Pause Inside and Outside

"Every moment happens twice:

inside and outside,

and they are two different histories."

Zadie Smith

Filled with joy, I turn to my partner to express my excitement which fades in the telling, impacted by his body language and facial expression. The reverse can be true as well.  I can receive notification in the mail exciting me, but as the significance sinks in, excitement can turn to fear.   In another way of processing, I can feel an emotion inside of me, perhaps simple happiness; but after a few moments, emotional triggers may set me off  by what happened in my past.  The emotion can go from one extreme to the other as it is impacted by our personal histories.

What appears to me in the initial moment, may not be the same after I have looked at the larger picture.  What appears to be a blessing this morning, may be a curse by nightfall.   If I think to remove my rose colored glasses and examine my situation in black and white, things may not be as rosy as they first appeared.

My heart allows me to feel deeply, while my mind helps to discern how the emotion is best processed.  I can choose to keep emotions to myself or decide to share safely with my journal.  If I have embraced my feelings, but realize I need feedback, I can choose a trusted friend, mentor or professional.  I purposely try to find pause to explore my reaction on both the inside and outside, visiting the moment twice.