Prepared to Scream ...

Listen to the whisper

before it becomes a scream.

Oprah Winfrey

In our fast paced, immediate gratification, and time managed lives, we rarely can hear the small voice inside calling for rest or love or silence.  We are so busy caring for our family or committed responsibilities there is little time for the self.

It probably begins with a small fragment of thought like, "I need a time out."  Then perhaps a desire arises to meet with a friend, but when?  Trying to coordinate schedules can be even more stressful.  Thoughts of getting away, even to the grocery store without the kids would do, but that might be as difficult as escaping to a spa for a day. 

Then we begin to bargain with ourselves.  When I get this, this, and this done, I will carve out some 'me' time.  The little whisper by this time, however, has turned into a whimper. 

To continue to disregard our inner self, forces our inner emotions, thoughts, and stress to interrupt our sleep.  To a greater extent, they may even present in our dreams or in the form of a nightmare.  The voice is out and out crying by now.

Neglecting to meet our original need causes us greater problems.  Our nature or personality shifts into someone we really don't want to be.  Not only are we angry with the world, we are loathing ourselves, prepared to scream.

We all have needs.  Having needs is part of the human experience.  We cannot afford to wait for someone else to meet our needs.  It is vitally important to self-care! 

We must know and understand ourselves in order to recognize and meet our needs.  We come to realize we are better towards others if we first take care of ourselves, not in a selfish way. 

Once we have determined what our personal needs are, then we make plans to meet them.  Is there a movie we want to see that our mate doesn't want to see or we are waiting for a date?  We can go by ourselves or invite a friend.  Miss flowers that our mate used to bring?  We can buy them for ourselves!  The point is enjoying the opportunity ... a gift to ourselves!  Like Bissenger's Chocolates?  Splurge just this once.  Can't afford a massage?  We don't have to be a reflexologist to rub our own feet! 

Get creative!  Read Jennifer Louden's THE WOMAN'S COMFORT BOOK or THE COUPLES COMFORT BOOK to generate fresh ideas to meet needs.  When we quiet ourselves, the little voice will whisper to us ... you are worthy, you are capable!  Don't wait until the whisper is prepared to scream!



Validation and Clarity

The events in our lives happen

in a sequence in time,

but in their significance  to ourselves

they find their own order.

Eudora Welty

In early grade school, I was given a three year diary and then eventually a five year diary.  By the summer between seventh and eighth grade, I had written one novel and was working on another.  All of my writings in high school seemed to be penned during very negative episodes and accumulated faster than one would expect.   All of these writings were burned the summer after my junior year in college and to this day, I regret this unnecessary event.  

My writing has always been rather private, never sharing it with any one, until I was able to find comfort and joy in the actual experience of writing.  Classes in English, Literature, and Journalism helped me to fine tune my skills.  Being an avid reader increased my sense of rhythm with words.

After years of baby books, quick notes jotted down when being a full time mother of four allowed, I did find time to return to my writing.  Fancy journals were eventually replaced by the ease of writing on a computer, but I continued to keep notebooks on dreams, events, and feelings. 

There is quite an accumulation of what I have written and it is with great interest I wander through them at will.  Sometimes I want to rip a page out, while other times I can hardly believe my hand has written such wisdom.  My best work is when I find myself 'in the flow' and words just stream from somewhere unbeknown to me. 

THE WOMAN'S COMFORT BOOK, A Self-Nurturing Guide for Restoring Balance in Your Life, by Jennifer Louden is an excellent book.  The author wrote this book after her life had been greatly challenged and she realized how badly she needed to nurture herself.  She composed this book, filling it with endless 'how to' chapters.  The chapters range from discerning personal comfort, soothing sounds, developing voice, bathing pleasures, solitude ... the list goes on.  There is no particular order, so you can pick and choose the subject at will.  Each chapter leads the reader through a hands on experience to encourage self-discovery.  Although not required, journaling can be a very important piece to this experience.

When we document the transitions in our lives, it adds substance and insight.  At the time of our writing, we may not be aware of the importance of what is recorded, but as time passes, validation and clarity clearly stand out.  We become aware of events being related although not noticed at the time.

Journaling is not about perfect grammar or punctuation.  Some women will sketch or cut out pictures.  Many will jot down phrases before bed.  Others carry a small notebook in their purse to record interesting comments or happenings during the day.  There is no set rule. We can find expensive journals on line or use a black and white composition book.  It is for each of us to decide.  Why not give it a try!