Silence Not Allowed

Trust that little voice in your head that says

'Wouldn't it be interesting if ... '

And then do it.

Duane Michals

This season seems to be playing havoc with my sinuses and allergies.  When I don't ward off the headache early on, it tends to slop over into a migraine.  Once the pain gets ahead of me, I can be down for hours.

Louise L. Hay states that headaches occur when "Invalidating the self.  Self-criticism. Fear."  She suggests we use an affirmation such as:  "I love and approve of myself.  I see myself and what I do with eyes of love.  I am safe."  Of migraine headaches she reports, "Dislike of being driven.  Resisting the flow of life.  Sexual fears."  The recommended affirmation: "I relax into the flow of life and let life provide all that I need easily and comfortably.  Life is for me."

Others report migraines stem from repressed anger.  This, of course, is a subject I know only to well.  As a child, I cringed at loud voices, arguments, fighting, and any display of anger.  I vowed to myself I would never be angry.  So as a re-frame, I would say my feelings were hurt rather than embracing the human emotion,  anger.  All I was doing was repressing all of my anger inside of me.  This does damage on several levels ... body, mind, and spirit. 

This last year I spent some time exploring my angry feelings.  I then gave my lovely self permission to use my voice in expressing my anger.  Wow, was I ever surprised.  Instead of experiencing repercussions I discovered a sense of freedom and closure.  The problem was brought out into the open, addressed, and resolved.  It was all a matter of using my voice in an appropriate manner and being willing to listen to the other side.  All those years of repressing my feelings out of fear did more harm than simply voicing my anger.

The voice is an incredible tool and it is amazing when a person is blessed with the gift of song. The voice, however,  needs to be used for expression whether in the written word or outloud.  We should not allow ourselves to be silenced.

In his book, THE BOOK OF AWAKENING, Mark Nepo reflects:  "For even if no one hears us, it is the act of speaking that frees us."  We can express our words through any of the arts (painting, writing, singing, lyrics to music or poems, dance, etc... )  The experience is liberating, so much more fun than suffering a pounding headache.

Writing, My Forever Friend

                                                Write what disturbs you,

what you fear,

what you have not been willing to speak about.

Be willing to be split open.

Natalie Goldberg

Writing Down the Bones: Freeing the Writer Within

If you have any interest in writing, get your self acquainted with Natalie Goldberg.  She in not only an excellent writer, she is an inspiration to those wanting to write.  While reading her endless material, you instantly feel connected with a personal mentor. 

A few years ago, local writers joined together to form a weekly writer's forum.  Although some of us were strangers to each other, we seemed to bond right away.  All of us liked to write, and we seemed to have a different focus ... fantasy, poetry, memoirs, non-fiction  ... so there was never any competitiveness.  On the contrary, the support we received from each other was amazing. 

While attending the writer's forum a fellow writer Becky, now living in New Zealand, taught me how to set up a blog.  Once I began posting, I never stopped.  I post every day about familiar subjects that randomly appear in that scary place known only to myself ... my mind.

In grade school, I developed the love for writing.  By the summer between 7th and 8th grade, I had written two novels.  In high school, my writing turned very dark and was a more cryptic style of  off-beat poetry.  I only wrote when I found my mind to be in a very dark and lonely place, which unfortunately was often. 

Once in college, my writing expanded.  Even though I had kept diaries since mid-grade school, my writing demanded more and more time and space.  I seemed to write everywhere and anywhere.  I was encouraged by a few professors to take my writing a little more seriously and to focus on journalism.  I graduated with a double major in Psychology-Sociology and used my skills writing case manager notes and court documents.

As the years crept by, I continued my love for writing.  I have numerous journals spanning over my life.  With my love for typing which I developed in high school, the computer took me flying as fast as my fingers could go.  I began printing e-mails of correspondence or articles of interest and saving them in binders.  For seven years, I kept deliberate journals tracking my dreams. 

Smaller journals were wonderful to take on trips or to slide into my purse.  There never seemed to be a question of what to write as much as there was the question of when I could write.  These smaller journals held different writings like quick insights or topics I wanted to follow up on or an author recommended for a great new book.

Now, of course, my iPad has been added to the mix.  It seems to be my forever friend, willing and waiting to just accept what I have to write or to link me to cyber space in quest of something in particular. 

Everyone can write interesting material.  It isn't about sentence structure and punctuations, it is about whatever sits in your soul.  Everyone has something to say and writing is the avenue to say it.  Even if your writing never sees the light of day and is kept locked in a drawer, the words need to sprawl across the page!

Upon the Lips

Language is wine

upon the lips.

Virginia Woolf

There is incredible power in words and even when spoken innocently, words have the power to do harm.   There is also incredible power in words to uplift, support, honor and respect.  It is necessary to be responsible for our words and how we choose to use them.

Just like wine, language offers a wide selection.  There is sweet or bold,  fruit tasting or woody blends, and expensive or cheap.  Wine can be found in unique bottles with corks or in small pints with screw on caps.  Words are wrapped in all kinds of coverings as well.

Wine is intended to be sipped and words are best used when they have been lingered over.  Too much wine has consequences just as rushing too many words can offend.  Establishing a healthy pace is best for both wine and words.

The importance of words is discovered with the art of expression.  Finding voice and articulating opinions, values or wisdom is of major importance for all people.  Reflecting our unique self through writing, art or the spoken word is of importance, as expressing ourselves is a testimony to our living. 

Along the Way ...

Anger is a signal, and one worth listening to.  Our anger may be a message that we are being hurt, that our rights are being violated, that our needs or wants are not being adequately met, or simply that something is not right.

Harriet Goldhor Lerner, Ph.D.
THE DANCE OF ANGER



As children, we have opportunities to observe adults acting out in anger.  We may not yet have the depth to understand all of the components of the situation, but we very well may decide we never want to act in this manner. 

As children, we do not always realize anger is an acceptable form of our feelings.  We do not always realize it is the behavior in how we express anger that becomes a critical piece of the situation and not anger itself. 

There is nothing wrong with being angry, but abusive physical or emotional reaction to anger is clearly unacceptable.  If we did not learn appropriate means of expressing anger as a child, then we need to learn it as an adult. 

If we consider anger to be 'wrong' then we may repress it and in doing so, we may create issues with anger physically or mentally.  Repressed anger can damage the body, mind and spirit. 

We have the right to speak our truth, as we see it, even if we are incorrect.  We develop a sense of voice that does not need to be elevated or threatening to make our point.  Channeling our anger in appropriate ways can be healthy.

If we are not allowed to speak our truth for fear of being fired, or harmed, or placed at a disadvantage, we still need a means to express our feelings.  We need a safe place to express what we feel whether it is a trusted friend or a private journal. 

Along the way, we discover by expressing our anger, we can avoid major crisis or chaos in many of our relationships.  If we let our anger build up, we will have a greater tendency to say what we don't mean or do what we abhor.

While we develop our voice, we will find it advantageous to create a partnership with a good listener.  Maintain clear boundaries and honor each others confidences.  We need to keep searching until we find a person of trust.