Recognizing Parts of Self

I feel like I've never had a home. You know? I feel related to the country, to this country, and yet I don't know exactly where I fit in. And the same thing applies to the theater. I don't know exactly how well I fit into the scheme of things. Maybe that's good, you know, that I'm not in a niche. But there's always this kind of nostalgia for a place, a place where you can reckon with yourself. Now I've found that what's most valuable about that place is not the place itself but the other people; that through other people you can find a recognition of each other. I think that's where the real home is.

SAM SHEPARD               

There were two observations shared with me by two different friends over 30 years ago.  Both assessments were mentioned in a positive way.  For some reason, both statements remained affirmations helping me to be aware of the importance of perceptions.

Each and every one of us are multi-faceted, but rarely pay attention to the small things, the little things making our personality or character unique.  Some of our strengths we take for granted, being so used to having them we falsely assume others have the same abilities when in reality they do not.  They have their own strengths and their own weaknesses.

Although these two statements were made by people unknown to each other  during two different stages of my life, the comments support each other and have helped me be more gentle with my self.  The descriptions of my self allowed me to re-frame what I had considered to be negative aspects and turn them into positive qualities.

I grew up in a large city, attended a small town college and then lived in several different states, traveling around more than the average woman.  It was unsettling to me to hear acquaintances mention how they had never moved from the the location of their birth home or lived in the same area their entire lives.  For whatever reason, these comments always made me feel some what like a transient or lesser than even though each of my travels were made deliberately for personal or professional reasons.  A dear friend made reference to me saying, "I think you have some gypsy blood in you allowing your self the courage to travel into the unknown."  It was said in a very supportive and positive way.  It gave me food for thought.

A few years later, during a private conversation with a trusted friend, the second statement was made.  This is what was said: "I admire you, watching you move from one situation to the next and always adjusting your self to those around you.  You some how make your self comfortable no matter where you go or who you are with."  These words offered me a positive reflection of my self that frequently assisted me in traveling through my gypsy life.

Now in my later years, I do a lot of traveling and it is true, I adjust well with strangers and I have a lust for visiting diverse places.  I no longer see this as good or bad.  I embrace these qualities as a part of who I am.  Applying  this awareness has helped me to remain comfortable in my own skin.

                                  

Fish Out of Water

 

 

 

There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered.

~Nelson Mandela



My last trip to Maui was a month long spiritual journey.  Revelations greeted me at every turn and a sense of euphoria filled my life each and every day.  Although I experience Key West in a different way, I arrived here anticipating additional spiritual break throughs.  I felt prepared to open my heart and mind to thoughts to propell me farther along my spiritual path.


With every transition, change is present and we best be prepared to go with the flow.  Nearly a month ago when we arrived at a lovely little rental house in Old Towne, I was fully prepared for adventure and discovery.  Little did I know my awareness would reveal I had arrived at my destination which happened to be my inner self.  My imperfect inner self.


Instead of soaring above the ocean like an eagle in the sky, I remained grounded in observations of gaping holes I needed to mend.    Why are we always surprised to discover we have traveled near and far only to arrive at the starting point once again.   The difference is I now know the way to go, which paths to take, as I have traveled it more than once before.


As I wander the familiar streets and favorite places, I am aware of just how much I have changed since I was last here.  I am proud of who I am today, and grow increasingly aware of who I have always been.  I believe this search of meaning in life is simply a matter of swimming deeper and deeper within our own waters.  We develop the ability to shed more and more of what we no longer need, and learn to swim with the current. 


My nature is to grow increasingly comfortable while in the water.  I float, swim, and dive in the rolling waves.  What is there not to enjoy?  There is such a sense of cleansing, of washing away the heaviness of life, and hearing only the silence of  the liquid surrounding the body.    I find myself to be light hearted and buoyant, not wanting to be the old fish  spit out by the ocean onto the sand.   I don't want to be just another fish out of water.