To Be Seen and Not Heard ...

In our contacts it is probably the sense of being

really needed and wanted which gives us

the greatest satisfaction

and creates the most lasting bond.

Eleanor Roosevelt

Many of us were raised without the sense of having any needs.  As children, we were told to 'be seen and not heard'.  We were to be grateful for what we had and to ask for nothing; but as breathing human beings, we all have needs. 

So many of us grew up meeting the needs of others.  We were taught how to serve and obey.  Our goal became to meet all of the needs that a family may have.  And by doing so, we were unaware of the damage we were doing to our spirit.  We felt depleted without any thing left to offer.  We could not then feel desirable.

Ignoring our personal needs, we lavish attention on others.  We make others feel loved and adored.  Therapists would most likely tell us that our motivation for 'loving so well' was based on our own need to be loved.  Perhaps our subconscious was convincing us that if we loved someone totally, we would be secure in not ever being replaced.  Unfortunately, we who learn to adore our love, frequently fade and become invisible, hidden in our lover's light.

As in all things there must be a balance.  Harmony is created when each person is extending energy.  Through a healthy relationship, we help to support the dreams and needs of each other. 

To some degree, we all want to be recognized and heard.  We want to speak our truth and share our dreams.  Physical touch is imperative for infants, children, teens, adults, and the elderly to thrive.  Hugs are needed by everyone. 

Whether we are coupled or living alone, our needs can be met.  First, determine what individual needs are.  Second, imagine how these needs can realistically be met.  Third, create a plan of action as to how needs can best be met. 

Determining our individual needs can be done through conversations with a close friend or through journaling.  Writing down our random thoughts, quite often leads to discovery.  Meeting our needs can be addressed through support groups, memberships, adventures or planning a gathering of favorite people.  When we spend time with folks we care about, it enables us to become more aware of what we want more or less of.  Taking action always pulls us out of a funk or the role of a victim.  If we do not have a circle of friends, discover trusted energy workers or massage therapists in the community.  Where there is a will, there is a way.

We need to extend the same quality of loving kindness to our own mental and emotional health that we give to our family or friends.  We provide much better friendships when we first nurture our inner self.

Be nice to you!