Sunday, March 15, 2020

Unearthing Emotional Barricades






"Our shadow emerges from the unspeakable things 
that we discover about the world and ourselves."
Kilroy J. Oldster


The core words driving my success were spoken by my mother when I was an unseen child.  Talking to a friend she said, "That child could fall into a pile of shit and come out smelling like a rose."  These being the kindest words I ever heard my mother say about me, I was driven to enter dysfunction and exit smelling like success.  I was nearing 50 when I became aware of this unconscious belief.

Intolerant of the harsh emotions surrounding me in early life, I was determined to never live in chaos once I left home.  For years I would avoid all confrontation or ignore unacceptable behaviors in relationships, as I refused chaos, making a mess of my personal self. It was later in life when I finally understood that life is chaos and we must learn to lives in its midst.  

For many years I collected labels (education, wife, mother, social worker, energy worker) to best describe my contribution to my life.  The strong image I reflected out into the world was acceptable, but the real work was waiting within ... the personal discovery of love for the self. I have finally evolved into a core of light shining love out upon the inhabitants of this earth as my commitment to life.

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