Another Year Passing Me By ...

 

Your pain is the breaking of the shell

that encloses your understanding.

Kahlil Gibran

There have been some of those who I have met along the way, that have already stepped off their path either to rest or journey no farther.  My journey continues.

Another year is passing me by, and it has been a period for 'breaking my shell'... transformation, forgiveness and reunification.  A time for letting go and moving forward to harmonize opposites.

There is limitation in totally removing oneself from the physical world through meditation, contemplation and withdrawal.  There are restrictions when living totally in the physical world void of the mysteries of life and personal evolving.  So we must take the best of both worlds, being spiritually connected while engaging with the human population.

My years of seeking or searching seem to have ended.  Now I sit heavily with all that I have gathered and anticipate how to give back meeting life's purpose.  I am excited with the prospects that are now waiting before me, and I find myself more than eager to walk further down my creative road.

My shell continues to crack and the pain reminds me of the hidden, needing to be unveiled once and for all.  Even though in doing so, the risk becomes I may not be who I think I am at all.  So many layers stripped away, and yet one never seems to be done.  My choice I suppose, but I long for the unfolding of what is yet to come.

 

 

Silencing Ego

Anytime there is a struggle between doing what is actually right and doing what seems right, then your ego is interfering with your decision.   ~Darren L. Johnson


One day I was talking to a person who inquired about Reiki.
I was in a good mood and a relaxed social situation, so I dove in head first into the conversation.  However, my focus was not on Reiki.  It was on: "I" experience ... "I" can feel ... "I" can see ..., etc.   The person inquired about Reiki, but instead of describing Reiki, "I" was allowing ego to monopolize the conversation.  Without ego, the conversation would have been about  how "you" would feel,  what "you" might experience or how energy work might impact "you".   Energy work is not

about 'me' no matter how good "I" am.   I am blessed to be a vessel for energy....a hollow pipe .... a vehicle for energy to pass through.


So if I talk less and listen more I am enabled to actually hear when ego takes over.  One must be aware of the dominating ego prior to silencing it.

In another conversation with someone who did not know me very well brought up the subject of dreams. I have studied dreams for years, tracked my dreams daily, and have

done workshops and lectures on dreams which this woman obviously did not know.  So this novice was speculating about

dreams.  Ego bristles and the temptation is to say, "Well, let me tell you ...." but I recognized ego's desire to be important.  I also realized that the other woman would have been  embarrassed.  So my 'higher self' ignored ego and remained a good listener.

There is always choice and if we choose to let ego run over others, we are generally serving our selves and not honoring others.   So we endeavor to keep our motivation for what is best for the other, in this particular situation, rather than for our selves.

Another area where ego runs rampant is with our children or grandchildren or friends.  How many times have we said, "I have told them numerous times about .... and they don't listen." Then when the unfortunate situation comes true, we want to say,  "hmmmm, haven't 'I' told you this would happen. ?"

So that is ego seeking its own glory, not having the other person's best interest at heart. 

Instead of always having an "I" answer, it is sometimes best to ask questions: What do you think your best option is? What do you think you can afford to do? Can you break the problem down into steps?   See how the focus shifts and empowers the other person?  So the response comes with comfort rather than  "my right' answers.

There is a process in learning how to silence the ego.  Here is a glimpse of how the transition can unfold:

Know that ego shouldn't be dominant

Listen to yourself

Be aware of  when it happens (with certain people, situations)

Stop in mid-sentence and redirect by eliminating "I"

Redirect by asking questions of the other person

Practice and ego grows silent

We all have the obligation to speak our truth and to use our voice.   There are certain times, however,  when being humble and allowing our self to "be still" or witness without input increases the bond between children, grandchildren or friends.

 

The Little Soul by Neale Donald Walsch

"Oh we have danced together

you and I,

many times."

Neale Donald Walsch

"The Little Soul and the Sun"

There is a wonderful children's book written by Neale Donald Walsch:  "The Little Soul and the Sun:  A Children's Parable Adapted from Conversations With God."  (Neale Donald Walsch is the author of "Conversations with God" which became a series of very successful books. )

The parable is about a small angel, Little Soul, who understands that he is made of light.  He also understands to truly know what light is, one must also experience dark, just like hot and cold or up and down. 

Little Soul decides to take an adventure into the physical where he can truly witness the dark.  Another small angel, Friendly Soul, offers to go with him into this next life time to do something "bad" so Little Soul can be One Who Forgives.  Friendly Soul states that he will have to slow his vibration way down and not be who he truly is to be in the dark.  His fear of course is that Little Soul will forget that Friendly Soul is playing a part to be a teacher to his beloved friend.

A friend shared this book with me probably 20 years ago, and it remains one of my favorites even though it was written for children.  It is in total alignment with many spiritual teachings reflecting all of our actions impact each other and we are all one.   

Many spiritual beliefs come easily to me, but wrapping my mind around my enemy being someone who loves me, truly challenges me.  In truth, it has taken several years for me to act accordingly.  Thus the question, "What is the lesson here," followed by, "Don't kill the messenger!" 

These thoughts trigger many questions which act as a catalyst for forgiveness.  Based on the parable above, the people who have treated me harshly are actually those who love me the most.  Harsh teachers loved us so much they were willingly to run the risk of our judgment and lack of forgiveness ... to forget who they truly are ... to forget who we truly are ...  to lower our vibration to be who we are not.

It matters not whether you believe this concept or not.  What matters is stretching your mind and earnestly seeing your very self in the eyes of others.

When it happens to you ...

Privacy is not something

that I'm merely entitled to,

it's an absolute prerequisite.

Marlon Brando

There has been a computer in my home since 1997 and I am very pleased to say it has never been hacked into or attacked by any virus that could not be removed with a proper download.

I must admit there have been times when I have chuckled to my self when I have received an e-mail from a close friend telling me she is in London, her purse has been stolen, and please send money.  There have been several of this kind floating around, but not effecting me in any particular way. 

I greeted this lovely morning as I normally do.  With coffee cup in hand, I check my blog and then my e-mails.  My inbox was cluttered with numerous 'failure to deliver' messages.  There were three e-mails from good friends inquiring about how to open a certain link I had supposedly sent ... groan! I had not sent any such link nor had I even seen it.  With embarrassment, I went through my rather lengthy contact list sending a blanket e-mail about receiving SPAM from me.  I really felt very badly.  Besides, it wasn't even a very exciting message like I was in Italy!  Some just had a strange link, others about foreclosure and some about coconut oil.  My account reflects the hacking occurred at 3:34 am from Japan.

That being said and done, the question that niggles at my brain is how my e-mail contact list got compromised.  I don't know the extent of those contacted, but I wonder where it had been accessible.  I am always very careful to use 'bcc' so others cannot see each others addresses ... it is a privacy thing.  I don't randomly 'surf' the Internet which might inadvertently expose my privacy. 

This may have been funny when it happens to someone else, but when it happens to you, it is upsetting.  Invasion of privacy on any level is not acceptable.  It is necessary for each of us to respect not only our own boundaries, but the boundaries and limitations of others as well.

 

Following Hafiz

I should not make any promises right now,

But I know if you Pray

Somewhere in this world ~

Something good will happen.

Hafiz

I frequently use Hafiz's idea of sending prayer out into the world.  It is never a formal prayer on bended knee nor is it memorized in advance.  I might be sitting at a stop light and see a person crossing in front of my car or notice an unknown individual walking down the sidewalk.  I immediately send words from my heart ... just a string of spontaneous positive thoughts.  It is such a brief gesture and so easy to do!

Traveling on the interstate to and from my daughter's home, I drive by a prison.  I pull into the slower lane and begin praying as I approach, while I am in front of and I as I pass by.

I rapidly send thoughts such as: 

May you feel an aspect of joy today!

May you experience a sense of friendship.

May you find forgiveness.

May you find acceptance.

May you discover hope.

May you feel loved once again!

The same holds true for me as I watch the news and view other countries experiencing violence, famine or the wrath of nature.  If I can send positive thoughts in some form of prayer, I don't feel quite so helpless.

All it takes is being mindful to use small spaces of time for the betterment of others.  Just remember to do it frequently and then it becomes a very natural habit!





What We Think

Action and reaction

ebb and flow,

trial and error, change ~

this is the rhythm of living.

Out of our over-confidence, fear;

out of our fear, clearer vision, fresh hope.

And out of hope, progress.

Bruce Barton

There is a definite difference between the words action and reaction.  Action is frequently well planned or based on previous outcome; whereas, reaction is generally a response triggered by an emotion.  In various situations, we have the choice of acting or reacting.

Whether it is the lady behind you cluelessly bumping her grocery cart against the back of your ankles or the driver behind you blasting his horn or small children screaming, we may find ourselves 'flying off the handle' which would definitely be a reaction.  Throughout our day, we may have 'knee jerk' reactions to a variety of people or situations.  We react as though we were on automatic pilot.

Action is when we take pause or preparation prior to the response.  In order to have this kind of action, we must slow down.  So when a person hurts your feelings, instead of rippping off his or her head, we can take a breath and think of what we really want to express.  Too often, we react spewing words that we will later regret.

In slowing our selves down, we have time to think ... I don't want to be lesser than I am ... I don't want to hurt someone even though they have hurt me ... I don't want to escalate or extend this situation.  We have choice.

The very best response is based on a different perception.  Instead of letting some one else's words or actions hurt you and trigger a negative action, switch your perception and acknowledge their actions. 

"You seem to be having a bad day."

"Why don't we talk again when you are not so upset." 

"Let's take a few moments here and work this out."   

These responses will not escalate nor extend hostilities or hurtful situations.  We do not let the offender pull us out of the behaviors we want to be demonstrating for others.

When we let our emotions override our good senses, we say or do things we never intended.  When the incident has passed and we find our selves saying, "I can't believe I did that," you know you have just reacted.

Even in a positive situation our immediate reaction can pull us into an unwanted element.  My daughter is always eager to buy me something when we shop, so I am careful to say, "Oh, I love that ... but I don't want it for me ... but I do love it!"  Reactions, as I said, are not always well thought out as they are usually an immediate response that may not hold true in the immediate future.

What is the old saying, "Think before you leap!"  Don't wait for a situaion to arise to start pausing just prior to response.  Try pausing in your daily stream of thoughts first, as we become what we think!

The Red Cardinal with a Message

The cardinal"s presence reflects a time
to renew our vitality.  It reflects lessons

in developing and accepting a new sense

of our own true self-importance.

Ted Andrews

Animal-Speak

Sitting in my youngest son's back yard, there was a bird out of sight but near by that kept getting louder and louder.  I finally asked my son, "Can you see that bird?  What kind of bird is it?" 

Just then with great drama, the bird flew very close to us and we could all see the beautiful male cardinal.  He settled very closely to us for all to see and he sang his little heart out.

I reminded my son how very much his granny loved cardinals.  No one in the family ever sees a cardinal without thinking of her.  My granddaughter's mom promptly told me that her grandfather was an avid cardinal admirer and her family always thought of him when a cardinal appeared.

Then this story was told to me:

My granddaughter was sitting out back with her mom.  They were enjoying a beautiful spring morning when a cardinal appeared.  The mom returned to the house to get something and when she returned, she found my granddaughter standing directly below the cardinal.  The bird was singing and my granddaughter was talking to the bird.  Not just talking, but having a conversation.  I was told that this was not a brief interlude, but a communication that carried on for a length of time.

I believe that God is in all of nature and that wisdom, insight, and understanding flow through flowers, trees, birds, and animals.  I also believe angels surround us or guides, however you want to label them.  I feel with all my heart that children's 'imaginary friends' are indeed spirits.  Little children can see things just like we could when we were little, except the grown ups told us otherwise so eventually we forgot.

My granddaughter just turned three years old, and I would like to believe that her ancestors paid her a visit that morning in the form of a red bird.  I sense that she was being reminded that she was not alone and that she must have courage to be who she was meant to be. I am delighted to know that she already was communing with nature!





Where I need to be ...

 

I may not have gone where I intended to go,

but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.

Douglas Adams

The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul

Babies are not born with directions for upkeep and care, so wishing to be born with a map red lining my path of life is wishful thinking!   Are we on the right road?  Which exit do we take?  Why is their a detour? How could I have run out of gas!

There are many twists and turns in life, but if we pay close attention we notice red flags or gentle nudges to be guided in a different way.  We can be certain of a particular destination until an amazing opportunity or unsuspected loss drives us in the opposite direction.

Life can be so overwhelming we may feel totally lost or alone.  We might even question if God is paying any attention.   Having a human experience, our inner spirit wanders in the darkness until it can restore itself with insight and determination to begin again.

Seldom am I ever where I thought I would be, but I have learned that it is more important to know who I am.  If I know

who I am, I know I will be where I need to be.



Eternity

To clarify "eternal" just a smidge ...

Once the river of time has rounded her final bend,

and the last star in the sky has brightened its last night,

and every child who may ever be conceived

has been given ten thousand names ...

we will have just begun.

The Universe

www.tut.com

For some reason, thoughts of eternity rattle around in my brain.  We hear politicians refer to a future global war having the potential to wipe everyone off the face of this earth which causes great anxiety.  Eckhart Tolle encourages us to stay in the present moment, not in the past and not in the future.  To "BE HERE NOW" (the title of one of his very interesting books).  Without delving into detail, I do believe if we practice being in the now, we will avoid future disaster.



Once the river of time has rounded her final bend ...

Time was created by man to bring order to life.  The sequences of nature, however, are not regulated with a giant clock in the sky.  Nature seems to have an intimate connection with Divine Spirit, trusting everything will fold in its proper way.



and the last star in the sky has brightened its last night ...

Stars have been known to man forever and I sense nature knew them long before man.  We become aware of stars as children and stars continue to cause us 'wonder' throughout our lives. 



and every child who may ever be conceived has been given ten thousand names ...

There are many people who still believe that we are born, we live, and then we die. Nothing more. While others believe we are born, live, die, and then go to heaven.  There are others  who believe we live many lives and have an existence before our life and after our life. 



we will have just begun ...

If we entertain these ideas, we can easily become overwhelmed or anxious, but these very ideas give me hope and a happy heart. 

Abundance in Many Forms

Your most precious, valued possessions and your greatest powers are invisible and intangible. No one can take them. You, and you alone, can give them. You will receive abundance for your giving. ~ W. Clement Stone


A very dear friend of mine was sharing an experience she had in a foreign country with a woman selling her own hand made jewelry.  There was a particular necklace my friend was interested in, but the price was more than my friend could afford.  The woman lowered the price and although the jewelry was well worth it, my friend still could not afford it.  Eventually the two women came to an agreed amount, and continued their conversation.  The woman shared information with my friend about the history of the small town, pointing out significant landmarks, and the decline of their culture.  My friend learned of current raids, rape, and growing fear in the small town. 

When my friend moved along in her journey, she shared the story with fellow travelers and then again back home in the United States.  The skilled jewelry maker was not able to receive the full monetary amount for her work, but through her gift of story telling, she shared her life and culture in an unforgettable way.  In place of money, the woman was now the recipient of numerous prayers for protection, prosperity, and safety.  Daily blessings which are priceless are being sent back to the visited country.

We all need to be mindful of the value of our gifts and talents.  We can assist others in a very satisfying way by giving of our selves without being driven by thoughts of financial return.  We all need to be compensated for our work, but we may end up richer by receiving abundance in one of its many other forms after we have generously given of ourselves.

First Day of Summer

Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation.  If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.  Erma Bombeck


Today is Summer Solstice, the first day of summer.  As a person who does not do well in the heat, I must comment that it seems summer began mid-spring this year.  Flowers and budding bushes or trees all unfolded earlier than usual and were joyfully welcomed by all.  Now, however, there is a lack of rain too early for this coming hot season.

Summer offers children freedom from school and homework; sprinklers or swimming pools; sleeping in or staying up a bit later; sleep overs; visits to relatives; and special summer camps.  My childhood summers were filled with roller skating, playing dress up with old curtains, riding bikes, hopscotch, endless board games or card games, jump rope and sitting under the street lamp waiting for "Jo Jo" the Good Humor Man to jangle his ice cream truck's bells. 

Once it was dark and we grew tired of catching fire flies, we all returned to our respective homes.  Sticky from a long day of play in the hot sun, a nice long bath washed all of the ice cream streaks and dirt away.  Clean sheets from the clothes line and fresh pajamas were the perfect ending to a long hot day of play.

In the summer night, my bedroom window would be open and through the screen I could smell the lilac bush outside.  I could hear the music from the carousal from Kiddie Land several blocks away.  I could also hear cheers from crowds at Thillens Little League as scoring runs were batted in. 

There was something peaceful about a summer night.  Maybe having the window open let me feel connected to the great world outside.  I would fall asleep knowing the beautiful stars were twinkling brightly and the magical moon gently crossed the sky.  I was certain they would be there again for me night after night, hanging in the summer sky.

The Higher the Climb, The Greater the Fall

I don't ever remember them telling us or teaching us that the only way we could be more successful is if other people were less successful.  They never inculcated the belief that somehow, in order for us to climb the ladder, other people have to come down from the ladder.   ~ Mark Rubio


When I was a child, a priest or minister spoke the words of God and therefore, never questioned.  The family doctor's diagnosis was not to be scrutinized and never would a family seek a second opinion.  Politicians ruled the world without being held responsible for decisions nor actions.

In today's world, the internet is a super highway for information.  Very little happens or goes undetected, leaving very little room for moral discretion.  It is my observation that the more public you are, the greater the risk of both temptation and discovery.

We are all human beings which equates to having both strengths and weaknesses.  The trouble seems to begin with the ego becoming inflated creating an attitude of being above others and not having an equal playing field.  Phrases like, "It's a dog eat dog world," does not hold truth for me.

Years ago, I read a magazine article about two men who were both millionaires ... I suppose by now they are both billionaires.
One millionaire reflected a world of success but 'beating out' others and competiveness requiring him to 'step on other peoples toes'.  It was no surprise to read that he felt it was very lonely on the top and continuously felt the need for high security as protection from younger partners, competitors, and employees.  The other millionaire stated how thankful he was for loyal employees and grateful for his mentors.  He claimed that his success had been a group effort which he could have never accomplished on his own.  He reciprocated kindness to workers who fell on hard times, by paying unexpected medical bills or assisting with other life challenges.  Once when the economy took a dive, he was destressed to lay workers off for a week, but repaid them with bonuses when times turned good.  When one of the factories burned to the ground, the majority of the employees voluntarily appeared every day to help with the clean up and new construction.  When asked, employees shared their sense of family within the business.

As human beings, we all have choice.  We each decide how we want to navigate through life.  Those few who make it to the top of the ladder with ego billowing in the clouds seem to eventually topple ... politicians, men of the cloth, doctors, athletes, and even you and me.  There is nothing wrong with competition, if it is honest.  There is nothing wrong with being driven as long as it hurts no one.  It is lonely at the top of the ladder only when we have lost touch with our fellow human beings.

If we truly respect each other, celebrate our diversity, and maintain a personal code of conduct surely our world could be thriving, healthy, and peaceful.  If we join our ladders together we reduce the risk of a great fall.

Author of Our Own Life

If you do not breathe through writing,

if you do not cry out in writing,

or sing in writing,

then don't write,

because our culture has no use for it.

Anais Nin

Writing can be very intimidating, but it also can be very freeing. I am most attracted to personal writing as we are author of our own life.  We live according to what we personally perceive, sense, intuit, experience, and believe.  We react and act through our own personal filters.  The written word gives testimony of life itself.

Our writing can be:  lists, notes, diaries, letters, journals, articles, or books to name but a few.  Some insist upon the hand written word with special pens, where as others exclusively use a computer. People use spiral notebooks, composition books, fine linen stationary or keep files on their computer.   I believe writers need to honor the method that works best for them.

Many people have said to me, "I want to write, but I don't have the skill." If we are alive, we have something worth sharing and we don't need a special skill!  I encourage others to write just for personal pleasure rather than trying to perfect words for publication.  In time, a writer may or may not want to broaden the audience.

Giving testimony of our life can be a liberation from the past or self-imposed limitations.  Our words placed into a safe place can be a wonderful mental health remedy.  We can scream, laugh, and express any and every emotion that is otherwise held within causing stress, anxiety or disease. 

As the author of our own life, what we write definitely helps our selves, but also can benefit others.  By sharing a personal story encouragement can be offered to others.  The reporting of a struggle can inspire an other to seek help or not feel so alone.  To use the voice to speak truth, those who hear can stretch and grow. 

My passion is the written word.  If I can touch but one life with my words, my mission has been fulfilled.

Invitation

God enters by a private door into every individual.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

I throw open the door inviting spirit in, hoping to make sense of  the turmoil within.  I gaze outside and breathe the calm in,
slowing the undercurrent causing this spin. 

The churning recedes as spirit gently enters in, opening my heart for love to come in.  Too easily I forget all that I know, losing my way and forgetting to grow.

I coax my glow back into a flame and I can feel my inner fires burning strongly again.  I have so much farther to go, to plant little seeds which will sprout long after I am gone, now realizing this is the way wisdom is often passed down.

We send our prayers and ask for blessings, but too frequently forget to leave open the door for Divine Spirit to enter in.  If we extend an invitation for spirit to come and be our invited guest, our lives will be happier and filled with bliss. 

Get Out of the Way!

The strength of a woman is not measured by the impact that all her hardships in life have had on her;  but the strength of a woman is measured by the extent of her refusal to allow those hardships to dictate her and who she becomes.

C. JoyBell C.

 

By the end of my senior year in high school, I had learned that everyone had a cross to bear.  I also learned that a time would come to pick up the cross and carry it. 

I dragged my cross around for many years trying to find healing and probably attention as well.  I grew very tired of the effort it took and those around me grew very tired of hearing about it.

Unfortunately, I assumed that carrying my cross would be the solution, not understanding that it was just another step in a long process.  Although it is easier to pick up and carry a cross rather than drag it, it remains heavy and impedes progress.

Eventually the thought of setting down my cross floated across my consciousness, but my cross was an identity and a label.  Even though I no longer needed the cross, it was too frightening to consider who I might be without it.

After a while, I unburdened my self in a safe space and gathered the courage to move forward.  I felt lighter without the cross and became amazed at how much easier it was to navigate without it. 

One treads lightly after such a burden, but healing awakens the spirit and the willingness to run the risk of living life again.  Forgiveness welcomes the warm sun that brightens the dark within, encouraging the heart to open again.

Refusal to allow our past to dictate our present or future strengthens the spirit.  The biggest obstacle is our self.  We must learn to get out of our own way. 

Lay down your cross ... your baggage ... your guilt ... your grief ... or whatever it is you are dragging around.  Get out of your own way and start living again!

Far from Done

No wise man ever wished to be younger.

Jonathan Swift

We went on a day trip to take in an art festival in a small town a few hours away from our home.  I had not visited this town since my college days.  Walking near the river, placing my feet on the same sidewalk cracks, and recognizing the old buildings had me spiraling back into my past.

The last time I stood before this store, my hair was a luscious brown draping half-way down my back.  I was slim and my belly was still flat.  My body was well tanned and I felt as light as the breeze.  I faced the future with undaunted courage and wild anticipation.

Back then I wasn't aware of my gypsy blood, my need to travel so many miles.  I was not thinking of children let alone birthing four!  I did not believe in divorce, and never thought it would come knocking at my door.  My world was all external hiding what I thought was my unworthy self deep within my core.  I was not aware of my strengths nor prepared for what all life had in store.

And here I am today, leaning against this same old tree pondering what all has happened to me.  Resilience and writing remain with me, but my gregarious and aggressive ways have long time fallen away.  I wonder what would have happened if back then my life had been shown to me ... fast forwarded glimpsing the rise and fall of so many masks of me ... what if anything would I have changed?

No, I have no desire to go back.  I don't want to change a thing for if I did, would it not be like a domino effect with one thing changing another?  I could run the risk of making other mistakes while correcting the now obvious ones.  And is anything truly a mistake?   I think not.  Mistakes are building blocks or catalysts for change.

 I will forgive my self for things I have carelessly said or done or even left undone.  I will embrace all of my parts from over the years into this one solid sum.  It has been a reflective journey and actually far from done. 

Wandering in the Morning

My garden of flowers is also my garden of thoughts and dreams.
The thoughts grow as freely as the flowers, and the dreams are as beautiful.  ~ Abram L. Urban



The temperature is predicted to be high today, so early this morning I sought solitude outside.  I sat on the deck admiring all of the colors spreading across my view.  Then I brought my gaze back to each and every container, enjoying the uniqueness of each plant. 



Then I wandered out into the back yard passing the perennial garden.  I wish the peonies lasted all summer like they do in my childhood memories.  The Lily of the Valley needs to be thinned and the Iris as well.  The Day Lilies are flaunting their colors and the sage is still strong.  The roses remain fragrant.



I slowly examine the three tomato plants that will be our source for this summer.  They are all bountiful and I anxiously await their sweet warm taste straight from the vine.



The little stone bench is waiting for me against the big old tree.  My youngest son gifted it to me so many years ago, and it beckons me like an old friend.  Sitting in the very back of the yard, I take in the fresh grass smell from its recent mowing.  The neighbors have their sprinkler going and the sound adds to the backdrop of birds chirping and squirrels racing around like they were crazy.



The neighbors yard is comparative to glancing at a well used painter's palette.  It is swarming with color and a sight to behold.  They have a bench well hidden in the back of the yard, surrounded by flowering bushes such as the Rose of Sharon.



I find myself to be totally relaxed and thankful for these quiet morning moments before I begin my day.  I begin to drift into day dreams, speculating as to where my children might be.  I slide back in time recalling when they were all so little with hearts and minds filled with innocence and imagination.  How I loved those days.  



I am overly joyful for all that I have ... to be loved and to love, family, friends who have grown to be family, sisters of my heart, free time, health, gifts and talents.  My life is like this yard of flowers, dotted with spectacular color and design.  My heart is filled with gratitude!

Behold this woman named Mel ...

Sometimes you have to be apart from people you love,

but that doesn't make you love them any less.

Sometimes you love them more.

Nicholas Sparks, The Last Song

Melanie, on the surface, is a gentle and polite young woman.  She has long curling blond hair and a delicate face graced with simplistic beauty.  It is in her gentle eyes that I first began to sense that there was much more under the first impressions.

Women are complex creatures, and Mel is definitely multifaceted.  Raised on a farm in Ohio, she attended college in California, and did social work in Chicago.  She has a deep reverence for seniors that is equally bestowed upon animals.

One of her many gifts is working with Mother Nature.  She creates exquisite floral arrangements that are uniquely designed as well as displayed.  She has ten green thumbs that make quick work out of any yard or garden using color, dimension, and a natural grace to the requested task.  She has an inner sense that connects people with their own style and space.

In relationship with Andy, her husband, Melanie is tender, loving, and kind appropriately tempered with humor and strong will.  In friendship, Mel is giving, undemanding, thoughtful and supportive.  She is an excellent natural cook being very health conscious with grains and veggies. She is a 'sister of the heart' and someone who could never be replaced.

Before  imagining her as some piece of fluff or delicate flower, allow me to bring balance to her creative feminine side.  Dear sweet Mel can drive a tractor, tinker with engines, and address electrical wiring.  She has a strong physical strength residing within her slim built frame. 

This last January on the 20th (I'll check that date with Andy),

I had the priviledge of witnessing the birth of their daughter, Juniper Rose (yes, named after my daughter).  Mel's labor persisted all through one day and half way through the night.  The strength of her determination and physical endurance indeed were remarkable.  Although I have given birth to the total of four, watching the birth of this beautiful and healthy babe moved me beyond all imagination. 

As a mother, Melanie is captivated by the miracle of her little child.  She is open to learning, overcomes the imperfections associated with motherhood, and blankets this child in love.  She is a Mama Bear to this baby cub, and I sure wouldn't want to mess with her!

Without being irreverent, I could almost visualize this young woman as a Madonna.  Like some women have been categorized in history,  Melanie presents as a gentle spirit of this world and of that which hovers beyond.  She is a special blend of sweetness and the salt of the earth.  I honor her own birth and celebrate her life as distance has made me love her more.

Loving Maddie ...

 

 It is so rare ...

to find a person,

with a soul, a heart and an imagination;

so rare for characters as ardent and restless

as ours to meet and to be matched together,

that I hardly know how to tell you

what happiness it gives me to know you.

Hector Berlioz

There is criticism in reference to the next generation, but I think that is always the case.  We do our selves a favor by remembering that much of what we read is reporting on the negative or extreme behaviors of only a small percentage of the next generation.  I have the privilege of being around the other percentage of the next generation and I know the future is safely being placed into their out stretched and willing hands.

And so Maddie is turning 21 while on a summer college mission trip traveling through foreign countries I will personally never see.  She is well prepared as she has built in compassion, curiosity, and an open heart. 

One might not notice her in the group as she can be rather reserved, but her deep rich brown eyes would hold you still.

Her thick dark curly hair frequently hides her intriguing beauty while her glasses tend to hide the intensity of her thoughts lurking behind those eyes.

Maddie is attending college on an athletic scholarship, and her intelligence is readily noticeable.  She is mature beyond her age although playful in spirit.  Her intensity is not just about learning, but more about understanding.  She desires to dig deeper, beyond the surface to discover the roots to any of life's behaviors.  She seems to have a diligent desire to truly understand any given situation either to enhance it or to remove it.

Reading books is a shared interest Maddie and I have.  She is eager to share what she has discovered and whether or not she agrees. Much to my delight, she has also shared her poetry with me which reflects the depth of her feelings and her yearning to understand all of life.  Her choice in words and phrases builds a lovely cadence to support her emotions and observations.

Chances are good you will never meet Maddie, but you can be assured that it is safe to place the future in her most capable hands.  There are many more like her in this new generation, but Maddie happens to be the one that has touched my heart and brought me both hope and happiness when things went dark. 

More Valuable than Gold ...

A woman is like a tea bag ~

you can't tell how strong she is

until you put her in hot water.

Eleanor Roosevelt

Women have always been strong emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually.  It just has not always been highlighted in the Bible or history, except for what I would term as token examples or descriptions in generalities.

Women have a physical endurance that stretches throughout the day and then grows more elastic to gather in additional responsibilities with family schedules and sometimes as caretakers to seniors in the family.  Daily activities can span across a variety of tasks.

It seems that women apply their emotions to solving problems and may give more time to resolution options.   Women can be very analytical and strategic in order to navigate through a day or through life.  They are assisted by 'gut instinct' or intuition which is used more often than realized.

Women have always held a spiritual aspect of themselves whether displayed religiously or not.  Routines frequently reflect a need for special moments as in lighting candles, gifting flowers, securing girls night out, exercise or what can be considered as 'down time' or a time for nurturing the self.

Women can be very diverse and still create a sacred space to embrace friendship or sisterhood.  Usually, we physically meet a woman and then experience how she thinks and reacts.  A sense of bonding is frequently established where the spiritual self can unfold.

It is through this body, mind, and spirit process we discover the very core of each other.  Through experience, we create a weaving together and test the strength of the thread that binds us.  If it holds or supports us through thick and thin, the weaving will become a life time masterpiece more valuable than gold! 

Balloon of Hope

She thinks of the prayers as balloons and sees them squiggling up through the atmosphere just the clouds, trailing string.  Balloons of hope.  A prayer is nothing if not a balloon of hope.

Anita Shreve, The Last Time We Met

Prayers can be of many forms, but I had not thought of them as balloons before.  I like the brightly colored image however, and the buoyant ascension into the sky.  Rarely do I think of a prayer on a super jet speeding up through the clouds.

One country music star claims "My best gifts have been unanswered prayers."  This reasoning makes me cautious and mindful of my intentions for my self as well as others, as I truly do not know what is the best for any one. 

I guess this is why my intentions sent into the higher realm for all situations to be considered take form of love, light, and energy.   I send love, light, and energy for the person to use in whatever way they deem appropriate.  The beholder can decide to get stronger to live or to transition.  I clearly do not want to manipulate or control any outcome that is not mine to make.

Maybe balloons can be messengers and symbols for hope.  Balloons will take on a little higher meaning for me now.  I will feel immediately uplifted when I spy one in the sky!