Repeatable War

Look at every path closely and deliberately.

Try it as many times as you think necessary.

Then ask yourself, and yourself alone ...

Does this path have a heart?  If it does,

the path is good.  If it doesn't, it is of no use.

Carlos Castaneda

This morning I was reading Mark Nepo's THE BOOK OF AWAKENING and he was discussing Reflex or Response.  It helped the readers explore whether or not we act out from patterns learned to protect ourselves or reply authentically from our heart.  To know the answer, we can monitor what we say and do.  We decidedly pay attention to how we react ... with deep consideration or immediate reaction.  We must create a pause just prior to our verbal and physical reactions to discover the truth of our actions.

"But sooner or later, we all arrive at moments where the very thing that has saved us is killing us, keeping us from truly living.  Being invisible once kept us from being hurt, but now we are vanishing.  Or listening once kept us in relation, but now we are drowning in our unheard cries.  Or avoiding conflict once kept us out of the line of fire, but now we are thirsting for contact that is real."  THE BOOK OF AWAKENING by Mark Nepo

Throughout life we transition in and out of cycles.  This is why life is frequently symbolized with a spiral.  We keep circulating around and around, and up and down, repeating lessons and learning new.  Sometimes the questions remain the same and we find ourselves wondering if we respond with different answers in the midst of changing circles or if we automatically react with thoughtless responses.

In childhood, it is obvious to our parents when our clothes no longer fit physically.  School guidance counselors help us to determine which classes best prepare us mentally for our career path.  Unfortunately, we are on our own in discerning when our protective barriers need to be emotionally adjusted, lowered, or permanently removed.  Friends, seminars, careers, and life experiences open our eyes to change, but only our heart knows the authenticity of our reaction and ability to stand appropriately vulnerable in our world. 

Mark Nepo states:  "We are, each of us, in a repeatable war between defending ourselves from hurts that happened long ago and opening in innocence, again and again, to the unexpected touch of life."

This sounds like such a huge risk for us to take, but if we are not willing to step out from behind our protective wall, we miss wonderful landscapes that could offer the opportunity to enrichen our lives and souls.