Balancing Relationships

Reconciliation is to understand both sides;

to go to one side

and describe the suffering being endured

by the other side,

and then go to the other side,

and describe the suffering

being endured by the first side.

Thich Nhat Hanh

Vietamese Monk and Writer

(1926 ~     )

There is a story about three blinfolded men and an elephant.  Each man is positioned at a different side of the elephant and then asked to describe the animal before them. 

The first blindfolded man is standing at the tail.  He describes the animal as being a large rodent, based on holding the elephants tail.  The second blindfolded man is positioned at the side of the elephant.  He declares the animal to be a huge round ball not having a head nor tail.  He has come to this conclusion by spreading his arms far and wide.  The last blindfolded man is holding the trunk of the elephant in his hands.  He reports his findings as some sort of large snake.  This story is an excellent example of personal perceptions.

There is also the saying of 'walking a mile in another man's shoes.'  Even if we walked in another man's shoes, our experience may be entirely different.  We would have our own perceptions.

From this stand point, how would we ever balance differences in relationships?  If we can never really feel what another person is experiencing, how can we truly find resolution to balance the scales?

The answer, I believe, resides in understanding differences with an open heart.   I am certainly not suggesting lowering standards, tolerating violence of any kind, nor condoning extreme behaviors, but to simply cognitize differing opinions.  If we do not understand, we grow farther from each other.  Through understanding, we can be brought together creating balance.  We can agree to disagree.

When I do not feel emotionally safe, I usually withdraw protecting myself when stepping forward might be the better choice.  Exploring the other persons behavior and responding might be better than simply reacting in an inappropriate way.  By understanding the other person's motivation, it is easier to navigate justice for both parties.

Too many times we feel the need to win rather than to balance.  If we are sincerely interested in advancing any relationship, the intention needs to be considerate of both sides desires. 

Compromise is a wonderful tool for resolution.  It allows both sides to feel respected and expidiates balance.  It tends to take away the sense of competition. 

Whether we are finding discord in our personal or professional lives, remember that perception is in the eye of the beholder.  To open our hearts with compassion and to try to catch a glimpse of another possible interpretation, we are much more apt to find compromise which results in balancing the scales.