Silencing Ego

Anytime there is a struggle between doing what is actually right and doing what seems right, then your ego is interfering with your decision.   ~Darren L. Johnson


One day I was talking to a person who inquired about Reiki.
I was in a good mood and a relaxed social situation, so I dove in head first into the conversation.  However, my focus was not on Reiki.  It was on: "I" experience ... "I" can feel ... "I" can see ..., etc.   The person inquired about Reiki, but instead of describing Reiki, "I" was allowing ego to monopolize the conversation.  Without ego, the conversation would have been about  how "you" would feel,  what "you" might experience or how energy work might impact "you".   Energy work is not

about 'me' no matter how good "I" am.   I am blessed to be a vessel for energy....a hollow pipe .... a vehicle for energy to pass through.


So if I talk less and listen more I am enabled to actually hear when ego takes over.  One must be aware of the dominating ego prior to silencing it.

In another conversation with someone who did not know me very well brought up the subject of dreams. I have studied dreams for years, tracked my dreams daily, and have

done workshops and lectures on dreams which this woman obviously did not know.  So this novice was speculating about

dreams.  Ego bristles and the temptation is to say, "Well, let me tell you ...." but I recognized ego's desire to be important.  I also realized that the other woman would have been  embarrassed.  So my 'higher self' ignored ego and remained a good listener.

There is always choice and if we choose to let ego run over others, we are generally serving our selves and not honoring others.   So we endeavor to keep our motivation for what is best for the other, in this particular situation, rather than for our selves.

Another area where ego runs rampant is with our children or grandchildren or friends.  How many times have we said, "I have told them numerous times about .... and they don't listen." Then when the unfortunate situation comes true, we want to say,  "hmmmm, haven't 'I' told you this would happen. ?"

So that is ego seeking its own glory, not having the other person's best interest at heart. 

Instead of always having an "I" answer, it is sometimes best to ask questions: What do you think your best option is? What do you think you can afford to do? Can you break the problem down into steps?   See how the focus shifts and empowers the other person?  So the response comes with comfort rather than  "my right' answers.

There is a process in learning how to silence the ego.  Here is a glimpse of how the transition can unfold:

Know that ego shouldn't be dominant

Listen to yourself

Be aware of  when it happens (with certain people, situations)

Stop in mid-sentence and redirect by eliminating "I"

Redirect by asking questions of the other person

Practice and ego grows silent

We all have the obligation to speak our truth and to use our voice.   There are certain times, however,  when being humble and allowing our self to "be still" or witness without input increases the bond between children, grandchildren or friends.

 

Holes in the side of the barn ...

Ultimately the bond of all companionship,

whether in marriage or in friendship,

is conversation.

Oscar Wilde



Women tend to master companionship to a greater degree than men.  Perhaps it is the physical expressions that accompany female conversations like a pat on the hand or a hug.  Then there are the little gifts, maybe unexpected flowers or a nice bottle of wine or a surprise card received in the mail.  So easily one's spirit can be lifted by a simple gesture of a dear friend.

The skills of communication are imperative such as:  acceptance without judgment, compassion without refrain, and listening without resolution.  Most people when in need of a friend are not necessarily looking for resolve, but rather just needing to hear themselves think out loud or just be heard.  Any friend must know how to just sit and be present for the other ... no special mantra or chant is required.

There is a need to let the bad with the good come tumbling out, knowing that the dear friend will never throw it back into your face.   Author John Gray states, "When negative feelings are suppressed, positive feelings become suppressed as well, and love dies."  Relationships frequently end through lack of healthy communication while participants scratch their heads wondering what happened. "What did I say?"  Sometimes it is what you didn't say.

When I was in high school, my beloved home room teacher, Vernoy Johnson gave me an illustration that I remember to this day.  He told me that words were like arrows being shot into the side of a barn.  He said that you can pull the arrows out once they had been shot, but the holes in the side of the barn would remain forever. 

So often we are careless with our words.  We say things out of anger that we really don't mean or refrain from saying meaningful feelings that might alter the destination of a friendship.  If in friendship we do not confront each other, imaginary walls are built, and healing may never occur.  I wonder how many friendships fall by the way side over simple misunderstandings.

While reviewing our lives, I am certain that other than family memories, our tender moments are laced with happy recalls of friendship.  We probably can think of funny situations, embarrassing moments, or heart to heart talks shared with best buddies.  A dear friend is priceless.  Unconditional love, gentle gestures, and simple acts of kindness allow us to enter the healing light of friendship.  An established arena of safety is where our friends stand, calling to us, "Well, come on!  Well come on!"