"She wondered if her being abandoned by her blood mother
had this kind of lasting effect ... a constant search for an identity
that was both secret and forever lost to her, but somehow
known in the heart."
Eugenia Kim
My educational exploration in the fields of Psychology and Sociology no doubt were to help my self understand how layers of life restraints and constrictions alter our authentic perspective from a very early age. An anxious unborn baby senses mood alterations, fear, and joy while in the womb. An infant screams when it does not know when the next feeding will be or how long before they are lovingly held again. And then when birth parents or hospital staff and everything familiar is lost, how is this translated to these tiny human beings.
The conflicts are many as we attempt to understand. Were we deliberately left behind and if so was it something we said or did? Are we not lovable or do we not look right? The idea of tracking birth parents surfaces. The search takes courage to run the risk of learning of the truth. Even the bits of pieces we know, have they been altered for us to adjust more easily?
We enter a portion of life where we want to know who or what we want to become or achieve, and yet the void of not knowing who we were at birth contributes to our yearnings for a complete composite. Through extended inner work, forgiveness, and healing, our awareness grows of our true nature. In the end, it is all about unconditionally loving that face in the mirror and accepting our worth as miraculous heats and souls.
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