebuffed him. I am certain that we would have exchanged pleasant words. Perhaps he would have asked for money or may be not, I will never know. What upset me most was him never knowing he had not come into my view or I would have treated him with respect.
Accumulating our emotional baggage can be compared to a garbage can. After each experience is consumed, we stuff leftovers into the garbage. Over time, the can gets quite full, but we do not empty it. We push down on the emotional garbage, making room for more. This only works for a short time, and then the garbage will suddenly overflow.
In this world, in this country, in every state and city, there are people hurting. They may look fine on the outside, but on the inside violence is gurgling. It is improbable that any one of us will know when the next slight will cause the perculating violence to spew.
The man in the parking lot has remained in my mind for months now and perhaps this is how it was meant to be. Instead of a small exchange while passing by, I send him love, light, and energy for a greater length of time. I know this man was hurting by the way he responded to my abrupt actions. I also know that as human beings, we rarely have the courage to look friend or foe directly in the eye and say, "I am hurting!"
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