Dreading Mother's Day

"God knows that a mother needs fortitude and courage and tolerance

and flexibility and patience and firmness and nearly every other brave

aspect of the human soul."

Phyllis McGinely

Inspirational quotes are everywhere for Mother's Day, but very few address the scars, loss, and heartache experienced by some mothers.  Situations created by a miscarriage, childhood illness, divorce or dysfunctional families are not recognized in the lofty celebration.  

We carry with us the imprint of our own mother whether it is positive or negative.  Our experience shades our own ability to parent.  With unavailable ways to honor the mother who has lost a child, many women dread Mother's day.  The childless, the abandoned, and the elder may not be as jubilant as society promotes this seemingly sacred day.

It helps if we set healthy boundaries for ourselves.  If the family gather rips a wound wide open, then perhaps he or she should not attend.  Promote self-value by recalling purposeful times throughout life which did  highlight a challenging life.  During the holiday, gather with kindred spirits who will lift us up and remind us how to thrive.  If we have been lost in the pace of society and children cannot return home, in memory revisit times that were loving and kind.

(Thoughts promoted by Bethany Webster, THE MOTHER'S WOUND)

Knee Jerk Reaction

"When you do the work, you will experience more inner freedom,

more joy, less anxiety and a real sense of how powerful you actually are."

Bethany Webster

The Mother Wound

If we approach inner work with a sense of adventure, we navigate through darkness anticipating the discovery of something good.  As we unfold our lovely selves, fear may crop up in our belly to discourage us.  But, is it really fear or is it excitement?  

If we are a fear based person, we may associate many other feelings with fear rather than excitement.  Fear is a natural response for some of us, so we need to reframe the scenario. Imagine pushing a door open, and a rush of fresh air hits our face ... but we keep on moving forward through the door.  The same is true for some situations with fear.

In an unfamiliar situation like a new a gathering we may experience what we call fear, but if we push forward it really may be excitement.  When we readily connect with someone we do not know, we may feel fear but is it blanketing the true response of anticipation?  Fear can be a knee jerk response so we need to slow our selves down, dipping a little deeper into our emotions.  To realize the over use of fear, one becomes more confident and connected.

You are loved ... Your are seen ... You are worthy ...

"For me, overwhelm and struggle were how I survived my childhood."

Bethany Webster

The Mother Wound

The holidays come with a bag of mixed emotions.  Between what we repress and what we fail to offer, we find our lovely selves to be ungrounded and unbalanced ... shaming the self.  Even when deep rooted trauma has been safely surfaced, triggers remain everywhere, whether it is santa, a Christmas tree or Holiday song.  

"For me, overwhelm and struggle were how I survived my childhood. Feeling alert, scanning for crises and problems helped me feel safe.   In the absence of a loving, present adult, I was hyper-vigilant.  Like a little adult, I learned, 'I have to take care of everyone always.'   It was a role  I carried out diligently as I felt my survival depended on it. It caused me to become the 'good girl', the 'over achiever', and 'super woman'.  The shadow side of this was that I didn't know how to rest, have good boundaries or say 'No'."  This was written by Bethany Webster, author of The Mother Wound.

The competing thrust to buy materialistic goods acts as a buffer to our emotions.  We distract ourselves with agendas and business.  I have heard many women state they are never 'done' until there is no more time remaining.  Exhaustion often follows which disallows us even further to effectively cope with what remains hidden. Create a small ritual to bring a sense of sacredness back into your soul.  Light a small tea light every night before bed in honor of your life.  Jot down three things you are grateful for or whisper a prayer of thanksgiving for being who you are.  You are loved ... You are seen ... You are worthy ...

A Place To Feel Safe

"A place where you always feel safe within yourself."

Bethany Webster

Bethany Webster is an excellent presenter and writer zeroing in on the process of assisting the inner child.  Her theme is Mother Wound which is an umbrella to cover a multitude of lessons received  as a child from our mothers.  She stresses the need to create a 'safe place within' our selves.

It is ironic we spend the majority of life seeking a safe place outside of ourselves.  Perhaps we confide in it a family member or educational role model or a religious advocate, rather than cultivating our unique shelter within ourselves.

The fault is not seeking help, but the tendency for our person of choice to become our hero or guru who doesn't direct us back into our own individual strengths.  We are the witness to our lives and we are always the first person 'at the scene', so it makes sense that we become our best advocate while facing the challenges of life.  Our efforts need to be directed inward towards creating a strong hold where we will always feel safe.