Lost and Forgotten

The world is round and the place which may seem like the end may also be the beginning.

~ Ivy Baker Priest  Being patient and staying focused is difficult to do when it feels like we are at a dead end with no alternative route on the horizon.  We can become discouraged or overwhelmed as the days, months, or even years pass by.  We can feel lost and forgotten.  We wander around aimlessly wondering when the veil will be lifted or when we will have our next 'ah ha' moment directing us back onto our path.  Yearning to discover and surrender to our life's purpose seemingly takes a life time. Then whoosh!  We can almost hear the pieces miraculously sliding together and we click into a sense of wholeness.  We feel reborn and rejuvenated amply prepared to face our challenges.  We are filled with joy to once again be grounded and yet deeply connected with all spiritual things. This joy washes over us so suddenly, we ponder what the trigger may have been to set this all in motion.  We review what we have said or done, but the exact turning point escapes our line of thinking.  We may never recall the sequence of events, but we know we have arrived.  We are exactly where we needed to be. No matter how methodical we are life has a pace of its own.  Opportunities, set backs, and rewards have their own individual timing not running parallel to our own.   We can control our choices but very little else.  When we let go of the death of the old and embrace the new, we have such a strong sense of purpose and wonder how we could have ever felt lost and forgotten.  We examine our selves to discover if we really were unseen during the days, months or even years we were passed by.  With a new segment of life before us,  we come to understand that much of life is a matter of perspective and how quickly we can adjust to new views.

Never Feel Slight

 As Sri Nisargadatta writes, "As long as you imagine yourself to be something tangible and solid, a thing among things, you seem short-lived and vulnerable, and of course you will feel anxious to survive. But when you know yourself to be beyond space and time, you will be afraid no longer."

Tara Brach
Clinical Psychologist, Author, Teacher of Buddhist Mindfulness

 

Our physical bodies limit us, but our sacred awareness is limitless.  It is through prayer, meditation, contemplation and spiritual exercise we come to know ourselves beyond space and time.  Through guided imagery or dreams we perceive wisdom impossible to explain.  Even the written word some times takes upon deeper meaning than what is presented upon the page. 

We are aware of the cycles of life and the rotation of seasons.  When we watch nature closely enough we begin to acknowledge the concept of death and rebirth.  We can become "Born Again" within our physical life, but can there be life after life?  To this I readily agree.

What awaits us beyond this life is truly a mystery to me, but I do believe there is an existence.  It doesn't concern me if I will be floating around in angel garb or if I will be a cloud in the sky.  I do believe this energy I hold today in the physical will be alive forever in a spiritual realm.  My fear has been replaced by trust and faith.

It is my belief that when we leave this place in time, our energy returns to the Sacred Source.  I do believe that all creatures great and small will be welcomed in this reunion, just as all peoples will be.  My God is a loving God not tolerating discrimination of gender, race or creed.  All things created and all energy forms will never feel slight.  

The Chicken or The Egg

The present was an egg

laid by the past

that had the future

inside its shell.

Zora Neale Hurston

Folklorist

1903 ~ 1960

Many references are made to the caterpillar's transition into a butterfly.  But what of the chicken fighting to crack the egg?  In THE BOOK OF AWAKENING, Mark Nepo says "Every crack is also an opening." Imagine being encased watching the space grow smaller and smaller.  The chicken cracks the shell by its own growth believing the world as it knows it is coming to an end.  All is falling away as the chick wiggles through the cracks.  The chicken does not die.  It begins a new life in a new world. 

In life, we cast off masks, break out of self-imposed shells, and struggle to regain safe footing.  Transitions are never easy, but new beginnings make the process worthwhile.  While growing up, we gather experiences and learn lessons.  There comes a time to let incidents of the past go, while maintaining the wisdom of the lesson.  In the present, we prepare for what will best suit us in the future.  Life may require sacrifice and loss, as we acquire strength and endurance. 

There was a time I used to feel that the future never really arrives, but with passing years, I find myself actually living in this so called future.  And if I do not relinquish enough of my past nor apply the wisdom learned in my present, I run the risk of creating cracks in this so called future.

Mark Nepo reflects that a crack is an opportunity for new life.  I wonder then, if when I get too many cracks in this so called future,  when I think I am suffocating and dying, will I simply squeeze through the cracks leaving the world as I know it, but actually fall into yet another new world?

I truly do not expect answers or explanations to my questions.  After all, they still seem to be working on what came first, the chicken or the egg!

Gardening the Soul

"Expect to have hope rekindled.

Expect your prayers to be answered in wondrous ways.

The dry seasons in life do not last.

The spring rains will come again."

-- Sarah Ban Breathnach

 

Spring is the season of renewal.  The clocks 'spring' forward granting us less darkness and more light in our days.  Spending more time in 'light' offers us the opportunity for new vision, a new perception, and new method of growing.  The minds of human beings are as fertile as the rich earth waiting for new sprouts.  It is a time to visualize what we would like to grow in our lives with our tender loving care.

The spring season is like a healing process.  We need to clear away old debris, allowing the sun to warm our soul, bringing back to life our passion and desires.  Once our focus is defined,  we protect these new seeds from inclimate weather and adventurous animals.  We must tend to our soul, supplying wisdom and courage for sufficient growth.  We must loosely till our ideas enabling sprouts to easily shoot up through the earth, reaching for the sun.  We must be brave as new stems will have to face the wind, the rain, and the storms.  If we remain faithful to our healing process, buds begin to appear.  These newly formed buds are tender and precious.  They must be given time to gently unfold in their own time.  These buds must not be prematurely exposed as self-doubt and criticism can chew their heart away.

The gardener of the soul must be patient and diligent.  A true caretaker of what is present and what is yet to come, he or she must be closely connected to the entire process, knowing exactly how and when to commune.  Through close observation, the gardener responds when there is too little rain or too much sun.  He or she realizes each seed has a unique growing period and in order to survive, attention is given to the natural flow of the entire process.

Spring rain cleanses during this early season, washing off the old and preparing for the new.  The extended hours of light allow work to be done on observations, charting, and care for the goal.  When darkness falls upon the garden, it is time for the gardener to self-nurture and restore. 

The gardener faces each morning without the sense of toil.  He or she simply anticipates the joy of tending to the soul.  With every given day, the gardener beckons spring to gently unfold.

Life Form Again

“If you live in the dark a long time and the sun comes out, you do not cross into it whistling. There's an initial uprush of relief at first, then-for me, anyway- a profound dislocation. My old assumptions about how the world works are buried, yet my new ones aren't yet operational. There's been a death of sorts, but without a few days in hell, no resurrection is possible.”

Mary Karr
Lit: A Memoir


Jesus proclaimed we could do anything He did and some things we could do better.  It is my personal belief that Jesus the Christ died and rose from the dead, creating a symbol or cycle all humans experience.  I believe we  shed old parts of our self (dying), struggle for rebalance (hell), and then stretch into a more defined sense of self (rebirth).  I must admit it often seems as though hell appears before death more so than prior to the rebalance.

Challenge comes to us and having free will, we have the option to master the opportunity.  In order to do so, we at times need to detach from ego or material attachments creating fear of the future.  It can be hell not knowing what will be remaining once we have given up so much.  Our resistance and denial can also add a few flames to the fire.  The death of the old can be painful, but it also can bring relief.

The period after the death of old patterns can be uncomfortable as we are released of dragging old baggage around.  There may be a sense of freedom, but it can be followed by a loss of connection.  We know what we do not want any more, but we do not know what to welcome in or what will be brought to us next.  There can be great discomfort in this suspension. 

Eventually, the void created by the death of the old, begins to balance with a new definition of the self.  We begin to gather in a greater sense of compassion and acceptance building a new strong foundation.  Our creative expression may exceed, our original gifts may flourish, and our authentic self grows stronger.  Clarity forms with deeper understanding, our hearts and minds become more expansive, and our spiritual connection strengthens.

Easter and/or Spring  is the very reminder of new birth or rebirth.  It is inspiring to watch seeds develop and sprouts struggle up through the earth.  Displayed on healthy stems, flowers display the vibrant colors of life.  And so  Spirit and Divine Energy takes life form again.

 

Master of Me

Stand still.  The tress ahead and bush beside you are not lost.

Albert Einstein

Wandering, in my own surroundings, the end of the year brought completion to the seen and the unseen, and has left me dying to my old self, and struggling to be born again into a passage with spiritual meaning.  Always in the present moment, forgiving and forgetting all of the past, while not venturing into a future, leaves me like a boat without a rudder. 

All of the time investing in meditation, to learn to be still, to be in the moment and here I am unescorted by any specific accomplishment, at least known to me.  Being still is calm, like a deer silently standing in the woods.  It is peaceful, like a great hawk floating with spread wings in a cloudless sky.

Compassion is still mine and my heart remains open.  I feel tender love for those in my life, and yet I am held in this lofty sense of being suspended in air.  I feel lofty with out a care in the world. 

I am comfortable without a charted course, but what if there is no course at all?  Am I simply marking time?  Am I waiting patiently for what has already passed?  Have I fulfilled my spiritual purpose and so now I am done?  Maybe I am a time keeper, simply a bookmark keeping a place in time. 

There is no pressing emotion for me, no crisis for me to resolve, no issues to be untangled, and although not removed, I am left just to be.   And so it is ... Master of me.

Resistance and Change

People don't resist change.

They resist being changed.

~Peter Senge

When life becomes too uncomfortable, we realize the need for change.  We notice that we have lost our passion or our footing is no longer secure or a relationship is deteriorating.  We are aware that by doing the same thing over and over, using the same approach or resolution, the outcome will remain the same. 

With the awareness of needing to change, we begin to explore options that will alter what is no longer working for us.  Too frequently, however, we begin to look outside of ourselves for the change when true change occurs within the self.  With every attempt to change all that surrounds us, we are ignoring the heart of the problem.  We are projecting our issues onto others and expecting them to alter our lives.  Our expectations of others is clearly resistance to our own personal change. 

Friends and family may support us  in our desire to change.  They may encourage us and assist us as long as we don't change our relationship with them.  This is simply a mirror of how we may be feeling ... everybody needs to change except for myself.  This may work briefly, but it is not a long term solution.

It is during self-evaluation we discover what is no longer serving us, what is truly dead to us.  It is similar to weeding a garden.  We must pull out the weeds and deadhead what no longer holds energy so there can be a rebirth.  New growth slowly pushes itself up through new fertile ground.  We must get rid of the old in order to welcome in the new.

Resistance is simply fear.  Our desire for change must be strong enough that we are willing to step through the resistance, the illusion of fear.  When the old has died away and the new has yet to sprout, we will feel very vulnerable.  We will be challenged during this space where the future is unknown, but it is an opportunity to strongly believe in the strengths of the inner self and the good that has yet to come.

 

Building Walls

The walls we build around us

to keep sadness out

also keeps out the joy.

Jim Rohn

The walls were necessary for my emotional health.  They protected me from hurtful measures of others, not realizing the pain was always trapped inside.  The walls could be lowered when I felt safe enough to do so.  They could go up or down, much like a garage door manipulated by a remote control.

There were all kinds of walls:  short walls, tall walls, walls with windows, and walls that were re-patched with great regularity.  The walls were really never the same, joined together with different colored bricks or differing mortar.  They were strong though, and that is where I felt safe.

The walls were my protection, protection I felt I needed; however, I never once considered the harm I might have down to someone left standing innocently on the other side. These walls of mine, they kept everyone out.

Strong winds, storms, earthquakes, or any force in life can crack or take walls down.  Too many times to remember, when life happened to blow my walls down,  I dusted my self off and climbed out of the remaining rubble.  I could always wash off the dust and debris, but some how the scars of survival remained.

It is only now, so much later in life, that brick by brick I am taking the walls down ... all of them.  It is so uncomfortable, this feeling of being vulnerable and so unprotected.  This has not been a conscious decision on my part, but rather a growing need created by a crack in the foundation from the built up pain.  The walls cannot hold it any more.

While excavating, I examine each brick thanking it for protecting me for so many years.  I reach for understanding how this all began and how I can prevent it from happening again.  Although exposed, I welcome the fresh air as it blows the dead past away; and the sun warms my heart as it ushers in the new.  I know that night will come, that dark will fall once again, but I long to see the smiling moon and to watch the stars lead me, once again, safely on my way.

  

Easter Pondering ...

You give but little

when you give of your possessions.

It is when you give of yourself

that you truly give.

Kahlil Gibran

There is much to think about at Easter ... the seriousness of the crucifixion and resurrection or the whimsical decorations with colored eggs, bunnies, and chocolate galore.  The list really could go on and on with additional items like Easter Lilies or hot crossed buns.  My children used to ask me how all of these random things fit together.  As a young mother, I found this all hard to explain.

In the Pagan traditions prior to Christianity, the egg was a symbol for fertility and the Goddess Mother Earth;  and the rabbit was an earthy symbol for the Goddess Eastre.   The first missionaries, eager to convert others to Christianity, combined some of the earlier pagan traditions with the resurrection of Christ.  More regulation and blending occurred at the Council of Nicaea.

Judgement and criticism need to be set aside in order to find meaning in both religious and family traditions.  During Easter, there is time for a deep spiritual connection and family bonding.  Some will be communing with the earth, celebrating as they plant their spring gardens while others are worshiping in a church.  Still others embrace all of these activities plus more.

I have colored more than my share of Easter eggs, and creatively hidden them as well.  I have filled plenty of baskets with chocolates and jelly beans.  I dutifully dressed my children for Easter services and have always revered Jesus the Christ. 

As I have grown away from traditional Easter holiday celebrations, my mind continues to linger on the subject of death and rebirth.  The crucifixion and Resurrection of Christ, to me, symbolizes the death and rebirth cycle that is on going throughout time in and with all things ... seasons, perennials, stages of development, spiritual transitions, and physical death itself. 

As we navigate through our lives, we learn to detach from possessions and focus more on giving rather than collecting.  As we begin to be generous in giving of our 'self' we truly begin to experience genuine non-materialistic gifts in return.  We learn to cast off what no longer serves us (death) and create opportunities to serve others (rebirth). 

There is always pain with the ending or death of anything or any one, but an awakening and joy usually follows.  It is a cycle one can experience in a day, a month, a year or life time.  The importance perhaps is to use Easter to deliberately reflect upon both our personal/physical and spiritual/emotional cycles of growth based upon the belief systems we hold dear.

When all is said and done, I wish you a very Happy Easter!

Awaken Once Again

re-awakening

“ there had been a time it had slept
for years and years
to finally awaken with fierce intensity.
her power had found her,
she had claimed it.
and then - somehow -
parts of it fell asleep again.
this time for not so long
as she missed it and knew it was needed.
calling it awake again,
they stepped forward together.
strong and light and real. ”

~terri st. cloud

Power is one of those words that means different things to different people.  Most generally, I use the word in terms of internal spiritual strength that is not used to physically control or gain power over any one.  Power is an awareness to utilize personal goodness for the betterment of self and others.

The holidays challenge our personal power.  We back slide into previous roles as we face expectations imposed by others.  We fall asleep, so to speak, to the knowledge of our true spirit.  When we awaken, it can be like a new birth ... the old lack of self-esteem falls away and a new vision of self appears once again empowered. 

As a fire burns, the fire tender pokes at the coals to stir the embers.  We, too, must poke at our embers to stay a bright light enabling ourselves to find our way.  As we are placed in the midst of those who challenge us or who do not support our spiritual awareness, we must make special effort in tending our fire.  The cold chill of negatively spoken words can dampen the coals, just as the brutal winds of drama or chaos can extinguish our flames.

As we sit around our personal fire, darkness gathers and snuggles near our light.  We must not be afraid of our own dark night.   We all have weaknesses or temptations, but we must have the courage to bring our light into that darkness.  We are all capable of horrible things, but we have choice ... keep our light burning brightly or succumb to darkness.  When we poke at our fire to stir the embers, sparks take flight as little beacons of hope to others. 

If we explore and acknowledge this darkness, we will learn to embrace it through self compassion and acceptance.  Sitting in silence around our fire, we hear self-criticisms ... who is doing the talking ... whose voice is it .... where were these first words spoken ... are they factual or based in fear?  SIT WITH THESE THOUGHTS FOR AWHILE.

Are we frightened at the possibility of being  pure and good?  Do we fall asleep negating our power in order to stay small?  What would life look like if we awakened to find our selves beautiful and filled with light ... visualize ... determine why this might be threatening.  JOURNAL.

The New Year approaches. 

It is time to awaken once again.

Begin to build your fire ...