Loving in the Moment

To Cherish Your Beloved

When we know that the person we love is impermanent, we will cherish our beloved all the more.  Impermanence teaches us to respect and value every moment and all the precious things around us and inside of us.  When we practice mindfulness of impermanence, we become fresher and more loving.

Thich Nhat Hanh
YOUR TRUE HOME


It is not easy to love all of the time, especially those who are closest to us.  Somehow it is easier to find fault with the ones we love the most, and that is just not right.

When I am with my grandchildren, I find myself to be far more lenient than when I was raising my own kids.  While visiting, I find myself fully present in the moment.  I listen carefully to what they say, try to respond with good comments, and really try to reflect the love I feel for them.

Unfortunately, in many of our most important relationships, we drop the ball.  We seem to develop the attitude that 'they' will understand ... over and over again.  We perhaps say unfiltered things to them that we would never dare say to a stranger or close friend.  This makes no sense to me, and yet it is sadly true. 

There are many old sayings:  "Don't cry over spilt milk!  Don't go to bed angry!  Don't let these be the last words you speak."  Far too many times I have heard people crying over the death of a loved one while saying, "The last words I said to him were awful and I never kissed him good-bye!"

The point is not to tolerate misbehavior nor withhold disappointment, but to use appropriate words for a loved one.  We can make our point just as easily using a calm and loving voice rather than shouting with anger.  Even when we have unfinished business, we can still temper it with love.  Instead of a cold shoulder, we could be mindful of how much we do love this individual, and give them a hug saying, "I really need to think this over."    This keeps the door to communication open and we are not adding to the already long list of complaints.

Thich Nhat Hanh suggests by staying in the moment, remembering that we are all impermanent, we will cherish our loved ones more.  So it becomes important to treat each other with loving respect, letting the minor offenses fall, as we keep our hearts and minds open.  It becomes most important that our loved ones are continuously told how much they are loved.

"Oh, they know how much I love them," is what many folks say, but people want to hear the loving words and not assume.
In remembering impermanence, we learn to reframe what we say:  "I love you dearly, but I do not like your behavior.  I cannot imagine my life without you, but I cannot agree to these decisions."  So there is a balance to what we say, and it is said calmly with love.  It is honest communication that aligns us.

In each present moment, I will try to be mindful of my own impermanence.  I will endeavor to cherish the good in every one and all things hopefully becoming fresher and more loving.