The Ache Deep Inside

“For the first time, she did want more. She did not know what she wanted, knew that it was dangerous and that she should rest content with what she had, but she knew an emptiness deep inside her, which began to ache.”

Iain Pears, The Dream of Scipio

We do not always realize the ache deep inside of ourselves, until we have finally addressed it.  Then, we ask ourselves, "Why didn't I do that earlier?"  Months ago, I was confronted by the question of what i truly wanted or needed just for my lovely self.  Humph!  I was incapable of answering.  How in the world could my needs and desires be met if they remained unidentified.

It wasn't very long before I put a name on a desire ... I wanted a dog.  For several months I sought out available animals at various shelters and rescues.  Nine times, the connection failed.  Each time, my inner child was once again disappointed to not have her needs met.  I could be the adult saying, "We are waiting for the right one.  This one was not the one, so we have to be patient."  These well intentioned words meant nothing to the weeping child deep within.

Those aware of my newly identified longing, encouraged me to relax and trust that I would be provided with the exact pet to meet my needs.  On one level, I knew these words to be true.  On another level, my heart just kept breaking open. 

A Red bone Hound entered my life in a synchronistic way, three weeks ago.  I have named her Bella and she is a perfect five year old sweetheart.  She is my constant companion and I am so thankful I was able to wait long enough for her to appear.  I love her dearly, and I slowly realize the strange ache within me has disappeared.  My loneliness has been replaced with joy. 

Perhaps being a Cancer/Moon Child, and characteristically are known as caretakers plays a big part in my need for this beautiful soul permanently situated in my life.  She is a responsibility, but it is a responsibility I love.  Caring for her, meeting her needs, and walking her has bonded us in a way that allows me to feel whole.  I talk to her all of the time and love touching her.

The surprise of course is the gift she truly is to me.  I am certain she has rescued me more than I rescued her.